Now, let's see....

If we can get a good picture of these five.

Umm, nope. Not yet.
Hey guys, just stand there and fold your hands together.
Okay, try giving each other a big hug then.
Yeah, right.
Well at least these two boys in the trees are awfully cute.
Before the weekend, I'll clarify.

I can't show a picture of Meadow (Yes! That will be her name : ) yet. Not until Eth. courts have determined her "ours." You can take my word for it though, she is a real cutie pie.
Her last name will become her middle name, (which I can't share either) then Deutsch, of course.
People seem to have varying ideas about the name change. We thought we would leave it up to the child(ren) if they are old enough. She's still pretty young, and after considering all sides of the Name Issue, talking with various people who have a clue about this, we have decided it would probably be simpler for her throughout her life to have a name that is English, one that people aren't constantly misunderstanding, misspelling, mispronouncing.
Meadow is a name we liked a lot and oddly enough, it is quite similar to her Ehtiopian name.

There is a story behind choosing our girl. We are still interested in 2 kids. However, after things played out with her she was there, waiting.

None of the orphanages our agency works with had a sibling pair. So, after our paperwork was submitted, we would wait for children who "met" our "criteria." That was fine with us. We would do that. Except for, there was this girl, Meadow, popping up on the waiting children's list, Again. (Insert: Long Story I can not tell). To say the least, she was tugging, pulling at our heart strings.

Our agency does not ever allow the adoption of 2 unrelated children at the same time. So adopting her and another child simultaneously was out of the question.

We spoke to the agency people asking if we wanted to go back and adopt a second time how much it would cost. To adopt 2 children in 2 separate adoptions is MUCH more expensive than 2 at one time. Plus there's all the paperwork, travel, etc that must take place again. However, by the time they got back with us about details for adoption no. 2, we had already decided. Even if it costs exactly the same again and we have to pay double what we would have for 2 kids, we would like to adopt Meadow. This little girl had won us over. We were putty in her hands by this point ;-) They had to review our case, and determine if we would be a good fit for her. They did, and we were!

So, this is the plan. If all goes well....
We will adopt her, enjoy bonding as a family of 8. Get acquainted with the HIV specialists, treatments, etc.

Start adoption no. 2 after a year, if we have enough money saved by that time.

These are our best ideas, of course. We will look to God to guide and direct our steps. Obviously, we will have to rely on Him to provide the funds!

We could not resist her. She was waiting for a family. We have a family to offer.
The End.

It's Friday! Hope the garage sale tomorrow produces. We've got a second adoption to finance ;-)
Have a good one!

Loading Junk

~ Garage sale this weekend-living in the country that means loading up all our junk to haul into town to our friend's garage.

~Photo taking of the rooms in the house for dossier-living with 5 kids that means loading up all our junk and moving it out of view for the pictures to make our home appear cleaner than it actually is.

~Bobby's birthday today-living with an (old) man whose diet has significantly changed over his (many) years, due to wife's desire to healthify (yes, that's a word!: ) the family-that means loading up on the junk food he really likes and would prefer to eat all the time.

On the menu for the birthday boy tonight-
French dip sandwiches on white hoagie buns with lots of salty au jus, tater tots, broccoli, and German Chocolate cheesecake for dessert. And don't forget the beer. Someone please, get me a beer.
Happy Birthday Daddy-O! You've still got it! Oh yes you do.

Help! I've fallen.

Into a pile of dossier documents......
and I can't get up.
Paperwork is NOT, not, n o t, my favorite thing to do and I'm overwhelmed with the enormous number DETAILS that must be absolutely, positively correct on this dossier. Wowzers. Our agency said they have received 1 that was entirely correct the first time. One, uno, a single set. And it was completed by a couple of teachers.
Eye yi yi (as my favorite eldest daughter likes to say. I have no idea where she gets it.)
I feel the pressure to get it right the first time as we would like our case to go through the Ethiopian courts before they close in August through mid September and having to re-do papers will hold up the process.

