Deutschland

Thank you girl.

2012-01-13T08:44:00.001-07:00

How many nights have I lie in bed before falling asleep, feeling the warm tears trickle down my face, hearing them hit the pillow as I remember the moments throughout the day that I didn't serve you well? When my words were too harsh, my actions too abrupt, my tone too critical, when I communicated annoyance rather than assistance, when my primary aim was a quick resolution rather than tending to your heart, when I was too busy, too distracted, too self absorbed to really listen to your words, look into your face, make you feel heard, important, treasured, understood.

The times I feel that I have failed you in some way are about as abundant as the days I have spent mothering. I just love you so much. You are so very precious. I never want to hinder you, hurt you, devalue you, or crush your spirit in any way.

Thank you for your kind words and for your continued generosity toward me. You, my sweet girl are deeply refreshing to my soul.
You inspire and encourage me and teach and admonish me with your pure heart and your love and goodness and grace.

God was good to me. He gave me you.

1,2,3,4 & 5

2012-01-09T14:31:00.005-07:00

1) We must admit, we have found a new hard core fanaticism (which replaced our former mild fondness) for the Denver Broncos. It was Tebow. Call us converts. We believe.

2) My baby boy is the best dog I could ask for. I am amazed at how easy he has been to train! He is my very own personal canine therapy. Seriously. His presence has been helpful and healing to me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. In the absence of what I have so longingly hoped for, (a real-life human baby) he is some kind of wonderful. He gives me an uncomplicated little one to nurture where the love flows easily and freely. Dogs must, surely be one of God's uniquely special gifts to humankind. :-)
Thank you Arrow.

3) Speaking of dogs, the kids' little dog (a stray we took in last August) was hit by a car on New Years Eve. It was devastating to them, especially Jayla and Onyx. We all miss him.

4) I'm relatively certain we could have built our own personal library with the fines we have paid to our public library for late/damaged/lost books and DVDs.

5) Recently, I read a quote that spoke about the idea of Americans being some of the only people who expect love to not be paired with pain. Could anything be more true? The vulnerability that accompanies love, and the ability for those we love most to bring us pain, seem to me to be absolutely, unequivocally impossible to escape.

I think of this often with my journey as a mom. The continual taste of the bitter with the sweet - comingling - intertwined and mixed and muddled and jumbled together with no clear lines of separation.

Such a terrible, terrible time I have with my children growing up. Just awful. Grief and sorrow flow hand in hand with the happiness and pleasure and joy I experience.

I have no doubt it keeps me from savoring the present as fully as I should. Why doesn't anyone tell you this when you have your first baby?

WARNING: that innocent little bundle of joy you're holding will have the capacity to rip your heart right out of your chest (but leave it beating!). You will never, ever be the same woman you once were. Not ever again! Bid fond farewell to your former friend, Carefree. She has left you for good! No matter what you choose to do with your life from this day forward - for better and for worse - you will have a continual, blessed tether to that child of yours who will, joyously and painfully before your very eyes, grow up and (with our without your consent) leave you, quite possibly a very long time before you're ready for them to go....
WELCOME TO MOTHERHOOD!!

Perhaps this ought to come along with the lasagnas and pretty pastel bags filled with teeny tiny clothes your friends bring you, yes? You know, as an FYI?

A focus toward gratefulness for what I have (7 beautiful kids, a husband who is more than I ever knew a man could be, a sweet puppy dog) and acceptance of what I do not (a baby, Peter Pan-esque children who refuse to grow up): My personal goals for 2012.

2012-01-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Baby Girl

2011-12-31T13:00:00.001-07:00

Merry Christmas

2011-12-31T13:00:00.000-07:00

Snow

2011-12-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

*

2011-12-20T20:13:00.001-07:00

Dad playing the super fun game:
Guess Who Made Which Gingerbread House?

He was full of confidence he got them all right...until he found out he was 1 for 8.
(Mine was the only one he had correct.)

A yearly tradition,
Fargos pizza before driving around looking at lights.

*In the spirit of full disclosure I should include:
The event was tragically cut short due to excessively rowdy passengers who have absolutely zero respect for
their mother's earnest effort to produce storybook quality holiday family fun memory making steeped in tradition.....
complete with Christmas carols.

Sugar cookies with my sugars.

Gift wrapping of the $ store loot they bought for each family member with their allowance.
I wish I could bottle up and save forever the happy I felt watching them select
{special} gifts for each of their siblings,
their parents, (and the dogs.)
**I'm fairly certain some brand new scissors are in my near future.
♥

Tyden's finished handful of product.

And so, after testing (to see if the {procedure} to reverse the {procedure} worked)

we discovered it's extremely unlikely that Bobby and I

will be able to have any more biological children.

Following a prolonged period of puffy eyed wailing, mourning and grief stricken sobbing,

(cemented with excessive comfort in a wrapper consumption a.k.a. chocolate)

I picked myself up off the floor.....

and bought a puppy.

Me and my sweet-as-can-be hairy baby boy, Arrow.

2011-12-09T12:40:00.000-07:00

2011-11-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

2011-11-22T16:34:00.027-07:00

I'll never forget something a friend shared when her son went away for military training after graduating from high school. Through tear filled eyes, she uttered I wish I would have sat on the floor to build legos with him more. He always wanted me to play with him. I usually felt that I was too busy.

I think of her words often with gratitude for the gift they are to me - a reminder of the rapid pace at which the days, the years, our very lives progress.

The thing they don't warn you about before you become a parent, is that from the moment that tiny baby is placed in your arms, they are slowly, gradually, inevitably working toward making an eventual break. They don't mention that everything you do for them to teach them, to guide them, to care for and instruct them, all of the extraordinary effort you pour forth, is to prepare those little ones for the day when they are no longer little. Maybe it should be obvious. Strangely, I don't think it is. If it were, we might not find ourselves so completely caught off guard by their ever increasing size and independence.

No one will likely tell you how your heart will grow once you become a parent, the exquisite love and pain and joy and sorrow and peace and worry and contentment and concern and happiness it will manage to contain all at once. They probably won't share about the welling up that takes place deep inside you when you look into their faces, when you hear their laughter, as you marvel at their accomplishments, when you listen to their stories, while you witness their growth, watching them break away piece by piece, praying all the while that wherever life takes them, they surpass you.

When they are first born, it seems as if we will be able to hold them forever. Those initial hours that merge into months are immersed in a sea of endless need. Then, one day you realize that child of yours is too long, too heavy, too tall to carry around. They need you just a little bit less. Eventually, you trade in diapers and sippy cups for soccer cleats and math homework, reading chapter books replaces singing the ABCs. While playing outside, you notice they can outrun you. They inch their way up the growth chart until you look up to see into their eyes.

It seems as if my life has taken on a tone of perpetual bitter sweetness, pleasure and gratitude mingled with the sadness of knowing that year by year, my time waxes increasingly limited. This journey - motherhood - has been a source of unparalleled gladness. Still, ever present in the recesses of my mind as we pass through our day by day experiences, I know that although I will always be their mother, we won't always be together.

Today, Jayla pulled out a photo album of when she was a baby and asked me to look through it with her. My eyes suddenly burned hot at the sight of her tiny body, head full of dark hair, wearing the absolute smallest clothing made, being held. I remembered the softness of her skin and her intoxicating baby smell, the way I would nuzzle her neck and breathe in her sweetness. A big girl now, she's hard for me to hold anymore. But as for now, she's still here, with me. Such a tremendous gift.

I hope to savor the merciful goodness of the presence of each of my bountiful blessings.....while time is ours to share.

My Students, My Teachers

2011-11-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

All together again. How sweet it is.

*

2011-11-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

On the topic of pinterest, blogs, twitter and the like, a friend and I were talking today about how our every day lives can be made to appear something purely exquisite in cleverly crafted, perfectly placed snap shots. It's true. The images of our experience, those willfully exposed to others through social media in retouched photos may not always be an accurate representation of our hour by hour, day by day existence. Photography is a powerful medium, able to evoke a wide spectrum of emotion through one simple shot, capturing a fleeting moment in time.

Then, there is the flip side. The instances of our lives that take us by surprise. When our hearts positively swell with joy. When we momentarily grasp happiness as tangible as sand slipping through our fingers. The moments that take our breath away as it catches in our chests and we know: A simple photo could not do this justice. Our real, messy, uncropped, unplanned, flawed lives are so, so much better than anything we could stage for presentation. They are indeed, purely exquisite.

Human is not a four letter word

2011-11-04T11:11:00.011-06:00

The other morning as I was driving I caught a radio broadcast discussing blended families. After handling the first manner of business (dispelling the Brandy Bunch myth) it began playing voice clips of folks sharing their struggles to parent not only their own, but their spouse's children.

"He thinks I'm harder on his kids than I am on mine....She feels like I don't treat her kids like my own....I feel guilty for living with her kids full time and seeing mine only every other weekend....I don't think I can love my spouse's children the way I love my own...."

As the show continued and advice was offered to assist these couples in coping with their unique (and admittedly tough!) set of circumstances, I couldn't help but think that I've rarely encountered adoptive parents speaking with the same level of candor about the issues they face. (Especially not publicly, on the radio for goodness sakes!) I certainly have heard many, many broadcasts promoting adoption - and truly not one of them spent any real time addressing the difficulties adoptive parents may discover once they bring their children home. If anything, the focus is nearly always placed on the adopted children and the troubles they may have. Yet, strangely enough, when you get to the core essence of it, the challenges of step and adoptive parenting can actually be quite similar. We are both working to care for children that were born to someone else as our own. Definitely, definitely not an easy task.

Why is it that step parents are allowed, even expected to face tremendous struggle in the meshing of their families? Because blending families is hard! I truly believe adoptive parents would be best, most properly served by being afforded the same liberty. It is, after all, another avenue to 'blend' a family.

Our clan attracts no lack of attention when we are out. Like most adoptive mothers, I have been asked more times than I can count about the topic. People love to shower us with praise as they "see" that we have {clearly} taken these poor, destitute orphans and freely offered them a new life rich with love, education and possession. Mostly, I just smile and thank them for their kindness. Still, every once in a while, especially if I know they are considering adoption for themselves or have already adopted and are quietly, shamefully flailing, I have chosen to answer their inquiries with pure honesty. It has not been easy. This may have been the hardest period of my life to date. I so loved mothering my children, I felt this would be an obvious fit for me. It turned out to be nothing like I expected. I thought I had adequately prepared myself for the new role, yet I found myself woefully ill equipped. Motherhood in this form has taken days and months and years to grow on me. We step forward, we step back. We progress, we regress. They struggle, I struggle, the cycle repeats. Our adoption journey has shown me that I'm not the person I thought I was. My compassion runs dry. My mercy fails. My love comes slowly, often painstakingly. My heart breaks and mends, breaks and mends. I question God's hand. Did I hear Him correctly? Did I hear Him at all? Is this as it should be? I've never quite been sure. We press on. Things get better. It just takes time.
Often at this point I think, I should have simply said, "thank you." ☺

Some are shocked to hear this sort of confession. They might prefer to go back to talking about those poor, destitute orphans having a nice new existence and leave it at that. Could it be that folks (unwittingly) hold adoptive parents to an unrealistically high standard? I really don't know, but I wonder. Is there a certain mysticism, an undue nobility that surrounds this subject and the dads and moms that have chosen to adopt? Perhaps so. Being placed on a pedestal might be part of what makes it feel so incredibly vulnerable to expose any difficulty we meet. It's hard to think we're letting someone down. They once thought so highly of us! We went (all the way) to { } to give those lowly little ones a better life!

