I will.....

fall short of several ideals on my commitment list within moments of making it ;-)
But, I will keep trying.
Because I'm seeing after struggling with the same stuff for a long time that most of it is just not worth it and I long to be free.

My commitment:

I will let the blog book replace the photo albums I used to faithfully keep up to date.

I will jump on the trampoline with my kids every day.

I will let my toenails be plain as polishing them just one more thing that needs to be done and redone again and again. (I'll cut them. No snaggle claws ;-)

I will buy bread for sandwiches and packed lunches on outings this summer rather than insist on making my own.

I will quit working in the evenings to spend time with my husband, even if the to do list is still long.

I will chuck that stupid to do list and just do what needs to be done instead.

I will let the school district that is willing and able to provide curriculum and partner in our education next year with a 2 day/week cottage program because I could use the help as we finalize our adoption.

I will stop what I am doing to look my children in the eye when I speak to them.

I will say things that are genuine and remain quiet if I can not.

I will compliment people often and sincerely, starting with those I live with.

I will refrain from fear of the future, specifically financial and adoption related.

I will not be a slave to my computer, to my home's tidiness, to my emotions, to busyness that is scheduled to thoughtlessly fill time, to other people's perceptions of me, to any one's approval, including my children's, my parents' or my closest friends'.

I will not try to prove anything about myself to anyone.

I will try to not make people feel like they need prove anything about themselves to me.

I will allow myself to become more liberated, taste sweet freedom in Christ.

Galatians 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

To Jayla,

One summer day when you were 7 years old you found something in a magazine that bothered you. It was an ad for Smile Train, an organization that provides surgeries for kids born in other countries with cleft pallet.
You asked me if you could give some of your allowance money to help these kids because it would make you feel sad to have that condition yourself. Counting up your dollars, you decided you would give $21. You filled out the form yourself, addressed the envelope and tried to put your bills right inside : ) It was a chance to teach you it wasn't best to send cash in the mail so I would write a check for you. Then, we went to the post office to mail it. You were truly pleased and happy to be doing this.
I don't know about Smile Train or how much of their income goes toward overhead expenses or where they rate as a charitable organization. I don't really care much about that.
What I do know is this was a very good day for me. Your generosity inspires me as you are always looking for ways to give and are gladly willing to forgo many items you could buy for yourself to help others.
I love you baby doll. I believe the world is a better place because of people like you.

Yes we are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzw6GiqZyD0

Hmmm...

What shall we say today?Psalm 5:11 But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You.

The Bucket Truck

Dad's company picnic was last week. He is an electrical line crew supervisor for the power company so his picnic inclues a fabulously exciting buck truck ride for the kids.
See Stryder? He's demonstrating that when you're nervous, it's always a grand idea to pull up your shirt and start eating it. Eases tension, you know?
Up up and away. We had a couple families over for dinner last night. Positive peer pressure inspired Onyx to ride his (garage sale $5, I know! Cheap!) bike with 2 wheels like his friend Niko (who lives nearby, has a dad that works with Bob, and a family that is in the process of adopting from foster care) recently learned to do. Then, Jayla decided get in on the action too. Today, they're riding like pros. Just like that. They had only practiced with dad one time before, when we took training wheels off, a couple of weeks ago. Roasting marshmallows.I'm not sure why this picture is sideways. Could it be because our good buddy Margarita came to dinner also?? She's known to have that effect on people. This was cracking me up. Lindy getting her exercise with the big red buggy full of kids. She, along with her husband Kent are adopting from Ethiopia as well and we have become great friends! It is such a blessing to have them in our lives, and right up the highway, from the prairie to the pine trees. What an unexpected bonus for us have such dear, local friends who are able to share this adoption experience together. We get along well and have a lot of fun. Life is good! Next Wednesday our agency will have their national team meeting where they will be discussing our case. Praying, praying, praying. There is much at stake.

