We Lost our Marbles

So we played the marbles game with beads.

Boys against girls: Ladies eeked out a win by one bead.
Tucking this one in bed is one of the sweetest parts of my day.
Thank you for all your input regarding the kids' names! I appreciate your great responses and you taking the time to share your thoughts on the subject. It has been most helpful as we have considred options that will hopefully result in a lifelong blessing to the children.
Now, after implementing everyone's ideas, each child will have 17 names. I think they will have a nice long ring to them. :)
~Happy October 31st~

You like?

See how I changed comments to kind words?
Now, you can only say nice things. :)

President Obama, I love you.

Thank You!!!!

Aaaah Freak Out

I just checked prices for round trip and one way tickets to and from Ethiopia. Eeeek. Not cheap. Plus, a 2 week stay there, plus visas for both kids, plus child care for JOTSC here, plus the girl's waiver packet to obtain her visa (yes, it costs $550 extra. Nice, isn't it?) + + + little additional expenses that keep cropping up.

It looks like our travel will likely be January or February. That means we have 3-4 months to come up with several thousand more dollars.

No problem :) Beans and rice for breakfast....rice and beans for lunch....

Brittany's Hope

They are an amazing organization doing tons of wonderful work with orphans around the world. Because of our son's health issues (as I shared, it turned out he was not HIV+ yay! But he does have another medical need) they attached a grant to him to help him find a family. Their goal in placing grants with certain kids is to make adoption more affordable for people as the financial aspect is a huge challenge and welcoming children with special needs increases the medical costs for families once the kids are home. They work with waiting children, older children, those who are more difficult to place, those who don't have a family waiting in line for them, so they are dear to our hearts, of course.
Our fantastic church (a.k.a. the coolest church ever) is allowing us to fulfill one of our obligations in accepting the grant - facilitating a fundraising event - by letting us speak and take a Thanksgiving offering to be donated to Brittany's Hope. Isn't that nice of them?

Have I ever mentioned how fond I am public speaking? I am. Crazy about it.
Someone hand me a paperbag please.

On Second Thought...

Our Ethiopian daughter's name means "one who is blessed." Our son's, "trusted." Lovely meanings, aren't they? I'm having the hardest time calling them by the names we selected. We are really debating changing them now. The hard part, is not knowing what they would want, and having to make a decision for the birth certificates/ss cards. Would they prefer names that are easier to pronounce and spell? Ugh. These choices are terribly challenging. We may use Flint as a middle name with the boy's name first, then let him decide what he would like to be called. The girl's name is tougher as her Et name sounds a lot like the name we liked for her, so using her name with our name would sound pretty silly. Decisions, decisions....
A rare treat, the great grandparents came over for dinner the other night.

They wouldn't usually drive this far to the boonies, but uncle Carter was here, so he could chauffeur. We had a nice meal and the kids enjoyed our guests.

A mama's girl who rarely reacts warmly to people, dolly couldn't get enough of big grandpa. It was sweet.
Onyx displaying his fine reading skills to prove that yes, we really do school at home :)
Which, by the way, is going extremely well. It seems we've found our rhythm for this year, and the kids are progressing nicely. They are learning a lot, responding to me well, attitudes are good. Couldn't ask for more! It is not uncommon for our van to remain parked from Sunday night after Awanas, until Friday morning for enrichment classes, and I love that. We are busy at home working hard, sleeping as much as we need, making homemade food, enjoying family time (rather than homework!) in the evenings.

I am grateful for this time with them. Hands down, this is one of my life's greatest privileges.

I have been wanting an apron but have not gotten around to purchasing one.

Lucky me, I found one here and felt great about buying it. Can't beat that.

The battle of the bulging home

Going to Sarah's apartment in California was refreshing and inspiring. A self proclaimed hippie, she does not have a cluttered home full of possessions. Small containers of food that fit inside one reusable bag that she could carry home by foot from the market down the street filled her refrigerator. It was completely different from my life of bulk.

We try hard to live simply. Serious effort is exerted in this area. I don't shop much. We stay home and eat at home and do most of our recreating at home.

Yet, I battle endlessly with junk junk (yes, I meant to say that twice. It's not just junk, it's junk junk!) everywhere. Our floors are littered with little things. Legos here, a barbie dress there, blankets, hats, stickers, paper scraps, gloves, shoes, socks, rotting bananas and rubbery carrots hiding in corners or under furniture. And, I am a really, really clean person who purges ALL THE TIME! JOTSC probably have 1/4 the amount of toys average American kids do. Maybe 1/6. Sometimes we get rid of them all at once because it's just too much. We keep a good handle on limiting what comes in.