Certainly, admitting our frailty should come as no surprise. Not one of us is exempt from our own humanness.

At the end of the day, adoptive parents are just human beings, flawed people doing the best we can with our uniquely 'blended' families. Working to care for children that were born to someone else as our own. Definitely, definitely not an easy task...

November 3

2011-11-03T13:02:00.000-06:00

Snow Day Activity: Baking Apple Pies

2011-11-02T11:07:00.003-06:00

We used spelt flour in place of white and honey in place of white sugar. The kids are used to it, so they won't know the difference. Shhh....;-)

Having children at home and in full time school has been very, very tough. {I may or may not have been caught muttering under my breath I hate Peyton Elementary at least once a day for the past 2.5 months.} It's silly, because I don't really hate Peyton Elementary.

It's just that I am not a fan of what adding the traditional school piece to our plates has done to our lives. I feel like a slave to it. This is due to the fact that something I did not anticipate was the challenge it would pose to all of our schedules, our precious time that I've grown accustomed to savoring.

Our mornings are spent getting ready for school. I run to and from 2x/day. Our afternoons are spent in homework. Our evenings are spent rushing to get to bed in time for a good night's sleep before the next early morning. My calendar is full of things to provide and take and prepare and remember for the classrooms. Unlike moms who have all of their kids in school, my daytime hours in between drop off and pick up are spent educating the ones I have home. It leaves me feeling as if I am straddling both worlds, fully able to partake in the benefits of neither.

At the top of the list of reasons I love to homeschool is the lifestyle. We can move along at our own pace. Early mornings need not be rushed. Evenings can be spent in family activities such as games or movies, (even on weeknights!) rather than with homework. Hurry is word that was rarely spoken throughout the course of our day, and now it is one of the most common. Having just 2 kids in school has changed life significantly for all of us.

Meadow and Flint are doing well. So well in fact, that they are not getting any type of additional, specialized assistance. (They are each in the highest reading group in their respective classes. {The highest!}) Much to Bobby and my surprise, they were assessed to have no "special needs." (No, we do not believe that is true as they certainly have many special needs! Apparently, not from an academic perspective as compared to other kids in their grade. But, that's another story...for another day...)

JOTSC miss them. I miss them. It has not helped our bonding the way I thought it would as I have discovered that rushing them through homework is not an entirely endearing endeavor. :-)

Thankful for the opportunity to live and learn, I believe we are about to make a change....

Twas the night before November

2011-11-01T07:13:00.003-06:00

And the Deutsch family was adorned in their usual daily attire...

Halloween Eve

2011-10-31T07:21:00.000-06:00

Church at home (The worship team :-) )

Lesson from Psalms

Their favorite part of church - praising God with a dance.

Pumpkin carving before bed - this is the first time we've whipped out the knives. Usually we paint the pumpkins. (Shockingly enough!) not a single injury was sustained!

Little did I know that (after all sharp objects were once again safely stowed away and my heart rate could return to normal once the fear of sliced off digits that must be put on ice and taken to the ER to be sown back on smal hands was put to rest) we would soon discover the joy of carving rather than painting when an exciting, new game was born. We (oh so cleverly) titled it: Light-the-jack o lanterns-one-by-one-and-turn-off-the-lights-then-make-scary-Halloweenish-noises-to spook-the-poor-kids-then-have-the-little-screechers-guess-whose-pumpkin-is-whose. {Such fun!}
This one was dad's. I think he loves touch downs. ;-)

1-7

2011-10-25T12:16:00.001-06:00

1. There is nothing like a broken washing machine to jolt me into the reality that no matter how much I love Little House on the Prairie (and I DO! I really, really LOVE Little House on the Prairie!) I ~~had too many kids to handwash clothes~~ ~~am too much of a wimp to handwash clothes~~ may not enjoy the Pioneer Motherhood Lifestyle as much as I like to pretend I would.

2. There is nothing like 50 lbs of oats in my pantry and 40 lbs of apples coming on Saturday to cause visions of apple crisp to float through my head. Buying in ((((mega)))) bulk is my latest attempt at properly feeding the 7 ravenous children who live here and convincingly act as though they have never seen a meal in their lives, approximately every 2 hours. Apple crisp for breakfast, apple crisp for lunch.....
Dessert anyone?

3. There is nothing like a broken van to jolt me into the reality that perhaps we would all be well served to go back to the days of horses and buggies. Think green! Goodbye global warming! {It is at this very minute that I, once again, begin to ~~delusionally fool myself~~ think that the Pioneer Motherhood Lifestyle is for me.}

4. There is nothing like a simultaneous breaking of the washing machine and the van to cause me to consider my career options. $$ School bus driver? $$ {This is where I abandon the horse and buggy notion.}

5. There is nothing like the looming Halloween Holiday in a house full of children to challenge my Candy Reduction (because I can not entirely do with out! What? Are you crazy?) Plan.

6. There is nothing like old age to assist the Candy Reduction (because I can not entirely do with out! What? Are you crazy?) Plan. My favorite gummy fruity chewy goodies have started to hurt my teeth. {Insert exact moment where I begin feeling like my grandpa who long ago gave up crunchy carrots years ago because they were hard to chew.}

7. There is nothing like a vaccination discussion among (earthy, all natural, well educated) Colorado moms to rev up an otherwise calm, civil conversation. If we are in person friends, you know - I do love myself some hot topics!

The brood eating snacks at the oldest grocery store/deli in Colorado Springs.
They each brought $3 of their allowance to splurge on whatever they wanted.
Soda. They all chose soda.
Have I taught them nothing at all?

Licorice sticks taller than them were also a big hit.

Waiting at the parts store where broken van parts were being purchased,
deep in $$bus driving$$/horse and buggy contemplations - thus, the scowl.

If someone had told us then, would we have believed them?

2011-10-24T08:37:00.003-06:00

On October 22, 1995 Bobby and I had our first date. Along with his brother Neil (who set up the event for us) and a friend of mine, we went to Old Chicago for dinner followed by a few games of pool. I'll never forget (a very outgoing) Neil talking (a very shy) Bob into doing his best cookie monster impression over Old Chicago's signature giant chocolate chip pan cookie.
Be still my heart. :-)

To celebrate 16 years of not only togetherness, but wonderful, exceptional, often extraordinarily blissful happiness we took the kids out to the scene that marked The Beginning.

As we sat in a booth enormous enough to host the now 9 members of our family, I couldn't help but wonder what we would have thought if on that first date, someone would have told us all that time would bring the 2 of us? Would our 20 and 21 year old selves have run at the thought of (7!) children, 5 births, 2 adoptions, 3 mortgages, difficult career choices, gain, loss, trials, victories, tears, amazement, disappointment, the departure of youthful idealism rightfully replaced with far more gracious realistic acceptance? Could we have possibly envisioned the way the years would change us, altering our perspectives, our faces, our bodies, deepening our commitment? Would we ever have been able to forsee the myriad of decisions that would need to be made - some poorly, some well? Remembring our younger selves, I'm certain we could not have imagined all that the future would hold. Time had to unfold it slowly before our eyes, one step at a time - lesson by lesson, day by day, choice by choice, joyfully, painfully. As gradually as the fullness of our lives came to us, glancing back over the years, it seems to have flown by.

Not for a moment do I take lightly the blessing of being able to say that throughout each of the joys and sorrows this life has had to offer, amidst the array of ups and downs that inevitably accompany the unwrapping of each new phase, our relationship has truly been a source of fun, stability, support, and fulfillment, a refuge. People say it all the time and I know it's true for many of us - I am married to my best friend. For that, I am forever grateful and in awe of my good fortune.

On October 22, 2011 we shared a giant chocolate chip cookie.....
along with the people we love most and countless fond memories.

Be still my full, full heart.

Annual Trip To Miller farm

2011-10-07T13:28:00.000-06:00

Is this the 6th or 7th year? I can't remember. All I know is that EVERY year we savor the bounty of fresh produce. It takes most of a day to deal with all the vegetables we bring home (the Deutsch family has MANY hands to harvest!) but we will enjoy corn, cabbage, onions, green beans, potatoes, carrots, pumpkin and celery for months to come. Hearty vegetable soup (to be served with pumpkin muffins) is simmering on the stove now filling the house with warmth and the scent of fall. I must admit, I {heart} homemaking. :-)

Because My Mother May Kill Me...

2011-10-07T13:15:00.000-06:00

If I don't post some pictures for her. Here are just a few. Hopefully, my life will now be spared. ;-)

Funny how things change...

2011-09-16T12:37:00.006-06:00

Not all that terribly long ago, while reading Animal Vegetable Miracle for bookclub, I remember thinking the author's cheese making venture was seriously.hard.core. Really? Making cheese? WHO makes cheese? And, WHY go to the trouble? The deli at my favorite local store, Safeway (yes, I still *do my best to, but it isn't always possible* avoid Sam Walton's mega monstrosity like the plague I believe it to be. Remember, the devil lives there! ☺) has such an abundant, fragrant, delectable cheese selection. In Barbara Kingsolver's case she was proving an (excellent) point about food by growing and making their own for a year, not to mention writing a book. At that moment in my life, I could not have imagined that jumping ahead a few short years, a rustic, homemade farmer's cheese with toast would be one of my kids' most favorite snacks in the entire world. Not a drop is wasted as our cats (and 4 brand new baby kittens!) love to drink up the whey (it is also good for pancakes). Never say never, my friends. Never....☺

After a couple of rainy days, this sight graced our back doorstep yesterday evening. Although nearly dusk, the sky suddenly lit up with a golden hue. Is there anything like the smell of the crisp air after rain? It must be the very definition of freshness. As I stopped to take a photo I tried to really breathe deeply and absorb - absorb the magnificence of the view (we could see the ends of the rainbow!) and the fragrance and the new growth in my garden and the greenness all around, the feeling that every thing had been washed clean.
I thought over the adoption struggles of the past couple of years and allowed the view to serve as a reminder to me that certain kinds of beauty in our lives, the type that beckons us to stop dead in our tracks, take a slow, deep breath, and truly savor the hard-earned sweet goodness of the moment come only after a season of down pour. I took heart.

The clan in at the Ingalls family homestead barn. Yes, I know I am quite late in getting the homestead photos up. I still want to show (my favorite part of the whole trip) the claim shanty! I'm not exactly sure when it is that I used to find time to blog. I believe this is the busiest I have ever been during my decade of motherhood. Having 2 kids in school and 5 kids homeschooling and 3 in a supplemental program at a charter school and 2 in girl scouts and 3 in gymnastics has made spare time a precious, scant commodity. Finding a rhythm to our days and weeks has been a challenge that has required a constant stream of modifications - but we may be getting there. After all, somehow I have found the time to make cheese. ☺

Again at the homestead. Gosh, I love the man who would take his family there for a vacation, and enjoy it himself. My heart. It swells.

I went to visit a friend this week who recently had the sweetest baby girl. As much as I wanted to see her and meet the baby, I knew it would be hard. I was not disappointed in my expectation. It was hard! It has been 14 months since Bobby underwent a *procedure* to reverse his *procedure.* Wow. I never anticipated this to be such a difficult thing! We had 5 babies in 6 years. We were so, so blessed with such a simple, natural wonder in our ability to welcome children. I suppose I feel that we held something sacred in our hands and we carelessly wrecked it. My longing for a baby has not yet waned. We have made plans to get tested to see if the reversal worked (we never had it done after the fact.) I believe it will help me to know if there is no, or very little chance.