Magic Jack

The verdict: The jury is still out.
Seems to work sometimes very well and other times you can not hold a conversation because it cuts out. Spent an hour chatting online with tech support tweaking our computer to try to make the call quality better. I'm not sure if it helped much, but it did seem to get our phone to actually ring, which it was not doing before. I am determined to give it a really good try because it is so inexpensive, and I did find my cell phone so we always have them as a back up.
When the computer is off, the phone does not work at all.
There is a beeping that sounds like someone pushing a button every few seconds.
Bob says when I talk to him at work I sound far far away. I say it adds to the marital romance and intrigue, like I am in a distant land......
That's my evaluation to this point in time.
If you'd still like to call, the new no. is 719-646-4496.
Is that weird to put your phone no. on a blog? I don't actually think anyone would waste their time calling me for no reason. If so, I'll just beep them right in their ear and blame Jack.

Field Trip to Denver

After our electronic fingerprinting, (which was sorta cool by the way) we found a park to have lunch and play. It was a wonderful Colorado afternoon with gorgeous weather.

On the way home, sleepy heads.

The driver was tired too.
The mom could not sleep. She had dancing to do. Providing entertainment for other drivers on the road is a valid service to mankind.
I don't know if I should mention this right after you see the pictures of the way we behave, but it is urgent so I must. I don't believe I have ever requested prayer from you. Mostly, I feel like your prayer list is probably pretty long. I share our lives and if you feel like you would like to pray for us, great! If not, we understand because there is a lot to pray for. However I would like to ask for it now.

Our agency is considering something for our family that they have a STRICT policy against, and they have never done before. It would be extremely beneficial to one particular child who is need of a family and immediate medical care. Would you join us as we ask for the Lord's will to be done both in this little boy's life and in each one of our family member's as well? Only He knows what is best. We humbly acknowledge that. We also believe He has placed something on our hearts and we have pushed the envelope asking more than once for an exception to be made. Our case worker is pushing it along with us, but there are many people up the ladder that have to agree. That is all I can share at this time. We would be grateful if you would pray along with us for this one of the many vulnerable children who are without a family and a home.

With thankful and willing hearts we wait.

Who says?

Blog friends aren't real friends?
I don't know. Does anyone say that?
I say blog friends rock. That falls short of what I'm trying to say, but you get the idea.
To you: My blog friends, including the ones I know in real life ;-),
My days would be more sour and lonely and tart and bitter without you.
You guys are so cool and so real and so thoughtful and so brave. You are comforting and encouraging and inspiring and kind hearted and you CARE ABOUT THE DETAILS! I am so thankful for you and to you for your friendship. It is a privilege to share life with you ladies. I am honored to call you friends. Truly blessed. I do not take you, or your valuable time you take to spend 'with' me for granted. Thank you so much.
Of all the gifts of God a woman gains in her lifetime, true friends have to be some of the sweetest.

Clearing the air

I guess that's what I was doing with my scandalous post yesterday about subjects I think I am supposed to ignore and not mention, so as not to offend anyone. The worst thing we could do is offend someone or be the slightest bit bothered by a lifetime of strained, damaged, distant relationship which now plays out with JOTSC&M and breaks my heart because they hardly know people that they should love most especially. I mean that would just be absurd. Things are fine! Great! Wonderful and splendid!

I took it down because didn't seem best to leave it there.
I'm going to let it go at that for now. Sorry if you are thoroughly confused and sorry if it offended you.

About AdSense-
I put it there to raise adoption money. It automatically generates the ads using content from your posts. People actually have to click on the ads to make the money. That's the tricky part : ) Unless you are interested in "gay/lesbian adoption" or feeding "starving Africans" you may not have clicked on the ads. Plus, I am trying to keep readership to this blog low, mostly folks I know since I am blogging very personal business and exposing our children and family drama all over the place. If I happen to comment on a blog that I know has about 1,025 people reading it, I do not leave my address to link. Hence, I have made only a couple bucks, literally. But, I have yet to take the time to figure out how to get it off there. Will get to it soon, I'm sure.....