There is very little storage in our house, no basement, and there is still room in the closets, so we are not pack rats. And still, I feel the clutter closing in on me every.day.of.my.life.

Shall I just give up and accept it, learn to not care? Is this a battle that can be won? How do those women from Denmark on Oprah do it?

Is a mega family destined to a lifetime full of mega junk management? If you've got the answers, could you kindly fill me in? :)

14 years and counting

~We count our first date anniversary because we're corny like that. So, happy anniversary Bobby! I had no idea you'd still be rockin my world all these years later. Back then, I would have thought you'd be too old to rock by now. You're the coolest guy I know and that's no joke. I am one lucky woman.

~A Walmart boycott began the day I discovered it was the devil's lair. I have not missed it ONE iota. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful is my world without Wolly world. And, I'm pretty sure in spite of that yellow smiley face who would make claims to the contrary, we're saving mucho dinero by staying far far away.

~Yes, yes. Of course. We are still pro adoption! Yes. No child should be raised in an orphanage.
Every child should have the love and care of a family.

~I do only wish someone had clued me into the fact that international adoption can often be as much about finding kids for parents as it is about finding parents for kids though. That was a distinction that was unclear to me and stumbling upon it has caused us to look deeply into our motives. There is a great deal of ethically gray area that should be closely considered, I believe. Next time, if we adopt again, we will be certain to ask better questions, be more clear about what we would like to avoid and what we firmly believe in. Because both exist in the broad term "adoption." In the mean time, we are developing a new passion for family preservation and advocacy.
The definition of an orphan is also much broader than I understood and I wasn't aware many, many of these kids had parents. It has been an eye opening experience.
I thought we would "sign up" do all the paperwork and have our pick from a book or a video of waiting kids. I had no knowledge there were throngs of waiting parents and throngs of waiting kids and they would not connect. I don't know how I missed it? I guess I was not nearly as informed as I should have been. I don't see many people talking about it. I should have dug deeper.

~ Beth Moore study was fantastic this morning. Family company coming over for spaghetti dinner tonight. German chocolate and key lime cheesecakes are made. Sauce is simmering in the crock pot. Most of our school work is done. Old school MJ tunes are crankin. (Thanks Chrissy!! The CDs are GREAT!!)

It is a good day in Deutschland.

What I wished I knew before

*Warning* You are about to read a blog post that will not make me more popular. It's a good thing this is not a contest. It is my opinion stated on my blog. Read at your own risk.

Going into this adoption I thought we had a pretty good handle on how it worked and what it was all about. The reasons were so clear. 147 million orphans worldwide. Whew, overwhelming. We could do something about it, right? Yes, certainly. We could adopt.

It happened that during our process we began to feel strongly pulled toward children with specific special needs. That made our course take a slightly different route than it would have otherwise. There were kids with these needs waiting in orphanages, listed with our agency, right now. As it turned out, our kids had been institutionalized 2 years before, nearly half their lives were spent in an orphanage.

What I didn't realize in the beginning, was that if we had not been matched with these particular little ones, we would have gone on a waiting list for children who met our "criteria." When one of those children came into care, and all the families who were waiting before us for the same type of child were already matched with their kids, our number would be up, so to speak, and we would get a referral. Then, we would rejoice!
Wait a minute.....back to last week's discussion.....I had to ask myself, would I be celebrating, counting my blessings, thanking God for my good lot because another family was unable to care for their child who will now become mine? Screech. That doesn't sound right.

There are dozens of families waiting for children. Hundreds. Thousands worldwide connected with various agencies.

There are dozens of children waiting for families. Hundreds. Thousands worldwide. 147 million?

What is the disconnect?

The kids waiting usually have medical or developmental or emotional needs, or they are older, or part of a sibling group.
The parents waiting usually want younger children, they may want to choose the gender, are often interested in pretty healthy kids.

This has had me very disillusioned. We needed to take a hard look at exactly what it is we are doing here and reevaluate our priorities. I started researching and came across a handful of articles, scenes that were troubling. One in particular that stands out is of a couple in their 50's with grown kids going to Ethiopia to adopt 3 because they wanted to "help." While they are there, they meet the mother of these kids who was at the orphanage to say goodbye. Tearfully, the American mother is hugging the African mother, who relinquished her children because she could not provide for them, saying "we are both their mothers, you and I." The African mother is sobbing, gasping in the American mother's arms. Gulp. I had to wipe my bleary eyes and pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Did I see what I saw and hear what I heard? Really? This is help?

Is this what our family is doing? Oh my goodness. Suddenly I didn't feel so warm and fuzzy about it anymore.