The thing about infertility is it is a gift that keeps on giving...every single month. Dashed hope is an emotion I have become too intimately acquainted with. And that's not easy to go through time and time again. Not to mention the sight of those sweet babies that are impossible to avoid - everywhere you look they are! You would think spending time with them would make things better, but it doesn't. At least not for me anyway. Probably one day it will. I'm sure I will cradle other people's babies in my arms with joy instead of sorrow. But not just yet....

My heart aches for those who endure the remarkable heartache of the inability to bear children. Surely, it must be one of the cruelest realities a couple can face.

{Have you read The First Four Years? Do you remember the Boast's "indecent proposal" to Laura and Almanzo? I do not fault them at all. I can imagine the desperation and desire for children they must have felt.}

Bobby is off for the next 2 weeks to construct our mudroom - at least getting it closed in, even if unfinished on the inside. Oh happy day. Happy, happy day. A mudroom is a splendid thing. For so many reasons, he is my hero. ♥

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

2011-09-09T09:51:00.000-06:00

During his birthday dinner (spaghetti & meatballs with corn on the side) we each went around the table sharing something we like about Tyden. An overwhelming theme quickly emerged: Fun. Tyden is just a fun guy. He laughs a lot. He makes us laugh. A lot. Never one to turn down a dare, he is {always} up for {anything}. This boy has been preparing for frat life since the day he was born. With him around there is never, ever a dull moment. Every family should have one like this. ☺
Happy birthday Ty. Thank you for adding so much color to our lives. It's my pleasure to spend my days with you. I love you mister.

They didn't believe me....

2011-09-09T09:19:00.001-06:00

I told my girlfriends we couldn't make it to a homeschool field trip today because we were having purple couches delivered.

LIW Historical Tour (Family Excursion: Part 2)

2011-09-07T21:08:00.005-06:00

We traveled from Valentine NE to De Smet North Dakota, the site of 5 of Laura Ingalls Wilder's books.
This is the Bed and Breakfast where we stayed:

It's called The Prairie House Manor Bed & Breakfast.

It happens to be the banker's house mentioned in The Long Winter.

Do you remember the banker?

Neither did I.

He's the guy that bought up all the housing supplies in town leaving not a shingle.

By the size of his estate, it's easy to see why.

It is a beautiful historic home.

The family that own it were kind enough to allow us to stay,

(and exceed the capacity of their biggest room...by 3)

with our flock of children.

They are lovely, lovely people.

We assured them over the phone prior to our visit that the

Deutschlets would be well behaved and quiet.

And they were!

At the end of our stay the owners crowned us

"family of the summer." ☺

They were shocked at how well the kids behaved

so they were full of kind words for our crew.

We politely thanked them, *conveniently*

omitting the part about all the

~~threatening, bribing, cajoling~~ instructing we did in advance,

and throughout the trip to ensure

the best, most respectful behavior from the bunch.

I must say, the Deutsch kids delivered.

I don't think there was a single place we went that someone did

not remark about what a great group of youngens we have.

Didn't I tell you those were some friendly folks in South Dakota?

We were quite proud of our wee ones, going around

giving larger-than-average-size families a good name.

Way to go JOTSCMF! Holla!

As soon as we drove in,

I knew instantly De Smet was the town for me.

It took no more than laying eyes upon the street signs.

Priaire Lane

Wilder Blvd

Ingalls Ave

Boast Ave

Charles Ave

Loftus Ave

Even better than the street names,

the only elementary school in town is called...

are you ready?

Laura Ingalls Wilder Elementary!

Be still my heart.

I finally found my people, the place where I belong.

Where being a LHOTP groupie is completely normal, encouraged.

Here, I was clearly not alone in my ~~fanaticism~~ passion.

This must be Home. ☺

The actual surveyor's house from By the Shores of Silver Lake.
Laura called it a "two story mansion."
I was shocked at how tiny it was.
No interior photos were allowed.

The first school in De Smet.

Laura and Carrie attended for a couple of years.

A replica of The Brewster School where Laura taught when she was 15.

There were LIW quotes every.where. ♥

Mary, Laura, and Carrie ☺

Inside of the Brewster's school.

This is THE ACTUAL last home that Charles Ingalls built that he,
Caroline, Mary and Grace lived in.
It still stands in its original site.

Again, no interior pictures allowed.
After he died at the age of 66,
Caroline rented out some of the rooms to provide for herself and Mary.

Next, the Homestead.

Family Excursion: Part 1

2011-09-06T18:53:00.021-06:00

I don't think I'm even going to refer to the trip as a "vacation." Because, who are we kidding? With this ↓↓ brood ↓↓ and not a single one of Brad and Angelina's staff on hand, there wasn't a whole big bunch of relaxation to be had.

First, we drove just over 7 hours to Valentine Nebraska

(a.k.a what I affectionately call the city of lovers where every day is Valentines!)

Have you ever been there? No?

You're only missing about 1,800 people.

To anyone who says the earth is overpopulated, I say this:

Drive through Nebraska.
Then, drive through South Dakota.

You will ever-so-rapidly change your mind.

We looked up the population of both states,

because as we passed mile after mile after mile after mile after mile (...)

of pure nothing with not a single person in sight,

I had to ask myself,

Do actual people actually live in the actual state of Nebraska?

Why yes, yes they do.

Just a few though.

Approximately 1,796,619 in the whole vast 77,358 square miles of the 16th largest state.

Which is a great big leap ahead of South Dakota where roughly 814,180

friendly folks reside on 75,884 square miles.

While humans are few and far between, I'll tell you what is not:

Corn.

There are lots and lots (...) of ears of corn thriving and populating field after field.

Corn as far as the eye can see.

And the farmers to grow it.

That's who lives in Nebraska and South Dakota. ☺

A stop at Pizza Hut with a rare treat, orange soda and personal pan pizzas.

Lovebirds "excursioning" in Valentine with a crew of smallish escorts.

Patsy's Candies Tour

2011-08-26T21:02:00.001-06:00

Where we had the chance to take a behind the scenes look at how they make all that deliciousness. Fun!

We are off to the Ingall's family homestead for our once (in a lifetime, ever?) true family vacation. [Did I tell you we read all 9 Little House books last year in addition to watching every episode of all 9 seasons of the show? Oh yes we did!] We've been away for weekends obviously - more recently overnight trips are kind of our thing now that we need 2 hotel rooms. I guess we have just never made travel much of a priority, which is precisely the reason our family rarely steps foot outside of Colorado. Once the children started coming fast and furiously and we had a slew of little ones it didn't seem like the most invigorating use of our time or money. Now that they are a bit older, we *fully expect* some amazing *rest* and *relaxation.* (!) Did you hear that Deutchlets???

I don't know how many people have said, "have a great time in Minnesota" when I tell them we are going to South Dakota. Do they think I am mistaken and I meant to say Minnesota? Or that we will arrive in De Smet South Dakota terribly disappointed that we really meant to drive to Walnut Grove? Oops! Wrong state! Let's go see Mt. Rushmore instead.

I like to chalk it up to the fact that there are few genuine, die hard LHOTP groupies like us. (Maybe that's a good thing?) A true fan knows that the Ingalls family really didn't live in Walnut Grove all that long and that their last homestead, as well as Laura and Almonzo's first was is South Dakota.

(Walnut Grove IS home to the Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum. They even have a LIW week pageant each year which includes, among other exciting activities, a Laura/Nellie look alike contest. A thrilling goal to aim for, no? ☺)

We'll see you in a week or so, with plenty of pictures...intended especially for those beloved few who know the difference between De Smet and Walnut Grove. ;-)

Adoption Stuff

2011-08-25T13:43:00.006-06:00

Thinking back to before we had our first baby, I realize nothing anyone said could have truly prepared me for the once in a lifetime experience. After I became a mother, from that instant forward, I would never again go back to who I was before children. Everything had changed. No one could have expressed to me, in terms I would be able to comprehend, the sudden vulnerability that would accompany welcoming my first child into the world. They couldn't have told me what it would be like to have my heart so tenuously exposed, that a tremendous piece of it would now be held by a separate, tiny being. I wouldn't have understood the fierce, protective emotion that would cause me to be willing to do anything, anything at all for another human I only just met. Experience was the only apt teacher for the event.

In the months since our adoption, I have often found myself wishing they had told me more so I could have gained a better grasp on what was to come. That they would have shared in our training just exactly what we would face. That the emphasis was not placed wholly on the children and difficulty of their transition, but also mine. Maybe some of the shock I encountered could have been avoided.

Or perhaps not.

Maybe it would have been like having that baby. It's quite possible that nothing they could have said would have truly prepared my mind, my heart, my soul, my emotions, my spirit for the journey we were entering.

As we were talking to some friends who have recently adopted and I was listening to them share their challenges, I realized something: Their words could have been mine. Exactly. Strangely, this has happened time and again since we returned home with our little ones while speaking with other adoptive parents. There are many common elements to our experiences.

It got me thinking, if I were facilitating adoption training what would I want to share with people to help them prepare themselves for what may lie ahead? Here are a few things I would mention:

I would tell parents that the adoption of their children may expose parts of themselves to themselves that they did not know existed - parts they may wish they could have kept under wraps. It can be a difficult realization to discover that when faced with unusually trying circumstances 24 hours a day 7 days a week, you're not the person you thought yourself to be. It's hard to look at. Still, if you let it, this can be a truly liberating discovery. It can do a great work of building compassion toward the suffering and sinful nature of others in your life. We all need abundant grace and mercy.
Sometimes, our compassion flows more freely for strangers, especially toward the faces of orphaned children flashing before us on a computer screen. Once the kids are solely your responsibility and their immense need shows in often very undesirable ways, that compassion that carried you through the process may quickly fade. That can be really discouraging as you might be tempted to wonder what happened to the person you once were - the one who was willing to scrimp and save and do mounds of paperwork and wait and pray and withstand great uncertainty as you entered the adoption process. It's ok. It will come back. It will emerge deeper and more real, tried and true rather than fleeting and superficial.
It is not only the children's issues you will need to sort through. They will and have experienced grief and loss and sorrow and sudden change. So will you. Allow yourself to grieve if you need to grieve. Mourn if you need to mourn. Cry if you need to cry. Your life has also been turned upside down, as well as that of your family. Just because your adopted children have suffered huge, traumatic losses does not mean that your struggles are any less significant. They are uniquely yours. They will be processing and you will be processing. You are a human being, not just a parent.
There is a chance you will be shocked to discover that if you have biological children your feelings and emotions toward your adopted children are not at all the same. God built into us wonderful, essential aids to help us birth and care for our children, like the flow of hormones and oxytocin that usher us through pregnancy and after. In adoption, it is a whole different ball game. The kids will be unfamiliar - in appearance, in smell, in feel. Their voices and mannerisms and quirks and behaviors and likes and dislikes will all be new to you. It's not at all the same as giving birth to a biological child, and the bond is developed completely differently so it's not at all strange that you don't experience the exact same love for them. It doesn't have to be the same to be exquisite and blessed and honorable. Don't stress about any distinction you may feel. The gap will lessen over time. It may or may not always be present, but that's not so important. Embrace the unique relationship with each of your children - biological and adopted.
Your journey may be 2 steps forward - sometimes 3 or 4 or 20 back. There will be times of remarkable strides and moments of devastating setback. There will be elation and joy and excitement at the progress made, and sadness and sorrow over the lack of forward motion. In the tough times, try to keep the big picture in mind and think back to how far you've come. It's likely further than you think. Give them and yourself credit for every milestone. Praise God in good times and in bad.
You may question God's presence in your lives and wonder if you did indeed understand His will for your correctly. It might even cause a spiritual crisis of sorts as you reevaluate what you thought you knew about how He works. Be patient. Keep praying. Look to examples in the Bible of people who had to wait and endure suffering before they saw blessing. There are many!
Sometimes love comes slowly. It comes softly. More like a trickle than a flood.
What is hard earned is most satisfying to the soul. ♥

I don't know how you people do it.