Good Monday morning!
It's a beautiful day! Will post some pictures of the precious young ones who live here soon. They are cute as bugs in rugs these days. I love summer clothing on them. More little people parts to see. Trying my best to enjoy the sweetness of these tender years, and the long summer days of 2009. It will only come around once. Off to do just that-

Sometimes it is hard...

being a mom. And other times it is some kind of wonderful and magnificent and indescribably breathtaking and my heart feels like it could burst into a million tiny deliriously happy pieces. Although less frequent, it is no less real.It is then that I think, if I never gain another thing this will have been enough.

The van

It kind of makes you want to take a field trip doesn't it?

So, today we are.

To Denver. For electronic fingerprinting.

Because, you know the regular ink type + a local police back ground check is simply not enough. Per USCIS requirements we must have electronic prints. They are done in Aurora.

Our kids have seen the inside of more police stations than you can shake a (night)stick at.

Packed a lupper for afterward. Or would it be a sunch? Whatever.

Will find a park and play and eat our luppersunch after we visit the men in blue. Just for fun we'll go on ahead and call it an exciting field trip!

It's been a long time coming.

Finally-we have some trees! We bought this land without a single one on it.
The big man of the house had plenty of help planting them Sunday afternoon.

Aren't they pretty? 2 apple, 1 red plum, and 1 cherry. This could be addictive. I wish I Bob could buy/plant a tree every day. We he is not finished, still need to put the trim and mulch around them. But I already love looking out the window and seeing them there.
Oh yes. For the big bus fans out there-here's our hot ride.
Representin' our African peep-we heart Sudan Ethiopia.
I am missing a girl I have not met. How is that for strange? Summertime is full of fun. Barbeques, water play, outdoor grilling, ice cream and slush making. Thoughts of her occupy my mind. All the time, all the time, all the time. She would probably like roasting marshmallows too.....
I find myself feeling guilty. I know it's unreasonable. The process takes time and there is nothing I can do to speed it along. Yet, I am continuously, painfully aware, she is there, in an orphanage. We have a daughter in an orphanage. We play and recreate as a family, in a home, while she lives in an orphanage. Oh how I wish it wasn't so. Yet another aspect that has taken me by surprise and causes my heart to ache. God is near to the broken hearted-I know that applies to me. I wonder if it applies her as well. I only wish I knew.

Goodbye Qwest Hello Magic Jack

As of Friday our old home phone number will not work.

Magic Jack is ordered. Here are the things I don't know:

1) when it will get here

2) how it works

3) what our new number will be

This (fairly uninformative) information is for all 2 of you who call here!

Shake it. Shake it good.

We made home made ice cream last night.

Labor intensive-get your excercise before you indulge in real heavy whipping cream style.

I think this guy did more than his fair shake of the work. Little boy's bags got pawned off on him when they got tired of mixing it themselves.

Yumm. Worth every shake. We're off (the computer) for the weekend. Take care and see you soon!!

Fanatical about my fanatic-loving husband.

Last night: 9:45 pm.

Me: Hey sugar pie pookie sunshine, did you see that it's nearly 10 grand for a 6 day Disney vacation for our family before we pick up Meadow and while Clover is still young enough to fly free?

Him: Wow. That's a lot.

Me: Well, I've been thinking about Disney anyway-I'm not sure I'm up for it. With the super abundance and excess and extravagance. When our daughter's mother died because she didn't have access to HIV medication and babies all over the world are starving, relying on Plumpynut to keep them alive, (and that's only where it's available) and girls younger than our daughter whose parents have died are sold into sex trade, I may not personally feel free to enjoy a Disney vacation....ever.

Him: Okay. We don't have to go to Disneyland.

Me: But what about the fact that that puts me in the annoying freak who can't just loosen up and love myself some Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck category? Those princesses are awfully pretty.

Him: I'm fine with it if you don't love those guys. The princesses have nothing on my girls. I'm not annoyed by your freakishness. I'm used to it. Hahaha.

Me: You know, that will make me look like a fanatic. Anyone who does something as * Serious and Extreme* as boycotting Disney is a fanatic. Don't you care that you're married to a fanatic?

Him: Anyone with strong convictions will be viewed that way. Just don't tell people if you don't want to be called names. And don't inform anyone else they shouldn't go to Disneyland. They *may* not share your views.

Me: So you're good with it?