It's amazing how fast love can grow sight unseen.
I don't know how this has happened....it's the oddest thing. Mind boggling.
How does a picture lighting up my computer screen suddenly become my daughter? How does a little girl I've never met take up residence in my heart, holding a sacred slot reserved only for my most treasured loved ones? How has her face begin to occupy my dreams at night when I've never even laid eyes on her, held her close, smelled her skin, heard her voice? Why do my eyes begin to tear as I'm busy hanging my kid's clothes on the line, thinking of a woman I will never meet this side of heaven, desiring earnestly to do right by her with her beloved baby girl? How hard it must have been for her to say goodbye......
I think about her all the time. Will she like these cookies I'm making for the kids this afternoon? Is she sad today? Happy? What does she need? What is she doing right now? Will she like it here? I wish there was something I could do. Closer. Why aren't I close to her?
Hold on baby. I want to say it to her. Hold on....we're coming for you. We'll get there just as soon as we can. We've prepared a place for you. Somehow, some way you've captured our hearts.
We will never be the same.
It's Love. Unusual, breathtaking, vulnerable love.
I guess this is adoption.

Our new computer

It's a pc. Even though I have always thought a notebook would be nice. Could take it with me while I sit on my bed at night-where I usually read an actual book-and take care of my Very Important Online Business (leaving you a blog comment) instead. But upon further consideration, I realized something.

As convenient as it would be to have a mobile computer, truthfully, the last thing I need is to become MORE connected electronically.

I have GOT to be intentional about drawing boundaries to not allow our lives to spiral out of control with the constant tether to various electronic devices. I don't want to lose the joy of real life togetherness and meaningful relationship building opportunities.
It seems in families it happens all too easily, gradually, inch by inch, until one day you wake up and find yourself texting your kids to ask them to clean their rooms or turn their lights out for bedtime, saying "H2CUS honey" because you know it's been far too long since you've sat and looked into their beautiful blue eyes over a hot meal but you're realistically not likely to do it anytime soon because you can't tear yourself away from your own electronic obsessions to bond effectively with your own children while they are still under your roof.

Do I really want my computer on vacation with me (if I do ever take one? Yes, some day I will!) No. I don't think so. Do I want it sitting in my bed at night when I would be enjoying a good book? I'm thinking not. Do I really need to have even more online accessibility, more screen time? I know I do not.

It's going to be up to me to set a good example for my children if there's any chance at all for them in this rat-raced, fast paced, high tech world in which we live to enjoy true human interaction, to treasure people in a real, tangible way. It's a constant struggle in our day and age.

So far, this home is a text free zone. I doubt it will stay that way forever but I know this for sure: I will be watchful, careful not to allow electronics to run our lives drawing away the pleasure of face to face conversation and laughter, dancing around the house and playing old fashined board games because we are too addicted to our gadgets and the still photos of the people in them to spend time cherishing what is most important. That has to start with me.

Faces, expressions, hugs, heart to heart connecting with a favorite beverage in hand.....a few things not to be missed in this fleeting life.

Time for me to get off my computer now ;-)

We have a match!

With the exceptionally lovely little girl I mentioned last week!
Our dossier is not there, so this is not a referral just yet. We are still awaiting US govt approval to welcome an immigrant.
A match means that we are paired up with her and she with us, although nothing is ever completely absolute until the child is home with you. Our agency's committee has reviewed our file and approved our request for her, "matching" us. With International adoption, a lot can happen at any time and things can change. So, we are *tentatively* screaming with excitement and joy ;-) She is beautiful and and wonderful and extraordinary and worthy.
No matter what happens, we love our precious match. We have been bountifully blessed with this love.

Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me.

The best kind of e mail correspondence

Letters from Jayla. This one received Tuesday, May 19 at 2:26 pm

Dear Mom.......I love you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You are the best mom!LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you .
Jayla

Dear Jayla,
I love you too!!!! You are such a super girl and your email was really nice! I am happy you were born. There is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you.....ever, ever, ever. Thank you for being just who you are my sweet sunshine. Please remember how much you used to like me when you are a teenager who thinks your old mom is a great big dork.
XOXOXO Mom

Dear Mom,
Thank you for the mesig. Thar is nothing you can do to make me stop loveing you!