2011-08-23T21:03:00.003-06:00

I have a whole new level of respect for school mamas.

We have had one child in school for just over a week and another for 2 days. Already, I am losing my mind. Seriously. Losing it. This is crazy! HOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP TRACK OF ALL THE ~~miscellaneous crap~~ ~~junk~~ ~~garbage~~ ~~unnecessarily sacrificed trees~~ papers, notes, etc. that have to be shuffled back and forth from school to home and home to school?

This needs a signature, that needs documentation, this needs practiced, that needs reinforced, every night. These children are in K and first grade! For goodness gracious sakes.

And, homeschoolers don't do homework. ☺

Meadow and Flint really don't seem to get that most of the *stuff* they get at school has to go back to school. I'm finding papers, which are {supposed to be homework} ev.ery.where. Even after multiple attempts at communicating the importance of letting me see what they need to do and making sure they get help with it, because it will need to find its way to their backpack to be RETURNED. I (brilliantly! so I thought...) went ahead and set up a handy dandy, nifty little basket at the kids' computer desk just for these homework items so I could look them over and help ensure that items are being properly dealt with. So far, it's not working all that well.

Then, when they do bring home things and show them to me, like books for instance, they have no idea why they have them or if they need to go back or what they are supposed to do with them. And, well, I don't know either.

(((((ARGH)))))

I was obviously aware they had these same tendencies at home - to not track with what they are told or be able to follow if something is explained to them. But I really, really, really hoped that school would help them learn to learn and retain information. Maybe it still will. It hasn't been long. I think I had my hopes too high. I may have been wishing for (just a little bit of) magic.

Poor kids. This is a challenging learning curve for them. Although we are apart all day and I am certainly able to get some much needed, much appreciated respite, I feel like the after school/before school/homework tension is continuing to set us back when I so hoped school would propel us forward.

Unfortunately, this is about more than just homework. It has not been the best week for me personally. This school experience of ours has served as a reminder to me that no matter how many reinforcements I call in, no matter how much help I am willing to take, these precious Ethiopian children are ultimately my responsibility to teach, to train, to aid and assist and nourish and guide and admonish and correct and parent. To mother. And to this day, that reality is often entirely overwhelming.

Poor trees. It can't be easy making all that paper....

Sneak it in the salsa

2011-08-22T10:22:00.000-06:00

At our house, tortilla chips with some kind of dip - hummus, salsa, or guacamole - are on the menu most days. Usually we are dipping our lunch (at about 10:30 am). A friend turned me on to a super sneaky, excellent way to get the kids to eat raw zucchini (a prolific grower in Colorado gardens!) *and not even know it.* Put it in the salsa. It actually works to sweeten it up a little, so even my kids who aren't crazy about spicy foods love it. As a mom, I know that giving them tomatoes, onion, garlic, jalapeno, and zucchini mixed together is like serving up some health in a bowl, which makes me all kinds of happy. And really, who couldn't use a little more happy?

Time for lunch...

Yesterday

2011-08-22T08:54:00.000-06:00

The North Pole

2011-08-19T08:33:00.000-06:00

Our Little House on the Prairie

2011-08-18T13:05:00.001-06:00

The other night, a friend and I were looking at photos of her house and some of her current home projects on her iPad. I don't know about you, but I LOVE a peek around people's homes. Seeing how folks live is highly intriguing and thoroughly entertaining, in my opinion. I'm the one straining my neck and practically wrecking my car to catch a glimpse inside when it's dark outside and I can see in. Are you like that too?

Anyway, this particular friend is from Denver and has never been (all the way) out to our casa. So, she asked to see some pics.

I humbly share these, confident that they will not be a contentment breaker for anyone! Still, I've always taken pictures of the places we have lived - from our 1st one bedroom apartment, to this, our 6th place of residence in our 12 years of wedded bliss. We've been here 7 years (which means yes! We moved around A LOT in the early days of our marriage.) I like to look back at them and remember what I would have long ago forgotten and the sweetness of the passing years. They are priceless to me now, little pieces of our history, reminders of moments of time, fragments of our lives gone by. I tend to change things so much that from ~~week to week~~ year to year many of the rooms take on a slightly or drastically new look. If I had more $$ to work with there are all.kinds.of.things. I would enjoy doing around here. But, honestly, I am also very grateful for the lack of neverending resourses. It keeps me ever learning contentment and gratitude for exactly what I have in this very moment.

There is a chance you may have seen some of these before, as I believe I posted our dossier photos. But, that was at least a couple years ago, so of course, there are likely several changes.

The reason our house was finally (mostly) tidy enough to document is because we were having friends over to visit last weekend. Do you remember when I said that we (randomly!) met someone at the Denver Airport while we were on our way to Vegas who recognized me from the blog? They are now our dear friends Brett and Kristy, along with their 3 little ones. They came by and camped out with us on Saturday night (in tents!). We ate, stayed up late talking, did home church, and danced around our playroom together. Such fun. Perhaps our meeting was not so random after all. ♥

I forgot to get ONE single picture while they were here. Then, as they were pulling away I was bemoaning my thoughtlessness, so they reversed in our driveway for a quick photo. ↓ Here they are. ↓

Um, apparently I didn't upload these the way I wanted to,

so, we're starting with the half bath. ☺

This will one day expand to include a shower and become the boys' bathroom.

The living room

Our bedroom

Where we hang out and watch tv at night while the kids are fast asleep

I didn't get our bathroom, but you can see it a little bit

The antique milk glass lamp in the corner is one of my

FAVORITE gifts ever from Bobby

From the living room couch, looking at the front door

Dining room

Woops, I forgot to show in our bedroom the place

where the little ones like to sleep when it's their turn in

mom and dad's room

Clover doesn't wait for an invitation

She joins us nearly every night at some point

Office, where I sit at this moment

Bucket of library books on the office floor

Kitchen

Kitchen table

School / craft cabinets

My favorite Ikea find

I think it's supposed to be for silverware or something

but I find it perfect for writing utensils

Laundry room

Now, it leads out to the detached garage

Soon, it will lead to the (((MUDROOM))) !!!!!

Because we don't yet have the mudroom, these kinds of hooks are everywhere

Kids' bathroom

Towels for 7

Girls' bedroom + the guinea pig, Cookie

Girls' beds

Boys' room was still messy, but I've shown their beds and room before

The room for blessed addition(s) should one (or more) ever arrive

Too much sunlight, but you get the idea...

Again, a lot of sunlight, but this shows my favorite part of the kitchen -

the double ovens

These barstools are where friends pull up a seat to chat while

I'm working in the kitchen

I love that

Playroom (freshly vacuumed, obviously! ☺)

The maps on the wall are priceless teaching tools, I believe

Playroom again

Our gigantic couch where we watch movies together

The play kitchen that belonged to my grandma when she was young!

View from playroom toward the rest of the house

The park

The prairie

The end ☺

I think they won't do that again

2011-08-17T14:57:00.004-06:00

Why are these 3 happy faces eating ice cream with chocolate syrup?

While these 3 look completely miserable?

It's because the first 3 jumped in the van when I told them it was time to leave the park.
The last 3 kept playing....and playing.....and playing....
(Meadow was at school.)
Yes, I made them sit and watch the ice cream eating extravaganza.
And, I *may have* mercilessly carried on and on about just how delicious it was.

Right now, they are scrubbing and vacuuming the very van they were so reluctant to climb into while the ice cream eaters are playing.

I'm sorry kids.
These are important lessons to learn.

Sometimes being a mom is really hard.
Thinking of ways to get through to them is not always easy.
And other times, it's ridiculously simple.
Like today.
I can't help but laugh.
((Mwahaahaaaaa))

In the Blink of an Eye

2011-08-16T12:43:00.002-06:00

An entire decade passes by...

Happy birthday to sweet, sweet Jayla, our firstborn baby.
There is none like you. It's not just something to say - it's true.
Thank you for being my girl. I am truly so very happy that you came into my life.
You have brought sunshine to my days and joy to my soul since the day you were born.
Thank you for teaching me about love, mercy, and forgiveness. Daily, I see in you the person I want to be.
I rejoice over my extraordinary blessing, my precious Jayla.
You are a treasured girl who is growing into quite a fine young lady.
My heart bursts with love for you.

Thank you Lord for such a gift as this.

The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace.
Numbers 6: 24-26

Plan B

2011-08-15T15:23:00.005-06:00

Or is it C? Maybe D. G? Possibly Z. I can't even remember anymore...
Trying to determine what would best suit the education needs of our children this year has been hard. Really hard!

After struggling through the first few months following Meadow and Flint's arrival, it was last October that I first thought about the possibility of placing them in public school. Of course, this led to an onslaught of factors that must be considered. Would they mind going alone? Should we send all our school age kids? Will our local school meet their needs? What about the lack of diversity there? We decided at that time it would be best to keep them home, and throughout the remainder of the year I struggled with whether or not we made the right choice. Teaching them was taxing to me personally, and it was taking a toll on our relationship building process. Acting as their teacher while I was still learning to be their mother was difficult.

Bobby and I had many discussions this summer about the subject and by the end I had no reservation about sending M & F to school. So, we really played it up! Look at your new backpack and lunch box! School will be sooooooo fun! Are you excited?! As a result, the other kids started to feel very UNexcited about being home while M & F had the opportunity to experience all that bliss. Initially impressed with our local school, I thought perhaps it would be fun for them all to go, and for myself to have the chance to do all those things I never could before with my daytime hours while home with Clover and Stryder.

So we enrolled J, O and T.

Then, I cried all.day.long. Intuitively, or instinctively, by conviction or inspiration, just plain regret or whatever you want to call it, I knew instantly after turning in their paperwork I had made a poor decision. Their first day would be their last.

Although I felt silly for backpedaling so quickly, I was immediately thankful for the experience. If I had not gone all the way there, to the end of enrolling the kids, buying the school supplies, and sending them off, I would not have realized just how much our lives would change. I would not have gained the immense clarity I did from the situation. I would not have thought quite so much about all I have to lose.

I've never been one to label it a "calling." I don't personally believe one method of education is more "spiritual" than another. (Which is perfect since I have my feet planted in both worlds now!) But I do know this: Homeschooling is my passion. It is my joy. It is my pleasure and my honor and my love and my longing. There is nothing I would rather be doing with my time, my life, my talents and ability, with my heart. Being with my little ones, teaching them, learning from them, doing life together day in and day out through the hours that make up the years of our lives is the stuff happiness is made of.

Meadow and Flint will go to school. They will enjoy it and have a fabulous year. It will meet their needs.

The other kids will stay home and do various other supplemental programs and activities along with their homeschooling. Their needs will also be met.

As it should be.....

Thank you Lord for awakenings.

Finding "dinosaur" bones in our prairie grass.

Rather than tyrannosaurus Rex, the bones turned out to be Bessie the cow. ;-)

The girls ready for a tea party for a friend's birthday

The bags under my eyes

2011-08-11T10:21:00.005-06:00

They could carry the school supplies.

I did not sleep one wink last night. I was seriously awake all.night.long.

It's a long story, and quite a surprising twist - Jayla, Onyx and Tyden are going to join Meadow and Flint at school. They start tomorrow. Stryder and Clover will be home with me.

Oh, my heart.

How it aches.

And aches.

And aches.

Like, physically.

I don't know what's wrong with me. People do this every single day with no problem. Some even find it joyful!