What does that mean?

Could anything have been done for this mother so she could keep her children? Wouldn't that have been kind, helpful?

Should we perhaps, as followers of Christ, spend more time thinking about serving mothers and fathers and extending opportunity for family preservation and less on welcoming their children into our homes when they're gone or unable to provide care? Why aren't we helping them provide care? We would spend 10's of thousands of $ on adoption costs. If we can fork over that kind of cash, surely we could provide assistance that would prevent parents from surrendering their children to the wealthy Americans. We could do that, right? Why wouldn't we do that?

Bob and I have thought long and hard about this. Done a great deal of soul searching and discussion. I have shed many tears and pondered the irony, the sadness, the strangeness of the situation.

Because our kids have been institutionalized so long and because they have medical needs that must be met, and because their mothers are deceased, and because we have had them "held" off the waiting list for months, and because it is too late to help their parents, we will continue with this adoption.
We will warmly welcome them as blessings. Blessings we do not deserve.

At the same time, I do not and will not look at adoption the same way as I used to with wide eyed naivete. We must become actively involved in assisting parents to care for their own kids so they do not need to be placed in orphanages, breaking the hearts of mothers and fathers who have hope for a better life for their babies. Not all the children being adopted are orphaned.
Many aspects of a better life are in the power of our hands to give. Maybe we should open them wider, generously, earlier, and accept adoption as more of a last resort, a beautiful option for children who are truly orphaned.

Just a thought.

Ocean Pacific

Jayla, ready to board the plane

Hard at work building castles First view of the beach: breathtaking Helicopter yanking someone out of the water

Training exercise or real? Hard to tell, but the scene had the attention of the entire beach Sarah and her friend Jeff on his roof to watch the sunset

An amazing view, watching the sun fade away on the horizon
Jayla and Jeff's daughter ~ She was a sweet girl Quite a chef in the kitchen, our wonderful host slaving over a hot stove. Dinner is served, delicious For Bobby who likes Christopher Walken more than any other actorOne of my favorites, of course!
Small town girls in the big city Hey, there's Shrek!Woody and Buzz Darth Vader and a storm trooper probably discussing far far away galaxy business Leaving Hollywood and headed to Beverly Hills: Tiffany & CO Window shopping in Beverly Hills
Venice boardwalk: full of fun people and plenty to look at This must be legal? Broad daylight taggingWe also tried In and Out burgers, quite good, worth their reputation. Drove through Bel Air to see all the rich and famous people's mansions. And I left my camera in the car on accident while we were on the popular Santa Monica Pier with the ferris wheel. Bummer.
*****************************************************
Adoption record keeping: Our second dossier, acceptance paperwork, and photo albums for the kids went to Et on Friday Oct 16 the boy's birthday.

New Observation

From my perspective. I know many people realized this long, long ago.

I went to southern California and watched and listened and looked around. It is an entirely different world from the midwest, Biblebelt heartland of America.

There is great need for the emerging church movement.

There are unreached people because they view the Christian church as stale, hypocritical, narrow minded, old fashioned, silly, judgemental and oppressive. Unfortunately, often with good reason.
Those same people may be hungry, yearning for truth and good works and love and peace that is shown with action, goodness, graciousness toward all. It is 2009.
Educated followers of Christ who are knowledgeable, authentic, real, imperfect, truthful, and willing to back up their words with their deeds are essential.

Not to convert or convince, not to point fingers or condemn, but to inspire and encourage.

My Pleasure: Another Woman's Pain

Is this taboo?
I don't often see it mentioned in the adoption world.

There is much talk about the wait....waiting X no of months for a referral....waiting such and such long for court dates....waiting for travel....waiting, waiting, waiting. It's all about me and how long I wait, for what I want!

When that referral finally comes and great rejoicing ensues, do I forget it has happened because another mother has lost her child? Through death, illness, poverty, or some other condition, that little one's mommy and daddy said goodbye. It is only then that I may say hello. How can I rejoice without also mourning?
We pray for referrals as we count the days, when we really think about it, doesn't that seem odd?

As I whine and cry about leaving my kids for 2 weeks, feel physically sick over the thought, I have become amazed at my own enormous, blatant selfishness.
I will say farewell, for a short while to my babies, to greet another woman's blessing into my life, forever.
I have the opportunity to do what she did not. To see her baby grow up, to hug the hurts and kiss the wounds, to advise and counsel, spend holidays together, to teach and guide and play games, hear the laughter, wipe the tears.

