Questions:
I will try to answer them here for the sake of time.
1) The age of kids we are open to accepting is anyone younger than Jayla. We feel strongly like it is important to keep her place as the eldest, and established boss : ) It would just rock her world too much to have an older sibling all of a sudden and she has already grown quite accustomed to welcoming younger ones. The boys don't really care, they are pretty easy going, so having siblings their same ages or older would be fine with them.
2) Gender: either boys or girls or one of each.
We've been blessed with both, so it really doesn't matter.
Praying GOD GUIDE US!!
3) Time frame for the referral will depend on how fast things go once the dossier reaches the courts there. It will take a while (probably a few months) because there are a couple of places the dossier has to gain approval here in the US before it even travels to Africa, plus it's going to take us a few weeks for us to even complete it. It's pretty long and extensive and we don't have oodles of spare time on our hands, so it will be a little here, a little there, mostly in the evenings when we can really focus on what we're doing, then going to get notarization on all the documents.
4) After the referral (which is when you actually "accept" the children that will be yours) it is usually 2-4 months until travel.
5) Yes, we are definitely at this time, unless something changes, which is always a possibility, planning to adopt an HIV+ (child)ren. I've gotten to the point where I'm okay with it, even if someone doesn't like it ;-)
I must thank you again for your genuine encouragement to me regarding this.
6) As for laying it all out there without concern about how people respond, or if they react unfavorably.....
Well, hmmm.
I'd have to say sometimes I do this very well, and other times quite terribly!
Since I have about a million character flaws, this is not an easy topic to discuss without feeling like a hypocritical jerk-o-rama.
It depends on my frame of mind at the time and how vulnerable I feel about the particular subject they are criticising or opposing.
I do not have a hard time opening myself up and expressing things some might feel are too personal. I think it's just the way I am made.
The older I get, the less concerned I am about what other people think of me or trying to win anyone over. I believe God has been doing a great work in my heart and mind over the past couple of years to liberate me from this, which frees me for His service and to fulfill His callings on my life. That doesn't mean I don't feel hurt or wounded or annoyed when people vocalize disagreement or concern. I often argue when I should remain quiet. I can too easily be lured into a debate, not realizing that it will be unprofitable. So I don't have this all figured out for sure!
I guess I feel okay with myself most of the time, even with my flaws, and I am absolutely confident in my relationship with God because I know with out a shadow of a doubt, My Lord is real to me and He is near.
Ultimately, His validation is all that matters.
I will stand accountable to Him alone and He can comfort, guide, teach, convict, and admonish me in ways no one else could, so I always want to stay receptive to Him. Those lessons often come through others, and they are sometimes painful and difficult to learn.
If someone doesn't like me, or disagrees, hurts my feelings, or is bothered that I pray on my knees, it can be a great opportunity for me to grow in taking things less personally, check myself with Him, evaluate who I aim to please, ask what He wants me to learn from the situation and try to love others exactly where they are, even if they happen to be my "enemy" for this time or in this circumstance.
If everyone liked everything I said and did, it would be easy to love them and some of the biggest growth has come from loving those when they didn't make it easy. Much simpler said than done, eh? What a process to work through! Relationships with people, which include expectations and differences of opinion can be so, so challenging.
Sometimes I fail miserably at being an encourager to others. I judge where I have no place judging and say what I have no place saying.
We all need grace and forgiveness, don't we? Remembering that helps me offer it.
As cliche as it sounds, the only one I can control is myself and placing expectations on anyone else to behave a certain way leaves me perpetually disappointed. I've done that (and still do) enough to know!
I'm a big girl now. I've got to grow up, be able to absorb much, love deeply, forgive easily, and not rely on others, including my husband or children, for my sense of self-worth.
**The parenting gig I signed on for requires much of me and I want to be able to take it on as maturely and graciously as I possibly can. Being a "safe" place for kids means they can come to me with all their stuff and I can take it. Being overly sensitive or fragile on my part won't help them bond/attach/grieve and go through whatever they need to go through to heal.**
My lifetime goal is to become unoffendable. Not because I don't care, but because I can love that big. It's going to take me that long to get there, but I vow, by His grace to keep trying.
Thank you for asking.
If you read this far, I congratulate you ;-)
You are a blessing to me and I am thankful for you.
Perfect. A Build a Bear's wedding dress for Clover True.