I believe wailing would be the appropriate word to describe my continual, sobbing outbursts last night and today. My stomach is in knots, my chest hurts. No matter how hard I try to act like I'm happy, for the sake of the kids, tears will.not.stop. streaming down my face. I am a sight!

It's just that I will miss them. I will miss them so much. I will miss the long bike rides Onyx and I took during afternoon quiet times together. I will miss Jayla being my right hand girl and the amazing willingness she had to see what needed to be done and jump right in. I will miss Tyden, the way he liked to hang out with me in the kitchen and how he so often asked me "is there anything I can do to help?" The things we used to do together, what they would each do individually....their presence. I will miss their presence. Here. With me.

They are going to love it. Once Meadow and Flint were going, seeing Jayla, Onyx and Tyden's longing to give school a try themselves at a real school with a real teacher and real recess and lots of friends, I could not deny them the opportunity. They would be fantastically compliant and willing if I kept them home, but truly, they are thrilled at the chance to go. I don't want to selfishly hold them back, nearer to me than they need to be.

Sometimes, being a mom is really, really hard. I don't know if my heart was made for this.

Deep down, I do believe that ultimately, this move will make me a better mother. My stress level will be nowhere close to where it has been. I pray my relationships with each of my children will grow and get sweeter. I will have ample opportunity to miss them, and to be very intentional about the time we do have together. My hope is that I will spend less time chasing my life and more time productively living it.

You wonderful momma friends I have who are very close to your kids that go to school are on the forefront of my mind today. You are what is getting me through this! I cling to your example right now.

And to these little love bugs who will serve as my daily companions. I don't know what I would do without you...
Let's eat candy all day while the big kids are at school, ok?

Meadow and Flint

2011-08-09T16:01:00.001-06:00

...are

...going

...to

...SCHOOL!
At our local public school. Where the staff have been incredibly warm and helpful and accommodating and informative and understanding of our situation. I am praying the other children are equally as welcoming as Meadow and Flint represent exactly half of the African American population (yes, there are a whole 2 other students who share their skin color). And, yes, we indeed live in a rural, white bread community.

They are officially enrolled, excited and have new backpacks full of school supplies.

I am officially breathing a sigh of relief. The thought of regular respite and the relinquishment of my role of "teacher" to them for a while is encouraging to my soul. For now, I need to be mom. Only mom.

As you may know, we have been toying with the idea of placing them in school for quite some time. I have been back and forth - again and again. Home educating them has held its own unique set of challenges and obstacles. I no longer enjoyed it like I once did. Yet, I was reluctant. We are a homeschooling family. It's a lifestyle, one that I very much treasure, not just a method of academic education.

But, I had to admit it was taking a toll on me, as well as on the other kids because Meadow and Flint always ended up absorbing such a great deal of my time and energy leaving me drained and frustrated. How many of our school sessions ended negatively with no lack of exasperation on all fronts? Too many....

They each have a few learning difficulties that I found extremely tough to work with. I know they could feel my frustration. Our "school" interaction became one that was not conducive to learning. I believe the professionals who will evaluate and assess them, and pick up right where they are at helping them develop the skills they need to be able to assimilate information (learn!) will do a much better job than myself at this point.

The relationships between myself and Meadow, and myself and Flint need to take priority. This is our number one concern for this time.

It's not easy, but I'm trying very hard to chose not to look at this as a failure on my part and instead accept my human limitations. It has been a lot to take on what we have in the past year and a half that they have been home. We have come a long way. They have learned so much. I have learned so much. We have all changed. Not always for the better on my part, but I'm willing to step back at this time, humble myself, and say "I need some help." Thankfully, there are people ready and willing to do just that. I believe we will all be better for it....

So, bring on that big yellow bus! ☺

Since June 9...

2011-08-02T16:10:00.003-06:00

We have taken a trip to Kansas to visit my grandparents...

...worshipped and learned as a family during our home church services...

...finished the last of the Little House series - both the books and tv episodes...

...watched the children play on the same playground equipment I did as a child....

...snapped photos that show my age...

...snapped photos that show my husband's handsomeness...

...played games and games of marbles and checkers...

...agreed with democrats that the wealthy should pay higher taxes...

...agreed with republicans that spending cuts should be made...

...attended the annual company picnic...

...decided that my first bucket truck ride would be my last...

...conceded that watching the Bachelorette can be quite romantic...

...completed my first (and perhaps last) refinishing project...

...celebrated Independence Day in the E.R. with a fractured elbow...

...met old and new friends at parks to play...

...learned that Bobby's parents are separating after 42 years of marriage...

...prepared for our first ever real family road trip...

...to De Smet South Dakota to visit the Ingalls Family Homestead...

...attended the.best.barbeque.ever. at the Natarajan's...

...had new ink etched...

...grown a garden...

...played and sprayed...

...taken in a stray dog who has claimed Jayla as his owner...

...pondered the fact that the more I read my bible, the less compelling I find church...

...committed severe fashion faux pas...

...learned that with enough practice, the left hand can be just as useful as the right one...

...been reminded that Colorado summers are the best...

...planted new trees on the prairie...

...started working on our {glory hallelujah} mudroom...

...reunited with friends from many moons ago...

...roasted marshmallows...

...felt the monthly heartbreak of the inability to conceive...

...hosted many sleepovers...

...worked with Meadow and Flint to improve communication, retention, and comprehension...

...signed a cast...

...been asked if we were a soccer team or a group of neighborhood kids...

...fallen in love with our children again and again...

2011-06-09T10:50:00.001-06:00

2011-06-07T15:45:00.000-06:00

Always...

....dressing

....up

....because

Every day is an occasion to her.

Gwyneth's Fudgy Chocolate Brownies

2011-06-07T09:41:00.000-06:00

If you'd like a healthier, (sugar free!) version of your favorite brownie recipe, (without sacrificing any of the chocolaty flavor or richness) these are certainly worth a try. Real maple syrup and light agave nectar/or brown rice syrup give them their sweetness. If you don't have spelt flour on hand (I usually don't) either unbleached white or wheat will work fine too. (I like a combination of both.) A friendly mixture for everyone on your list of people to please, they are even vegan. Enjoy! ♥

2 cups white spelt flour
1 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 T baking powder
pinch fine salt
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup real Vermont maple syrup
1/2 cup brown rice syrup or agave nectar
1/2 cup strong brewed coffee
1/2 cup soy milk (I used raw milk)
1 T vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chips (grain sweetened variety if you want to stay sugar free)

Preheat oven to 350. Grease baking dish (she uses 9x11, I used 9x13) with vegetable oil.
Sift flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt together in a large mixing bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk together the 1/2 cup of vegetable oil, syrups, coffee, soy milk, and vanilla. Mix the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients, being careful not to over beat. Pour half the batter into the baking dish. Sprinkle with half of the chocolate chips. Pour the rest of the batter into the baking dish and sprinkle with the rest of the chocolate chips. Bake for 30 minutes (less if your pan is shallow, more if it is deep), or until a toothpick has just a bit of chocolate on it when you test the cake (this means it'll be super fudgy!). Let cool if you have patience. Cut into squares and serve.

If the world had come to an end...

2011-05-25T14:46:00.007-06:00

As last weekend came and went, sans apocalypse, (no, I never thought the end was seriously near! Did you? Of course you didn't!) it got me thinking. What if the end was near? If life as we knew it drew to an abrupt halt - looking back what would I have done differently with my time on this earth?

I believe that I would wish most of all that I had relaxed more, that I had accepted and cultivated a slower pace in general, that I had taken time to breathe in the sweetness of the moments, not equating stillness with idleness. I would have read more books to my children, spent more time on the floor with them, comforting their tears, rubbing their backs, listening to their voices, touching their skin, while they were young and eager to be with me. I would have corrected them less, applauded them more, been less impatient, hurrying them along to age appropriate destinations. I would have not taken for granted that they know they are treasured, wanted, cherished - I would have told them so. Everyday.

If I had seen the end from the beginning, I would have given up rushing myself and others through their processes. I would have taken rest in the sadness when it appeared. Not resisted crying - tears of joy and tears of sorrow. I would wish I hadn't fretted over the seasons of mourning. That I would relish the passages of blissfulness without looking around the corner for tomorrow's troubles. I would have sooner realized that worry truly is a waste of thought and energy. The vast majority of of what I worried about never came to pass.

I would have appreciated my body for what it is, for what it can do and has done, for the miraculous mechanism that it is, my own unique vehicle through this life, instead of continuously wishing it were something else. Smaller, thinner, stronger, leaner, taller, younger, firmer, more voluptuous. I would have recognized earlier that I am more than my appearance, spent less time agonizing in the mirror. I would have said "thank you" to it as it has ushered me through all that I've been through, day after day. I would have marvelled at its abilities, at its remarkable aptitudes, at its faithfulness to me.

I would have spent less focus caught up in ridiculousness that I can do nothing about, and less time on my computer. I would have seen that each hour with my little ones is fleeting and precious and not to be squandered away with one "just a minute" after another until they are grown and gone and no more minutes remain.

I would have been easier on my loved ones, on myself, asking for less, giving more, finding liberating freedom in being secure enough to love others unselfishly, fully grasping that the only control I have is over my own actions. I would have been less concerned with tidiness and tasks and more over kindness and encouragement and quality. I would have shown less interest in making sure I got what was coming to me and more in giving to others with little to no thought of what they do or do not deserve. Fairness would be removed from my vocabulary, grace would be elevated.

I would have celebrated. For no reason at all. Making the ordinary extraordinary, giving myself permission to experience peace.

I would have trusted God more, questioned Him less, pressed into Him in times of trouble, thanked Him in times of gladness, praised Him at all times, offered Him my fuller adoration, the truest heart of worship I could muster. I would have called upon His name more. When I found myself without understanding I would have remembered not to ever doubt - Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. I look forward to meeting You one fine day.

One day I turned around and my baby was more than just making scribbles on a page. She was drawing people. People! She keeps moving forward...one milestone after another...without waiting for consent. ♥

Morning Joy

2011-05-18T07:36:00.001-06:00

The day in which I confess...

2011-05-17T12:03:00.015-06:00

That there are moments when I don't like this job at all.

That from time to time, I daydream about doing something different, where perhaps my talents, abilities, and efforts would not go unnoticed, where a lasting sense of accomplishment would not be a foreign concept, where effectiveness would not perpetually elude me.

That while one of the greatest privileges on earth, the responsibility of raising children is also a heavy burden to bear.

That while home educating carries a host of its own unique benefits, there are also immense challenges.

That the sheer volume of the workload associated with having a large family of young children is not necessarily easy to sustain.

That parenting adopted kids well, with the variety of issues they bring to the table, can feel virtually impossible.

That although I know I shouldn't, I sometimes wish they would show gratitude for the extraordinary efforts made on their behalf.

That the relentless nature of this endeavor can be draining.

That the demands of raising a family, especially one that fits outside the box, can weigh on a marriage.

That on occasion, I wake up in the morning fine, only to have a headache an hour later, because the day has begun.

That sometimes I don't recognize myself, the me I once knew, in this role.

That I never thought motherhood would be this way.

That I expected something altogether different.

That often enough, when I am certain I have already tried it all, I fall fresh out of ideas to formulate A Good Plan.

That as a woman with needs and desires of her own, selflessness isn't always my second nature, or first priority.

That forgiveness must be continuously fostered to forge strong family bonds.

That holding a grudge is easier to do, maybe even more pleasurable.

That relationships are fragile and must be handled with care.

That their acceptance, success, good behavior, virtue, academic or athletic prowess is not my ultimate goal.