A referral is reason for happiness, yes. Certainly, waiting for anything is not easy.
Still, my mind is tormented by the fact that someone else paid a hefty, unthinkable price for this joy I receive.
When people say it's a good thing we're doing, I want to tell them how often I feel like a complete jerk, how much I think about myself throughout the process, my desire for 'quick results' forgetting the immense sorrow and grief of our children's family that brought us to this place of preparing to welcome them, but instead, I smile and say thank you.....

The truth is, my bountiful gain is another woman's tremendous loss. And that just stinks.

California Dreamin

~Jayla and I are departing at 9:00 am Friday from Denver. Which means we would have to leave Peyton at Too Early Thirty to get to DIA in time, so what the hey? Might as well spend the night at a hotel in Denver with the family. That way, the rest of the Deutsch crew can get a little vacation too (you like that poetry? Beautiful, right?)
I mean, it's just flat wrong-a-roo (still rhyming!) to have only the 2 eldest ladies in the family spoiled rotten with R&R.
We're staying at a place that will shuttle us to the airport in the morning. It does not get better than that. My peeps don't even have to drag themselves outta bed for the event.
Sarah has some good things planned and I think we will have great fun. I haven't seen her in so long I fear I will look old and tattered, but then I remember the years have passed for her also (although she is still gorgeous!).....time and age happen to us all.

~Made the most delicious (and nutritious) pumpkin bread this morning, but I'm not even going to show you pictures nor give the recipe. Not with the way you underappreciated my pie and everything. But I will say, if you get Goodhousekeeping magazine, you may already have it :)
Farm vegetable soup is in the crock pot smelling up the house delicously.

~I'm doing the Beth Moore study Living Beyond Yourself online, by myself (whom I am living beyond) every morning. Wowzers. It's good, good, good. That's my review.

~Happy Birthday this Friday to Flint!! You're 4!! Yipee. I love you bunches, think about you every single day all day long, and can not wait until we meet. I'm super happy we will be able to spend your next birthday together. XOXO

My, What Good Hair

Washing exclusively with baking soda & water using a vinegar & water rinse for a couple weeks, this is what we have to show for it.

You too could have hair this fabulous with all natural products which are good for both the environment, and your pocketbook!

Farm Fresh Goodness

Stopping first for lunch
Our field trip companions Sandy and her mother in law, Bhama, from India.
It's a pleasure spending time with them (and their amazing Indian cooking! They even brought me lunch and spared me the pb and honey sandwiches my kids were eating. How nice is that?)
I get to learn about Hinduism and the Indian culture from Bhama. I love it.
The crew
Getting on the tractor/trailer hay ride for some serious vegetable picking.
Potatoes
Carrots

Well, apparently I stopped taking photos at the carrots. How about that?

We also picked beans, onions, cabbage, corn, and of course, pumpkins.
Putting out some fires . A little boy's work is never done.
Kettlecorn yumminess after our hard labor.

See? There was a pig there. Cutest one I'd ever seen.
Corn maze

Pumpkin pie made from scratch because we ended up with approximately 25 million little pumpkins. Yep, even the crust.

(That's why it looks like that)
Gone in one sitting, my family didn't mind the imperfect appearance. They oooed and ahhed just as if I was Betty Crocker herself. Oh how I love them. So much I may even make them another pie.

Acid

I feel it in my stomach. Right where The Pit seems to have permanently taken up residence.

It's the travel to Ethiopia with open ended tickets because we're not sure exactly what day we will make it home after more than 2 weeks away from our children pit surrounded by acid which leaves me feeling ill.

Normally, travel to pick up adopted children from ET takes 6-8 days. Because of our daughter's medical situation, her visa will automatically be denied the first time we apply for it. Then, we have to show evidence (through a whole bunch of paperwork :) that we will take care of her medical needs, that she will not become a burden of the state...etc. This process takes additional time, possibly 6-10 more days for a grand total of somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks.

Oh my heart.

It is so, so, so, heavy about leaving JOTSC for this long.

We've got a couple of wonderful girls who are in their late teens coming in to take care of the kids with the grandparents picking them up for a few overnight stays to give the teen girls a break. It's a good arrangement. I know that.

Yet, we spend all our time together and none of us are used to separation.
If something goes wrong, there is nothing I can do to help them.
If they get sick, I won't be here.
I don't even know how much we will be able to talk.
I can't say "we'll be home in ______days" because I won't be sure when we'll make it back.

God just has to take care of us all. Trusting Him to do just that is where I need to find myself. My head knows it, but my emotions, my stomach, my watery eyes are another story.