And my big old dorky self is glad today for the still easily flowing and sweetly uncomplicated love of one little girl (who happens to love herself some exclamation points.)

A Very Exciting Event

I told the kids when the temp hits 80 degrees, the sprinklers can come on. They've been waiting....and waiting.....It's finally here!

JOTS&C are thrilled. Nevermind their horrible colds/ear infections/pink eyes that kept them lying around all weekend long.

Clover is in Jayla's old 2 piece swimsuit from years ago, tiny tummy poking out. Oh my goodness. It is the cutest thing EVER.

I'm going to plant my garden while the little people frolic in the H2O. Even growing our flowers this year from seeds. I have some serious gardeners who are ready to help. Better get started....

Today is Monday May 18 and it's going to pass 80 degrees on the Colorado Prairie. That's some Exciting News alright.

Claim to Fame

This came from my friend Robin. Funny.
Obama is a forgiving guy considering I made very clear I would not/did not vote for him : )

Been too busy falling in love with a beautiful African girl to blog much. Yes, that's right. ONE child. It's a long story, and I can't really share it right now. Have had to ask many questions about the cost of another adoption if we go all the way to Ethiopia for this ONE precious little lady when we so strongly felt led toward TWO. Could our 2 come 1 at a time? Or one first then 2 more totalling 3? Oh Sure, why not? Nothing set in stone. But it is a definite possibility. Will let you know if we receive a referral for her. No matter what, it's love sweet love I feel. My heart literally hurts with it.

Kid's last day of Friday school today. Homeschooling has been much easier academically than I expected. With focused attention, they really pick things up quickly and we can correct errors immediately. For that, I'm thankful. The logistics, interruptions, and attitudes can be tricky to negotiate, but I know this for sure: I will never, ever regret spending this time with them. It's worth facing the challenges even though there are some days I'd like to put them on any school bus driving by going to any school away from here. Most of the time I'm just glad to be in their presence, happy they are with me, all of us learning, really just doing life together through thick and thicker, every high and low.

Camera broke. No pictures. Must be the sticky fingers and repeated times it has crashed to the floor popping the batteries out. Good thing it wasn't expensive. Another non-expensive one is on its way. Not that I should call it cheap. Might hurt its feelings.

Hope your weekend is exactly what you would like it to be ;-)

Made pumpkin muffins this morning.

Kids gave some to their best friend, Mr. Trash Collector to thank him for hauling away several million dirty diapers over the years we've lived here.
That's our most exciting thing going on today.

And Now He's Fwee

Burpay bwekfast.

Pizza was his choice for supper (super convenient since we have it every Saturday night anyway) followed up by cake-funfetti, of course.

Loosening up in my old age, I put the candles right on the whole cake rather than just on his piece. A little spit never killed anyone, eh? I know. These poor kids....

Yum yum. Spitty cake wiff chocowat ice cweam.

His siblings spent the day wrapping up all the toys in the house to give him. Oh look! Wow! It's all the junk I already own and leave all over the floor! Cool.
Since he's just fwee, he didn't mind.
Now onto the real gifts. While the vultures starving for new toy prey kids looked on.

Checking out his loot.
A snuggle with Pwee-ya (Priya) who came over with her brother Sanjay for a burpay slumber party.
Stryder followed poor Priya around like a little puppy dog. Pwee-ya, Pwee-ya.
Tyden and his main man Sanjay. Tyden is 3 months older. Sanjay is 3 inches taller.

Stryder, I hope you had a very happy birthday!! I love you so much!! You are smiley and funny and cute and clever and independent and feisty. The way you talk and the things you say make me laugh and laugh. You're really handsome with your soft creamy skin and golden sun kisses. I am so glad you were born! It is a privilege for me to spend my days with you, my favowit fwee year old. May God bless you always son.