That it is permissible for me to be ok, even when they are not.

That I am the servant, not The Source.

That tenderness toward one another ought never be lost.

That truly putting yourself in the other person's place offers valuable perspective.

That God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

That a soft answer turns away wrath.

That strength mustn't mean overpowering.

That insisting on our own way is often fruitless.

That harboring disappointment lends to bitterness taking root.

That God is big enough to truly absorb our hurt.

That letting some things slide as we choose to focus on others is wise.

That much is won through great patience.

That If we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us.

That we can not control other people, they will ultimately make decisions for themselves.

That certain victories will only be earned through tedious, tiresome, persevering at all costs faithfulness.

That love doesn't always come easy, there are times when it must be slowly sculpted from nothing but a willing heart.

That sometimes the road is long, and dark, troublesome and winding, and night seems to stretch out before us endlessly and we grow faint of heart.

That eventually, when our tears have stained our pillows and our hope is nearly lost, morning finally dawns, and our joy emerges anew, fresh and fragrant.

So, we carry on.....

Ones that didn't make the cut

2011-05-12T08:12:00.000-06:00

Everyone knows only the lovliest, most flattering photos ever see the light of day and reach a person's blog.
In the spirit of Full Disclosure, here is a glimpse into what we affectionately refer to as Stryder's 5th Birthday: The Archived Collection.

No Gifts, Please!

2011-05-11T11:48:00.000-06:00

Every year, for every holiday, I say this to my family. And, I really do mean it. Gifts are definitely, most certainly, absolutely, positively, N. O. T. my love language. No they are not. Not at all.

Fearful my beloved family was growing complacent in the knowledge they would perpetually be off the hook for every Mother's Day from here to eternity, I decided I must intervene on their behalf. It was *clearly* for their own good. {Complacency is not an admirable character trait, now is it?!}

Always keeping my serviceable contribution to my brood as one of my highest, {most noble} priorities, you can imagine their surprise when I announced while standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes that they could, this year, purchase me something. In fact, I had the very thing I would *ever so generously allow them to buy for me* in mind. {I know! My benevolence spilleth over!} It was this.

I had seen it on an episode of Rachel Ray and thought it would be right up my child lovin, home cookin, simple ingredients savorin, nutritious morsel generatin alley. How pleasantly amused was I to discover I was correct? It IS up my child lovin, home cookin, simple ingredients savorin, nutritious morsel generatin alley! I have scoured each and every page in search of delectables I believe my (no longer complacent, thanks to me. You're welcome Deutsch people! It was the least I could do for my precious bugaboos...) family will enjoy and have earmarked a bundle of them.

I do not think I have ever been so excited about a cookbook. I am sure I will (roughly, because sticking strictly to a recipe is next to IMpossible) attempt of half or more of the recipes in the book, which is rare for me. Usually I pick out a handful and leave the rest to someone else.

The recipes are clearly simple, fairly basic, delicious, and highly nutritious with user friendly symbols informing the reader of which are vegan, vegetarian, can be made ahead, etc. in addition to approximately how long each will take. I have nearly all the suggested staples in my home already, and you probably do too. Also provided are variations for several of the dishes, sure to be pleasing for parents and children alike.

*Our crew eats vegetarian about 50% of the time and it includes many hearty meatless meals that will satisfy. We eat vegan exactly 0% of the time...unless it happens by accident. Our penchant for dairy is strong, undeniable, and must be heavily indulged in order to keep any semblance of peace.*

She does not know it, but G.P. is my new best friend. ~~And no,~~ ~~I find nothing creepy about that statement whatsoever~~.

The boy who refused to stay 4

2011-05-10T13:10:00.000-06:00

And his happy birthday celebration.

My baby boy could not possibly be 5.
There's just no way.
As he insisted, I realized someone forgot to inform him of this impossibility.
How could he not remember?
It was, afterall, just yesterday that he was born.

Happy birthday to the coolest cat I know.
Seriously child, you are the definition of coolness personafied.
It's good to be Stryder.
I'm convinced, the world could use a lot more of what you've got.
I hope you never lose your confidence nor your ability to make people smile.
Your light is so bright.

You are loved, boy.
And not just by your mama.

Thank you for filling my days full of your special Stryderness.
I can't imagine them without you.
Knowing you is surely one of my greatest gifts.
God blessed me.
He gave me a Stryder.
I'll never be the same....

I love you.
♥

Chocolate Chip Cookie Pie

2011-05-05T12:56:00.002-06:00

Ridiculously easy. Intoxicatingly fragrant. Simply delicious. Found here.
Guaranteed to thwart my new Fitness First Lifestyle Plan.
However, cancelling my gym membership the way I did this morning is bound to have the same effect....
I added cream cheese to the recipe. Because is there anything on earth that does not taste better with cream cheese? No. I think not.

-

2011-05-03T16:22:00.000-06:00

We might have learned even from the poets that love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness. Kindness merely as such, cares not whether its object becomes good or bad, provided only that it escapes suffering. But if God is love, He is by definition more than mere kindness. He has often rebuked us and he has often condemned us but he has never regarded us with contempt. God has paid us the intolerable compliment of loving us. We are therefore, not metaphorically but in very truth a divine work of art. Now, over a sketch made idly to amuse a child, an artist may not take much trouble. But over the magnamopis of an artists life, the work which the artist loves the most, the artist will take endless trouble, and would doubtless thereby give endless trouble to the picture if it were alive. One can imagine, an alive picture, after being rubbed and scraped and recommenced for the tenth time wishing it were only a thumbnail sketch whose making were over in a minute and not a magnamopis. In the same way, it is natural for us to wish God had designed us for a less glorious and less arduous destiny. But then we are wishing not for more love but for less. ~C.S. Lewis

Hebrews 12:5-6
And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:
“My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.”

1-5

2011-05-03T12:37:00.006-06:00

1) What do I do with her while I am working on school with the other kids?

I keep this one (and Stryder) at the table with us as much as possible. It's only when they can not stand one more minute of sitting-stillness that I let them go off and play, or maybe watch Sesame Street or one of the Leap Frog DVDs. While they are in the school area, I have lots of little hands-on activities they can busy themselves with - beads and strings, beans and egg cartons, alphabet magnets, monkeys in a barrel, coloring books, scissors and paper, whiteboards and markers, preschool pages, etc...

I have found that they absorb an astonishing amount of educational material through osmosis. Simple proximity to the learning that is taking place is an extremely effective teaching tool. Tyden is my best example of this. The boy knows far more than a kindergartner would be normally taught. It's only because he is taking in what Jayla and Onyx are learning right along with them.

**This year, Stryder and Clover have also enjoyed some play time together while the older kids are doing school - and it is very sweet for them - so I do try to allow it too. But they are also prone to getting themselves into mischief (and smear entire new bottles of hair conditioner all over the floor.) So, my "keep them at the table" approach may have dual motivations. ☺

2) We joined a gym. A brand spankin new, great big gigantic one. It's in Colorado Springs, so it's a bit of a trek for us, but they have 3 of these:

And if you live in this neck of the woods, you know pools are not necessarily easy to come by unless you dwell in a neighborhood that has one as part of their community. *Hugely surprisingly* Sticksville (where we gleefully abide) does not happen to offer such amenities.

**Although we primarily joined the gym for pool access, I was oh-so-pleased to discover this facility allows 2 hours of free child care per day while mom and/or dad work out. Hello! If I am soon in the best shape of my adult life, you'll know why.....

3) Speaking of getting in shape, I have decided that since no baby seems interested in climbing aboard my woefully vacant womb at this moment ~~and my new gym has 2 free hours of child care per day~~, I will now devote myself entirely to promoting ~~a rockin hard body~~ excellent physical health. This seems a good alternative to hosting a (wee precious) baby who would only cause me to grow bloated, large, and full of all manner of undesirables (such as stretch marks, heartburn, loud unladylike belching, and varicose veins.) Yes, I am all about fitness now...~~as I throw my Easter candy wrappers away~~.

**Perhaps this will help with the embarrassing, uncontrollable, spontaneous sobs that erupt every time I see a Bountifully Blessed pregnant woman.

4) My husband just finished building a 16 x 24 foot barn. With his own 2 hands. This endeavor propelled him far into superhero status among myself and our children as well as increasing his hotness exponentially in his wife's admiring eyes.

**Never underestimate the power of a handyman to make the ladies swoon.

5) I asked Stryder what kind of cake he would like for his birthday thinking he would suggest, "chocolate" or "funfetti" or "white." Instead, he dared utter the (dreaded) word "Batman." Um. Well. Clearly, this dear child does not yet realize the limits of his mother's *modest* cake decorating abilities. If it's Batman my (teeny-tiny-little-bitty-infant-who-couldn't-possibly-be-turning-5) boy wants, it's Batman he gets.

** Excuse me, while I go look up the phone number for the Bakery....

This one's for you Mrs. Plunkett

2011-04-30T10:52:00.001-06:00

My brown walls are no longer brown. Are you happy now?

Play

2011-04-30T06:07:00.000-06:00

{Swing}

{Race}

{Pose}

{Climb}

*

2011-04-26T14:08:00.005-06:00

This is the first Easter we have not gone to church, or to another religiously affiliated event.

Ever.

For the past couple of months we have been worshipping together, as a family, at home. And no, that is not code for not going to church and replacing it with nothing. We really do. Worship. Together. As a family. At home.

During the week leading up to the celebration of the resurrection of Christ, we read through the scriptures together, beginning with Palm Sunday - and ending with the Ascension following Jesus' days on earth after his resurrection. We spoke regularly about what was happening in the days prior to the crucifixion - how Jesus may have been feeling, what his disciples might have been going through, what Jesus was doing to prepare himself and them, and what his resurrection would ultimately mean. It was a very sweet, tender time for Bob and I to delve deeply into scripture with our children. They were so eager, responsive, willing to take it in, to think about the events surrounding the time we know as Easter Sunday. They were truly special days.

I have not idea what other people should be doing or what it is that draws them near to Him. All I know is this: For me, there has never been a year that I have felt more connected to what exactly it is we were rejoicing over last Sunday.

There are many factors that played a role in our decision to worship at home during this season rather than attend church services. I have spoken to enough people to know this is a highly controversial subject. I really do understand that this issue is a huge stumbling block to some and there are folks who could not imagine devoted followers of Christ living apart from (at least) weekly church services. I get that. Given a different upbringing or general personality, I could definitely see myself feeling the same way. But, I was given neither that kind of upbringing nor personality, so I have absolutely no problem with worshipping at home.☺

I can not express how much God has used this time for great good in my heart, my mind, my life, and my family. We have been heavily in prayer, in our Bibles, and in praise through music. He has restored broken pieces that I feared were lost forever. Parts of myself that I thought I may never see again, are budding anew. I have found Him here. For that, I offer my thanks, my praise.

*********
Below are the 4 oldest kids singing and signing In Christ Alone on Easter for the family. (They also recited the entire chapter of Psalm 103, showing off their big, smart brains and hard work since January. My heart! I was so proud of my little whippersnappers.)

I thought the song would be so completely familiar to everyone watching. It wasn't. Apparently, every person has not run out to buy a copy of it immediately following the first moment it fell upon their ears causing immense joy to erupt from deep within. {Shock!} I hold the humble opinion that this tune should be in every Christ follower's repertoire to belt out anytime they need an every day ordinary reminder of the extraordinary price paid on our behalf. I *may* get all kinds of choked up during that one (glorious!) part causing moisture to involuntarily leak from under my eyelids. Even more so now that I know sign language to accompany the words. So, as I dab the corners of my eyes I say, "don't mind me, I must have something in my eye."
It's just a little happiness falling out....