Lord, calm my anxious heart. I want to trust and rely confidently upon You and be still, knowing you are my God, the God of my children, The One who has called us to this knowing we are only capable through You.
I cast these cares upon You.
Counting on Your grace and peace to carry us through, to care for our little ones, and for their mother too.....
I can not do this alone.

Stick it! Or Don't!

Golly Gee. (Do you like that? I kind of do because it's better than saying words I really shouldn't. Or sometimes I use by golly by Joe. My kids think that's hilarious. They're easily entertained.)

Anyhoo, It's everywhere I click in cyberland these days.
People informing other people they must not get vaccinated. It's practically child abuse to stick those needles in your kid's arms!
People informing other people they must get vaccinated. It's practically child abuse to not stick those needles in your kid's arms!

Going to a real working farm tomorrow for a field trip.
Hope they don't have pigs there. They started all this you know.... In other, less fluish news, we finished our acceptance paperwork (can I get a hallelujah? Amen girl, tru dat) for our 2 beloveds and now we await news of a court date in Ethiopia, where a POA will appear on our behalf. If we pass court, it will be not long before we travel.

I can hardly write about my emotions regarding this because I am terribly conflicted and will probably flood my keyboard with tears that fall profusely while I do the big ugly cry and it won't work any more and sparks may fly because it shouldn't get so wet, and well, you know, that wouldn't be stellar. So, I'll keep them bottled up and hyperventilate into my paper sack. My face is less blotchy that way.

Going along for the ride.

I was going to try to get rid of them before Jayla and I left for California. You know, so I could be ready for the beach.
But, as it turns out, I am not as motivated as I wish I were in this department, nor do I really have the time or energy to devote to it, so I've decided instead of losing them or firming them up, to accept their presence. Even at the ocean.
These companions may even keep me warm and help me float on the waves.
Yep, I'm taking my cellulite and post baby belly bulge along with me to the beach.

Hi, I am a 34 year old mother of 5 biologically born children who does not wish to wake up at dark-o'clock am to work out. And in 9 days I'm headed to LA baby! Just like this. Wahoo!

Being at peace with their accompaniment is like a breath of fresh air :)

Um, no. I don't think I'll miss this part at all.

The man of the house and I were sitting side by side at our desk much too late last night as we were drinking gallons of coffee and filling out more ridiculously repetitive forms stating all the same things we've already said millions of times by now in this adoption process.
I was tired and belly aching because do they try to make government forms confusing on purpose? I'm pretty sure it's a conspiracy. By someone who thinks perplexing the innocent population with massive, complex forms is wickedly funny.

Bobby: "Why do they need 1040? Isn't that kind of a lot?"

Still making me laugh today. That's just funny to me.
There's no one on earth I'd rather do wretched mounds of paperwork with than him.
Many years from now, that's what I'd like to remember about this time of our lives that my honey and I spent together, along with piles and piles of poor slaughtered trees.

Our favorite thing to do these days is try to copy this.
You can not NOT be cheerful while you do it!

We have referrals!

For 2 Ethiopian beauties. One girl, one boy. Surprise! : )
Will complete our official acceptance paperwork and send it off in the next day or two.
One big step forward for Deutschkind.

Lord help us for we know not what we do

Our outdoor mouser mama cat whom we love gave birth this morning.
The sight of those kitties was something. My breath caught in my chest as I looked down at her babies lying there. They had no furry hair, only organs in the shape of a body with very thin skin. There were heads, faces, eyes, and teeny small formed paws. They were still, lifeless.

Who doesn't like a baby kitty? Scooping up their warm bodies to dispose of was no pleasure.

It made me think, if we could only see it with our eyes. The form of the body, the parts, the eyes, the emerging heads, the arms and legs if they've begun to develop, perhaps it would make it a great deal more challenging, more heart wrenching, even unfathomable to take their tiny lives away....our precious babies.
If we could observe in human terms and reality what I saw today in kittens, if it wasn't simply some abstract concept of a blob of cells and matter, maybe we would not be able to stomach the notion of what we do, what we accept as a choice, what we offer as medical care in our society.
If we were able to hold those lifeless little ones in our own 2 hands before they were thrown in black plastic bags, if we had to observe them dismembered with our own 2 eyes, we probably would never want to even consider such a thing an option. It might even make us all very sick. We may not be able to wipe from our minds the image.
It would almost positively appear horrible, tragic, cruel. We would likely shed tears if we placed infants' bodies in the trash, we may think about who they might have become, run home to hug our children. Certainly we would. Even lesser things make us cry.
It is doubtful we would ever again think of choice in the same way.

God turn the hearts of the mothers and fathers toward their children, both those that are born, and those that have yet to be. Help us realize what we do so that we may say no more. No more.

Science Class