Annual Ladie's Tea

At big grandma's church. We've been 7 times.
As I sat there with Jayla, in the exact same place as all the years prior, I could envision this girl back when she was a little tiny thing in her pretty frilly pink dresses and white sandals as she played around the room with the other little tiny girls in frilly pink dresses, ribbons in their hair. I remembered the teas when I was expecting our next baby, wearing my best maternity duds, feeling large and uncomfortable, not appreciating that brief season of sweet anticipation, my glowing skin and full hair, holding my baby inside. If I had just realized how quickly it would pass me by leaving me gob smacked, looking backward wondering what happened? Where has it gone?
This year, my daughter sat still. The entire time. No hopping around on the floor. She didn't nudge and poke big grandma a thousand times, getting her attention to tell her some silly thing. She drank hot tea with me, and coffee too. Cut her own grilled chicken, (don't you want some help honey? No mom, I can do it. Okay then) and took trips alone to the buffet table to get more triangle shaped finger sandwiches. She is different now. It keeps happening before I am ready. When I finally get used to a new reality, when a fresh and unexpected way of being for each of them begins as a surprise, then finally becomes normal, they grow out of it yet again and move into another surprising new. It has only been 7 teas. How could so much change occur in just 7 small teas? I love her exactly the way she is now, but I already know. Next year's tea will be different. It will remind me of that constant bittersweet transition as she sits beside me, beautiful, ever changing much too quickly, right before my teary eyes.

Sighting!

When he went to pick up the van last night Bobby got assaulted by another Chris Daughtry fan. I guess Chris' appearance in Idol last week is stirring all that up again. Funny.....until they ask him to sing : )

Stryder is still sleeping. When he get's up I'm going to shout H a p p y B i r t h d a y and jump up and down excitedly then scoop him up and spin him around for his first gigantic hug as a 3 year old. It's gonna be great.

Our little headbanger.

And that has nothing to do with music preference : ) She's getting to the age and stage where when she's feeling a little testy, she will knock her forehead on the ground. Such a lovely habit for a young lady ;-)

Grandpa took T&S last night for an overnight visit. Despite the fact that we spent much of our time together as a family of 5 transporting our big ole van to the Ford dealership in CS for repairs, we had a very nice evening. Put Clover to bed at the usual hour and let J&O stay up with us until 10:00. It was so refreshing to hang out with the big kids. Whenever any combination of the clan are taken out of the equation for a while, whether it's for time at Enrichment school or spent with the grandparents, they are missed but the family dynamic is different, much more relaxed. I needed some relaxed moments. Could you tell? Ha!

I think this is just the way it is in the midst of raising a family. Sometimes are quite challenging due to the relentless nature of the workload and the wide array of often conflicting feelings/emotions/opinions/desires/goals of each of the people in the house. When I get run down and don't feel like dealing with all of it, could SO use a break, the children are still here, the labor still required. That is when I struggle most. I know this will ease with time as each of them become more independent. And new challenges will surely emerge.

Been thinking a lot of sheep, myself as the shepherd tending the flock. Bringing them in, rounding them up, over and over again as many times is required for their safety and development. This is a good mental picture for me and reminds me to stay consistent, firm but gentle, not placing expectations on them or myself for when we should advance to the 'next stage'. I just need to take the days and hours as they come, sometimes it's 1 step forward and 2 steps back....or 4 steps back....or maybe 6. That has to be okay. No one said this would be easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. Periodically I must express that-THIS ISN'T EASY!

Ahh. That's better.
Happy Mother's Day to you. For real. : )

Oh happy happy Mother's Day

Last year, I wrote a long syrupy thing about the joys of mommyhood and all that. I'm not going to link that post because I might gag on my guac n chips if I look at it right now.

Pre-Mother's Day weekend 2009 has a whole different feel than 2008 did for me.