{Hunt}

2011-04-25T12:14:00.000-06:00

Dessert

2011-04-21T08:23:00.001-06:00

Bag of caramels and 2/3 cup half and half melted on the stove top until warm and creamy with granny smith apples. (Doubled for our brood.)

Delicious AND nutritious.

Unless you use the apple as a spoon and never take a bite....

********
A new little thing that I wrote is posted over at A Word With You Press.
It's really short.
101 words, to be exact.
About Elvis.
Sort of....
Since writing it yesterday, I can not get the song Tainted Love out of my head.
I think that's because I've never actually heard Elvis' Faded Love.
Care to take a look?
I'd love to hear what you think, or see you enter the contest yourself!

Picasa!

2011-04-20T16:10:00.002-06:00

She's up and running again. Oh happy day. I ♥ picasa.
**********
Flint told me today (in his usual extremely quiet, demure, but matter-of-fact-manner) that he doesn't like me. Unsure that I heard him correctly because he speaks very softly ~~especially when he breaks his mother's heart,~~ I asked him to repeat what he said. Probably realizing this wasn't his most favoable admission, in an effort to soften the blow, he then decided to say he likes me "only a little bit." Which I considered a substantial upgrade. ☺

Bobby and I were talking on Sunday and I shared with him that I was sure my lack of therapeutic parenting has caused Meadow and Flint to be afraid of consequence....and quite frankly, afraid of me. Parenting them with the same approach that worked so beautifully in simultaneously developing strong, nurturing bonds and appropriate respect for boundaries with each of our biological children during their early years - has not proven itself the best technique for building healthy attachment with our adopted children.

I have let the busyness of daily life, the stress and demands of raising 7 children within a 6 year span, our full homeschooling schedule, and my own desire to hold them at an arms length - to an extent - as I adapted to my new role of adoptive mom, to keep me from pursuing the greatest good I could offer them as a mother. I spent a huge portion of the last year swimming in a sea of uncertainty, loss, grief, regret, and ambivalence. Trying to get through the days, I put one foot in front of the other, working hard to hold it together, knowing many small hearts and lives were at stake. But I certainly did not give my best. I'm not sure I was in a place that I could. I can see the effects of this now. In Flint. As I'm finally, really coming out of my post adoptive fog, I am sure of one thing. I have much work to do. (So I took him in my arms and kissed his soft cheeks, professing my love for him and undying devotion, which only made him laugh. It's a start.....)

On the up side, his confession spurred an outpouring of effusive affection from the other kids. And, let's face it, momma can always use a little lift. I would fully this expect from JOTSC, who are protective of their mommy's feelings and are still young and innocent enough to believe she hung the moon. But it was Meadow's response that really got to me, sending a sweet ache to my heart. She hugged me big and told me, unreservedly, that she loves me very much and she doesn't know why Flint would say that. She showed such warmth and compassion.

After all the mistakes I've made this year, with my countless fumbling and foibles as I unsteadily, awkwardly staked new territory in my Motherhood Journey, when she would have every right to stand along side him and say, "I don't like you either" she told me she loved me. And, I believe her. I can not express how humbling that is.

This afternoon, unexpectedly, I saw God's grace in my African daughter's eyes. Rich, benevolent, mercy.
Today was a good day.

Communication Communication Communication

2011-04-15T09:40:00.001-06:00

14 months after our adoption took place, it is the single greatest issue that continuously proves to be a significant challenge.

It's really difficult to explain. There are such a number of scenarios in which this plays out during the course of a day or week or month or year. A large portion of communication is non verbal as well, so that element also plays a role in the challenges we face. There are attitudes and actions and facial expressions and words - or a lack thereof, on all of our parts, that couldn't possibly be quantified or expressed in one tidy little succinct blog post package. As I regularly tell my long distance friend while we chat on the phone about the subject "you should come and see what I mean." That may be the only way to really understand.

Suffice it to say, the bottom line is our ability to communicate clearly with one another is strained. Still. This shows itself in a variety of ways. I believe since our kids were older when they were introduced to the English language, it was a very difficult transition for them. But, truthfully, it's not only the ability to articulate and pronounce words (which Meadow does quite well but Flint still struggles with some.) It's also how we communicate with one another that proves difficult. In addition to the customary blank stares and prolonged pauses as they try to search for the answer I may want to hear, (whether their response is true or not seems to matter very little to them, if they are able to come up with an acceptable answer) that are their typical response to being asked direct questions, the expression of thoughts, feelings, and or emotion is also really tough - because it doesn't exist. In other words, neither one of them verbally express thoughts, feelings or emotion. At all. This makes a nice heart to heart conversation impossible. ☺ Even when something occurs that may call for a reasonable discussion. Which in turn, makes it hard for me to feel like I am really getting to know them well, or that we are developing a close relationship. The usual give-and-take piece that vital relationships naturally have is certainly not there.

Another thing is we have seen absolutely no signs of the grieving process we were prepared for and thoroughly expected. None. I don't know if this is typical or not. At first, I thought we escaped that unpleasantry scott free and they were just so overcome with joy to be here they did not miss their caretakers or lives in Ethiopia. Now as I have witnessed other situations that should typically evoke sadness, and do among our birth children, but leave Meadow and Flint completely unscathed, I am beginning to wonder if this lack of grieving is not indicative of another issue all together.

As a woman and a mother, I love to talk to my kids. Getting to know them each on an individual basis, nurturing bonds with them, observing their growth and change in all categories, hearing their "take" is one of my greatest joys on this earth. Even the youngest kids like to talk to their mommy....a lot! I am praying for wisdom and insight that will help me develop that type of close knit relationship with each of my African gifts.

I am not writing this to seek advice or input, (although if you have some I'm definitely all ears. Especially if it doesn't involve costly therapy appointments!) Mostly, I just want to say, that if communication is an obstacle you wrestle with as you forge and foster relationships with your adopted children, you are absolutely not alone.

There may be some discrepancy....

2011-04-14T11:17:00.003-06:00

concerning the measure of a true homemaker. Is it making your own laundry detergent or baking bread from scratch? Is it only for mothers of more children than they can count on one hand who speak every gentle word with the utmost kindness? Must I avoid dramatic hair color and permanent ink on my skin to be included?

Well, to heck with what anyone else thinks. I have, on my own, decided that making yogurt in one's crock pot should be the mark by which all homemakers are measured. Whatdoyouknow, coincidentally, that is because I, for the first time, last night, made yogurt! Would you like to join my *highly exclusive, VIP* club? If so, I'll tell you how. (It's actually remarkably easy. All it really takes is time.) But don't tell too many people. Then it won't be nearly so special. ☺

Pour 1/2 gallon of milk in your crock pot.

(I used raw milk - I think you're not supposed to use "ultra" pasteurized.)

Cover and cook on low for 2.5 hrs.

Unplug your crock pot and let it sit for 3 hrs.

After 3 hrs, scoop out 2 cups of the warm milk and whisk in 1/2 cup of a store bought yogurt.

Dump mixture back into the crock pot.

Stir.

Put the lid back on and wrap a heavy bath towel around the unplugged crock pot.

Let sit for 8 hrs.

Wala!

Warm, fresh yogurt will be ready and awaiting you.

(The texture will not be as thick and gel-ish as store bought yogurt.)

This morning we added honey, a smidge of brown sugar and bananas.

This afternoon, we mixed with organic sugar and berries.

The kids DEVOURED it.

I was happy because we usually do not buy yogurt other than for smoothies -

(In the fruity sweet kinds that the children like, there is loads of sugar and high fructose corn syrup,

unless you shell out for Stoneybrook Farms or something like that.)

Not to mention fact that I've joined the ranks of Homemakers United.

Bringing healthy dairy products to our families and smug satisfaction to ourselves....

one delicious serving at a time.

☺

**It can be stored in the refrigerator in airtight containers for about a week.

If you don't like it warm you can cool it before you eat it.

I think you can add sugar to the milk in the beginning instead of adding it after the yogurt is made.

I will try that next time. **

Date Night

2011-04-13T17:50:00.001-06:00

For a girl and her dad.

After dinner, they took off -

To the store to buy a new baby doll .

(In addition 9 packs of gum because Clover has decided she should gift each person in the family with one.)

Then, to Culvers for frozen custard.

It doesn't get much better than that. ♥

Can I ask you a question?

2011-04-12T12:21:00.005-06:00

Last week the kids and I attended a homeschool event held at the YMCA for the first time. Not surprisingly, of all the moms in attendance, I was the one with the highest number of children in tow, in addition to having the most colorful family. ☺ Also none too surprising, was the array of questions I received from other curious mothers about our lives and how I manage.

It's funny, because as I am well aware of The List (you know, the list, right? The incredibly long one that's full of all the ((nosey, silly, inquisitive, laughable, rude, crass, judgmental)) things you're not supposed to ask a mother of a large family, or an adoptive mom, or a homeschooling family.....or any other kind of family that falls outside the range of what we consider "normal.") I am really not offended whatsoever by the questions I receive. I get it. I really do.

As a person with an inquiring mind who has always been interested in large/adoptive/homeschooling families, I have asked plenty of those questions myself. In fact, one time, many years ago, while standing in line at Target, I asked the man ahead of me how many bedrooms were in his house after I learned he had 9 children. Oh yes I did. It was because our family was growing and I was genuinely trying to figure out how people with heaps o kids do it! Will we need a mansion.....? Do you know what he told me in response to my Question From The List? With a smile, he chuckled and said "not enough." Right then and there, under the bright fluorescent lights where the giant red bulls eye reigns supreme, he taught me that they were making do, and happily so, since he had already shared with me he and his wife's love of children and family. I'll never forget it. (Although I may have had he lectured me on the social impropriety of asking such intrusive questions.)

I rarely ever, ever feel an overwhelming desire to "educate" people on how to address me or discuss my children. Even with the barrage of interesting remarks we receive, and trust me, there are some doozies! Usually, I can easily decipher what they are intending to ask, even if they don't have the politically correct phraseology. And truthfully, I'd rather they just come out with it anyway as try to dance around the subject with terms I deem acceptable to my delicate sensibilities.

I don't mind freely acknowledging that yes, my husband and I know what causes it. Or that I am, in fact, NOT my African children's birth mother and that it was never part of Perfect Plan A that they would become mine. I do parent them but we can neither deny nor ignore that they are not my real flesh and blood. Or that they are siblings now but this wasn't the case before we welcomed them into our family.

It's not difficult to grasp why folks would be interested. Lord knows, I've shared many of same curiosities about people I've seen out and about from time to time. (I may have even fallen prone to an occasional urge to stare or quietly, under my breath, count offspring.) I don't blame others for wanting to know how/why/where we do what we do, nor do I fault them for not being aware of the most properly appropriate, most highly suitable words with which to pose an inquiry. Usually, when I am fortunate enough to come across an unusual family, I find myself in the same boat as those who approach me wanting to talk about my life. I'm just a person trying to figure out what makes those beautifully unique, wonderfully busy, extravagant by design families tick. And, perhaps, in the process of asking them a question and receiving an answer, I might learn a thing or two that will deeply inspire, teach, encourage or change me. Maybe their response will even stay with me forever.....

*************
p.s. I used a relaxer on my Ethiopian daughter's hair.
Twice. (Which has made our lives loads easier.)
So, no one has ever accurately accused me of being politically correct either.

Oh, For Aching Tailbones!