Him: I don't mind. I'm not surprised. Who cares how people view you?

Me: I think it only costs around $5,000 to build a freshwater well in Ethiopia. We could take a half as expensive vacation and fund a well.

Him: Alright. I would rather spend the money that way. When we're ready. We've got a trip to Africa to pick up our daughter on the agenda first.

Me: Really? Muffin cup honey hive! I love love love you Mr. Bald Man.

I want to remember this.
One moment in a lifetime of many where I am reminded of the extraordinary gift of this man who loves me as I am, fanaticism and all. I have no doubt he will one day follow through with that well.
God has been good to me.
I am so grateful.

$9,444.98

Out of sheer curiosity, for the remote possibility of a real vacation, in the distant future, I just searched a 6 night Disneyland package for a family of 7 on the Disney website and this is the dollar figure that shot out for this (obviously, EXCEPTIONAL) experience. Really? Ha! I'm laughing myself far far away from Disneyland. How about a simple playing-in-the-sand-on-the-beach vacation instead? Plastic buckets and shovels probably cost a couple of bucks each these days.
I'm sure there are better deals out there. But still. That's just absolutely positively ridiculous. I'm kind of thinking that much money could be put to *slightly* better use. Ahem.

They don't know what I know.

Dear Stryder,
About those people at Wal Mart today, the ones that were giving me the major stink eye, or shaking their heads, or even the big guy that shouted at you in his deep voice, "hey, you stop that." Don't worry about them.

Maybe they believe kids should not scream in anguish at the grocery store because their mom wouldn't let them bring their beloved blanket inside. Perhaps they are of the opinion that parents ought to be able to control that type of nonsense behavior, gosh darn it. Or they might even feel sorry for us and have pity on the woman with all those children that she obviously has no clue how to handle.

I guess they can draw whatever conclusions they want.

They are probably not aware that I didn't let you bring in your blanket because we once lost one of those valued-above-all-else-soft-bundles-of-pure-joy-to-you in that very store months ago, and the effects of that were far more traumatic than one unpleasant shopping experience.

They might not understand that demanding perfect external performance from my children is one of the most futile, exhausting, frustrating, aggravating things I could or will ever do with this cherished role of motherhood I've been given. I've tried it enough to know that it leaves me deflated and perpetually disappointed so I'm doing my best to leave perfection to God Alone and stop expecting it from any human being.

They don't know how far you've come my little boy. How you used to scream all the time at the store, every single trip and it was oh so hard for me. But, in recent months, you've grown up a lot. You've learned to vocalize, to use your words to express your frustrations much better, most of the time, and that's good enough. We all have bad days where we revert to our immature ways.

They may not realize that I did try. Your mother, as discretely as I possibly could gave you the Dobson pinch in hopes it would get you to stop. It did not and there is no, absolutely NO, no matter what the "experts" say way that I am going to turn around and leave my cart at the store and go home without the things we were there to purchase to 'teach you a lesson.'

They don't know how hard it has been for me to accept that I will have no more babies (without miraculous intervention, which I do pray for by the way) and that over the years I've come to learn I should cherish these moments, they pass me by more quickly than I am ready, and there is no getting my 3 year old back once he turns 4, then 5, then 6....
I'm okay with a 3 year old being free to act like a three year old, getting inordinately upset over third year of life concerns, like blue blankets. If you were 13 crying over your wittle wobie, we might have a weal pwobwem.

They weren't there to witness that your sister Jayla, who is nearly 8 used to be attached to her blanket like none other, nor do they see that same pretty pink small quilt now sits, alone. Neatly folded up in her closet never to be loved again with the same fierce devotion that a toddler shows her snuggly. It has become a keepsake, a memory.

That you, my boy, following in your sister's footsteps, will one day leave the house without a second thought to the location of that silly blanket. That I can already envision the future when you will laugh that you used to throw such a fit over your dirty, drag around source of comfort. That the day you leave that blanket behind will be one of those times that takes me suddenly by surprise, that my throat will tighten up when I realize what just happened, and I will be sad to see that time come.
I am not about to wish these short years away, or waste them trying to please strangers at Wal Mart who may choose to judge.
I'm just not.
Those people, they don't know what I know.