I'm wondering who these small monster-like children running around my house (that only slightly resemble the super cute ones I gave birth to) are? I mean, who are they? They couldn't be My People. My People don't act like this.
How could all those years of pouring my sweat and tears into them, laboring night and day, working with those young ones every.single.day. of their entire existence on this planet not have taught them anything? All that repetition, over and over and over again and there is this to show for it? It's downright baffling.

Here I am, sputtering out the same old Charlie Brown's teacher's honking they've grown immune to hour upon hour, day upon day, trying new techniques, attempting to reach their hearts, and their behavior still horrifies and shocks me from time to time, even for months on end. Won't they snap out of it, I wonder? If I am consistent? Maybe? Not much snapping happening. Unless you count mine.
As in she's S N A P P E D.
My behavior in response to their behavior shocks and horrifies me even further than their behavior does in the first place. (Will I regret saying that?) It's a vicious naughty cycle with no obvious way to stop the Train of Madness. Because seriously, HOW MUCH CAN ONE PERSON TAKE? The constant corrections, the interruptions, the fighting, screaming, defiance, thoughtlessness, terrorizing and punching each other, and the wretched, wretched whining. And how about those whirlwind messes? When they move through the house like miniature Tasmanian Devils leaving a trail of destruction in their wake? I get worn thin.

If your kids are in school all day and you're home alone right this very minute, or they're grown and gone and your little angels would have never behaved in such a manner, (foggy memory-ahem) you probably think what I've thought about a mom or two myself. What a whiner. I see where her kids get it.

I humbly eat my words/thoughts. Humbly humbly humbly.

This parenting gig is no joke. Not for wimps. What a lot of hard, hard ha-a-a-a-a-rd work. The endurance required is astonishing. Day in and day out, night in and night out. No exit strategy in sight. (Even a Mexican beach doesn't sound bad these days. I'd take it. It's worth the risk.) And the ability to remain even somewhat calm in the eye of seemingly endless storms right in the comfort of your very own casa can drive a once normal woman to the brink of cRaZy mama in a heartbeat.

I'm sure I'll have to delete this because it doesn't highlight my excellence in parental guidance and wisdom and stuff. Fine. I don't care. I had to write it down. I have felt so much pressure to be/act like the right kind of parent lately with the adoption in process and I'm tired.
Newsflash: I'm far from perfect. Far, far, far.
Truthfully, yes-there is much joy and happiness. Large volumes of that. Really, there is. Yes. THERE IS. Of course there is. (Oh, sorry. Got off on a conversation with myself there.) But sometimes it becomes so clouded by the drudgery of simply getting through yet another day alive that it you have to really quiet your heart and discipline your mind to see it or at least remember that it is there.

This is just how things are. For me. Judge if you must. I don't mind at all. I've done plenty of it myself. And I am truly sorry about that.

Compassion is growng in me. Painfully. By recognizing more and more my own enormous flaws and constant struggles that I thought I would be 'over' by now.
I am thankful for that because I long to allow something good and kind and gentler emerge from being so deeply challenged by just plain old life. There has to be something worthwhile that comes along with the rather unpleasant loss of one's mind, right?
This, I hope will ultimately make me a better mom, a real touchable person, able to love better, bigger. We'll see.

Now that I've gotten it all out, I think things will really start looking up....: )

For next year

When the blog info changes due to family expansion. If I don't write this down, I'll forget it. Sprung (is that a word? Should it be sprang? Neither? Do I need vocabulary 101?) to mind while I was in the shower.
We can't very well call ourselves Keeping up with JOTSCMF or JOTSCWZ or JOTSCLK. I mean adding the C to JOTS was pushing it.

Will change the name of the blog entirely to Deutschland.

How about this description? 2 parts Ethiopian, 7 parts American, 100% pure Deutsch.

Catchy, eh? Are you rolling your eyes? I SEE you. Not really. But I wish I did. So I could tell if you were rolling your eyes.
Ruins the surprise, but who really cares about the name of our blog anyway? Only I do, as one of the soon to be 9 inhabitants of Deutschland in Peyton. The other 8 might be interested as well. But that's pretty much it.

Back to life now.....which today includes another trip to the Police Station, where I can once again threaten the kids with a toss in the clink if they act up. I just love doing that.

Then and Now

2004

2009

A Reluctant Recruit

If I could only get everyone else on board with the new Plan for Positivity.

Not that I'm complaining about it or anything......

Remembering When

Working on the blog book this morning (yes, this is how {far along} ((hehe. Get it? Punny.)) I am on that silly thing. It is taking me F O R E V E R. I don't know if it's my computer, or booksmart/blurb but I click *wait* click *wait* when arranging e v e r y single diggity darn page. Oy. Not good for the blood pressure. Do you like all the [brackets] and (parentheses) and what not? This is super easy to read and follow, I know!) I ran across this picture. Couple it with the cutest ever baby pictures my friend sent me of her scrumptious month old little boy Corban, I'm feeling it again. (I want to capture and kidnap her fuzzy haired wee one. She need not worry, living all the way down in Texas (where the swine flu roams) and all.) Those stinkin no-more baby blues I can not seem to permanently get rid of. Ouch. Will I ever, ever, ever get over it already? I know you're wondering....me too. I do realize how ridiculous these baby pangs are.

Ironically, I am placing this [written by Linda Dillow] up on the fridge today. (And on my bathroom mirror, and in front of the kitchen sink....oh yeah and in the place I fold laundry.)

-Never allow yourself to complain about anything-not even the weather
-Never picture yourself in any other circumstance or someplace else
-Never compare your lot with another's
-Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise
-Never dwell on tomorrow-remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours.

Trying to implement this in our home, starting with MYSELF, numero uno belly-aching, gripe-o-rama whining offender. Incidentally, it was passed along to me by Corban's mommy several years ago. I was quite serious about it for a while. Life changing it was....until I gradually returned to my old, familiar, much easier, less rewarding, non-striving-for-excellence ways.

It is my favorite day of the week, no joke. I am grateful for much this morning. (It doesn't hurt that the weather is fabulous : )

1 Thessalonians 5:18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

TGIM

Our descriptions

According to Colorado law, we do not get to keep a copy of our homestudy.
So, for memory-keepsake-record keeping, I want to put here the descriptions of Bobby and myself our caseworker wrote about us. It was really interesting reading someone else's perspective.

Bob-He is tall (? 5'10...absolutely giant : ) with a shaved head. He makes good eye contact when he speaks, is direct, confident and self-assured without a hint of pride or condescension. He is a stable provider, shows integrity, and engages the children often in play with focused attention.

Me-She is petite and energetic, friendly and hospitable. Conversation flows openly and her train of thought is easy to follow. She shows a healthy balance of affection and authority with the children. She continuously moves through her many household tasks with ease, handling well the demands of her large family.

Bob and Tisha show admiration and kindness for one another and speak fondly of each other. He shares of her compassion, willingness to accept responsibility for her mistakes without justification then ask for forgiveness, and her generosity. She spoke of his loyalty to his family, honesty, willing self-sacrifice and honorable work ethic.

Both parents act as primary caretakers and each child is securely attached and developmentally advanced.

It was fun to read-and also hard to read. (I'm only sharing the good stuff here ;-) I couldn't believe how well she nailed Bob's personality/mannerisms! We had to tell every, every thing about ourselves and our pasts, and truthfully, some of it I didn't care to remember or relive. But it's over and our assessment of where we are today and what we've learned from our experiences was really favorable. So that's good. It was worth it, but I still can NOT say the homestudy portion has been my favorite part of this process. I don't like feeling like I have to "sell" myself, or highlight my best qualities at all. Makes me feel phoney.
Back to the Dr. office and police station in the next couple of weeks to get notarization on some forms and (another!) background check for the dossier. Moving right along.......

Peyton friends who are also adopting from Ethiopia coming over for dinner tonight.
Have a wonderful weekend!