I love you Stryder. More than I can use my words to vocalize. I almost want to scream it : )

It's on its way.

Just received an e mail from our agency. They worked hard to get this situation resolved as quickly as possible-and they were able to get the homestudy and I600A application sent off today. 8 weeks begins....now. Still disappointed, but we do like the people we've been working with a lot and do not hold it against them. These things happen. It is a complicated process, with huge emotional involvement on our end. Hard not to become slightly discouraged, but there's nothing we can do and it's not in our best interest to become overly mad or mean about the whole thing. We're working together here for the best interest of this little girl. That has to be our focus.
Pressing onward....

Woops.

We just learned that the USCIS (immigration) approval that is supposed to take about 8 weeks to obtain and we thought we were already 6 weeks "in waiting" for has not even begun yet. Our agency had an oops. Slip up. Oversight. We're so sorry but.......
We signed our homestudy April 29th and believed our application for USCIS approval was immediately submitted.
Our dossier is FINISHED. We busted our tails to get it done so we would be ready to go when we received our USCIS approval in the mail. We've been anxiously checking our mailbox every day for our acceptance form. Little did we know our application was not even there yet.
We can do NOTHING until we get this approval. Ethiopian courts close August through mid September and we were so hoping our dossier with USCIS approval would make it in before that happened.
A letter was submitted with our application to expedite the process because she is a special needs child with HIV. We will pray that happens. That's all we can do. Bummer.
God be with Meadow while she lives in the orphanage. We ask that You would protect her, comfort her, sustain her health and bless her caretakers, prepare her heart for our family as You prepare ours for her. That is our request.
And so we wait.

Do you like to snoop?

I always like to see how people are living, but whenever they know you are coming, they usually tidy up, so you can't see The Real Truth ;-). I took these late yesterday afternoon, completely as is. No modifications made. It should prove to those of you who know me as a clean freak that an old dog can learn new (dirtier, messier) tricks. And, yes. If you were actually stepping foot in my house, I would totally clean up first!
Our unmade bed at 5:30 pm: What's the point now?
Shades drawn. I must be a vampire and a slob.
How about the fly swatter on the nightstand? What a hillbilly/bumpkin/vampire/slob.

Clearly setting a good example that the boys whole heartedly follow: They are supposed to make their beds as part of their morning routine. I'd call that a GREAT job! Wouldn't you?

My closet.
The white board. And, Yes, the kids DO obey the 1st time EVERY time. Of course they do.......
I think I was showing Tyden how to make an N N N N there too.
Girls' closet. If it looks full, it's 3 girls' clothing.
Cute girl in boys closet.
Boys closet. Also 3 boys' worth of stuff. I try to not have to buy clothes as they are needed for when the next season approaches. I like to have everything on hand when the day comes to pull out spring/summer or fall/winter clothes in the next size. So as I buy, nearly all clothes from Goodwill, (only for the older kids, younger kids get hand-me-downs) I hang them and they are ready to move to the dressers for daily use when the time comes. I usually have pretty much all we need, but sometimes need to make a couple of small purchases.

How do we get our kids to like second hand stuff? I don't know. They don't really bring it up. Maybe they are too young still? They are repeteadly taught that it is better to buy used because it's recycling and there is so much new junk clogging up landfills all over our country....

Shoes can't always be found in great shape used, especially bigger ones. But we try to buy NO new clothing. Last weekend Bobby and I went to Goodwill for Africa clothes. Bought slacks and shirts for ourselves. In fact, I got 2 shirts from there that still had Old Navy tags on them. Saved TONS of money over what we would have spent buying new. Goodwill rocks. That's my plug : )

Laundry pulled from the line sitting by the dining room table, ready to fold.
The desk, where I sit this very minute.
Closet pantry.
Snacks.
Cereal/pasta, pratically edible little girl.
Last night's supper.
That concludes this snoop peek. Hope you enjoyed.
Made some yummy-hearty-healthy muffins to take to the park for lunch. And we're off!

God's Garden