2011-04-11T12:34:00.002-06:00

Not mine of course. I managed to stay upright, (even while ~~dragging little people along side me~~ teaching the kids to skate) as did The Mister. They could have used some tailpads though. At least they are pretty close to the ground to start with. That surely helps. Watching them was hysterical...and painful. I can't imagine being them. Ouch. Despite the rather unfortunate, repetitive occurrence of hard floor meets soft body parts, fun was had by all.

I really did love watching them go for it.

Good times. ♥

***********

If you happened to offer suggestions for shows we could order up on

Netflix to watch after the young ones have gone to bed, thank you!

I've already placed several of your recommendations on que for the very near future.

I think you have great taste. ☺

Not much of a blogger lately....

2011-04-08T14:18:00.003-06:00

I've been awfully busy. Apparently, too busy to blog. Which means, that the onslaught of useless information that has popped into my mind on any given day this week has had no choice but to remain right there, crowding up my brain cells. What have I been so incredibly busy doing, you ask? Very important tasks I tell you! Such as.....

um...huh....hmmm....Give me a minute to think. Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum.....{scratching my head} {looking aimlessly into the sky} {tapping my chin with my pointer finger, while my face is tilted ever-so-slightly to the side with squinting eyes} {making clicking sounds on the roof of my mouth with my tongue} Well, ahem, I suppose my tasks were not exactly all that important.

But, there was the devouring The Hunger Games, which kept me awake all.night.long. worrying about Katniss. Then, immediately following that was the wretched waiting for Catching Fire to come in the mail (Hello Kindle? I need you! Santa, are you listening?) so I could find out just how dastardly and wickedly corrupt The Capitol truly is....which lead to more late nights of course.....

And, my balder half was out of town so I held down the fort solo-style, which is a sizable job of itself, wouldn't you say?

Then, there was the walking walking walking walking I have done outside in this warm(ish) but terribly blustery weather to keep my *bigger* jeans fitting properly. I figure the effort of trying not to blow away is a bonafide workout in and of itself, worthy of being rewarded with plenty of homemade brownies.

We finished up Little Town on the Prairie - our 5th consecutive Little House book this year. And we are now in season 7 of the t.v. shows. I'm *officially* naming this Our Little House Year in our *official* home school. Which is funny, because I love them so much that once we finish, we will start over at the beginning making next year Our Little House Year as well. (Oh, just kidding. Sadly, I am only joking. I know, they must be taught something else. We'll alternate Little House years....☺)

Stryder, Flint and I went on a date to Walmart to spend their allowance money, which was super interesting for me considering they have absolutely zero concept of what their dollars ($14 for Stryder $21 for Flint) can purchase, leading them to believe they could/should have the opportunity to select any/every thing their hearts' desired from the aisles. We made it out with one toy a each and *most of* my sanity.

Oh, and there was our wedding. Bobby and I were married for the 147th time per our daughter's request. They are quite the wedding planners making (gorgeous, pipecleaner) rings, tissue paper flowers and a lego cake for the occasion. It was a fine affair full of dancing, kissing, bouquet tossing, elegance, music and romance. (Or it would have been, if not for the male children who simply do not appreciate such fanciness.)

Then, there was the (((loud))) practice of the newest boy band to grace the home stage.

And, eating a mountain of a meal over at the grandparents house to visit with out of town family.

And finally, the self-portrait-paper-plate-designing-because-that's-as-crafty-as-I-get.

I made one too.

Can you tell who is who?

- Picasa is still not working - sorry these pics are so small -

My thoughts exactly

2011-04-05T17:06:00.000-06:00

If you have adopted, or are in the process of adopting, or are thinking about adopting, or have ever considered adoption, or would like to support someone who has adopted, or love someone who is adopting, or know anyone who would like to adopt, or are the grandparents of adopted children, or the friends of parents who have adopted, or have ever heard of adoption, you should really read this. Really.

It brought tears to my eyes. It is my story too.

Psalm 103

2011-04-03T11:34:00.002-06:00

This is one of my favorite psalms of all time. It reminds us that God has removed our transgrassions from us, and forgiven our iniquities - that He remembers we are dust and pities us as a Father pities His children.

The recording cuts off at 1 minute, the kids keep going (with plenty more yawning from the boys) - but you get the idea..... :)

Memorizing entire sections or chapters isn't as hard as I would have thought. Jayla, Onyx and Tyden are doing really well with it. (Meadow and Flint aren't able to keep up yet. Their English skills aren't quite there at this time.) For now, I am preferring this type of memorization to the random-verses-out-of-context approach.

The cameraman (me) was momentarily distracted with Clover and cut part of Onyx out for a while. Woops!

~ Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me. Bless His Holy Name. ~

10 things: He and I

2011-03-31T13:36:00.002-06:00

Brianna did this on her blog today, and I liked it so I'm doing it too.

Here are 10 facts (we'll go ahead and loosely call them that) about The Mr. and myself.

1) We can, and do, make anything and everything possible into a game of some sort. From me having him guess the dollar figure I spent on items I have just purchased at the store, to trying to decipher the scents of various candles in the house with closed eyes, to taste tests to see if Blue Bell really IS the best ice cream on earth, to speaking in acronyms and having the other person figure them out, to just about anything else under the sun, if we can turn it into a game, we do. This is especially fun for me when I am privy to information unbeknownst to him and he gets to guess what it is. I'm giddy just thinking about that last scenario. It's not a power play on my part at all. Really. Not at all.

2) When we met in 1995 at Gart Sports, I was dating someone else. Can you say s c a n d a l o u s?

3) He is not overly forward in social settings in general, but was in fact, uncharacteristically assertive in pursuing his bride-to-be. {Be still my heart}

4) Although if you had to categorize us he would probably be more of a spender and me more of a saver, we rarely ever, ever, ever disagree about how money should be spent.

5) We rarely ever, ever disagree about decisions concerning the children.

6) I am more liberal theologically and politically than he is. I *favorably* call myself a *mild* moderate and him a conservative extremist. (He happens to love that.) (Although it is not really true. He's not actually all that extreme.)

7) Raised Roman Catholic, he wanted nothing to do with religion when we first began getting to know eachother. This prompted a genuine ultimatum because there was no way I would date him if he would not attend (my crazy Christian cult) services with me (which he did, for many years.) That makes me laugh now. Right idea, wrong approach I'd say.

8) We like to watch t.v. series from Netflix after the kids have gone to bed. Our current one is Lie To Me. (Does anyone have any suggestions for what should be next? We wondered if Prison Break is good? Lost is too scary!)

9) We are both only somewhat social. Neither of us is hugely extroverted with an overwhelming desire to hang out with people all the time, although neither of us is at all shy either. We just don't enjoy crowds or feel the urge to socialize all the time. Sometimes, it is nice. Especially with really good friends. But we can easily go for months without having any get-togethers as a couple or with other families. (I do see my girlfriends much more regularly (hello - therapy!) while he stays with the wee ones and he has his buddies at work.)

10) He is completely, utterly, absolutely unreserved and he never, ever, gets embarrassed. Even when I ask him at an upward basketball game to start asking (shouting out to) the crowd to "give me an L, give me an I, give me a G.....what does that spell? LIGHTNING!!" and everyone gives him a blank stare which totally cracks me up, he'll do it. For the most part, he does.not.care.at.all. what people think of him.This one of my favorite things about him. He is really, really fun and makes me laugh nearly every single day.

Would you believe....

2011-03-30T10:53:00.003-06:00

That some friends of ours gave us a free Wii, complete with a handfull of games, as well as drums and guitars for rock band? Yes they did. And yes, we were officially the last family to not own a Wii. The kids are in Wiieaven. Not only that, but they delivered it to our way-out-in-the-boonies house and set it up! We are very thankful. I only wish I could bowl so well in real life.....

Or that while sitting at the Denver airport, *innocently* reading a ~~romance novel~~ Good Christian Woman Magazine, a sweet woman approached me (causing me to abruptly ~~hide in my bag~~ put away my ~~smutty~~ godly reading material) and asked if I happen to know so-and-so (Angela Dormish). I said, yes, I do know her. She proceeded to tell me that our mutual friend, so-and-so (Angela Dormish) had at one time linked to my blog and she recognized me from it. They are in process to adopt an HIV+ little boy from Ethiopia, awaiting court right now. They were headed to Vegas also to attend a friend's wedding. (This is exactly the point that I began humming "It's a Small World" in my mind...)
We had a fantastic conversation with her and her husband, talking about all kinds of things. They are such a great, interesting couple. Too bad they live so far from here. We would love to have them over one day.

**Sidenote: I had to laugh at myself as I tried really, really hard not to be whatsoever offended when she said she *used to* read my blog....and appreciated my honesty. What do you mean used to? At what point did I lose you? ☺

Christy, if you're there, Hi! It was so nice meeting you. Thank you for deciding to take a chance and come over to say hello! We are praying for you, your girls, and the adoption of your little man.
______________________________________________________

My darling daughter sent me this note in the mail today. She gives me letters regularly, but this one is definitely a favorite of mine. It made me smile. Thank you sunshine. I love you Jayla girl. You're a little bit "goofie" yourself!

Viva Las Vegas Take 2

2011-03-29T13:39:00.003-06:00

When I couldn't get picasa to work I grew tired of trying to figure out why, so I thought about saying forget it. But then I realized our highly-romantic-once-a-decade-trip would go undocumented and that just seemed terribly sad. I do think the photos should be visible to someone besides me now, after (many a grueling hour of) uploading the old fashioned way. If you can't see these, you will (unfortunately) never know how *absolutely incredible* they were. ☺

Trying this again:
Home now, Bobby and I had a great time away from life on the prairie and the myriad of daily responsibilities. We enjoyed some seriously good conversation and a lot of fun.

Two major discoveries were found during this trip:
1) We still enjoy one another's company and can get along quite nicely for 4 consecutive days alone.
2) We are very quiet and, I think, very dull.

It turns out, without our children around, the flurry of commotion and volume that typically surrounds us was dramatically reduced. {Shocking!}
We happen to sit rather still in our seats and speak to one another in a rather normal tone and eat meals and snacks rather uneventfully with very little mess or whining or fighting or complaining. We generally spend exactly zero hours crying and we even use the restroom an average, expected number of times/day as opposed to every 6.2 minutes, around the clock.

~ The most extraordinary bliss is often found in the most unexpected places. Like, Dullville. ~

Our room wasn't ready when we arrived so they upgraded us to this suite for the (rest of - it was already 1:00 am) night. Um, ok. I ♥ The Stratosphere.

Saweet!

The exact dollar amount we planned to use in claiming our substantial gambling $$ fortune $$

The wolf running away with every last cent of it at Slots O Fun in under 120 seconds flat. {Tragic}

Shaking off the {devastating} loss with a huge {WIN} on Ms. Pac-Man. High score setting in the making happening right there, yes indeed. It was just too bad she didn't pay out.

My favorite hotel.

What??? This must be my cool pose. Maybe I was in need of a restroom. I don't know...
Bobby was determined to snag a few photos of me since I.am.never.in.them.
I think this look has something to do with the reason why....

Um hmmm, sure....this is how you pose with a stone ram.

Riding the bus. Don't let the relaxing look fool you. I'm quite certain my internal pedometer told me we walked exactly 800 million miles that day.

Without our *precious* bus passes it would have been double that.

Can you believe that underneath that red nail polish my toes are still black and blue from the 1/2 marathon in NOVEMBER? {Pretty}

At the airport, ready to head home, talking to the sitter, who was still alive!

We were thankful for the chance to get away, tired from the millions of miles of the Vegas strip we covered, fortune less, and ready to return home to our loud, exciting life full of little lovelies.

Thank you to my mom for capably caring for the Deutschlets!

Just think, 10 years from now, when we go away again, they will be 13,14,15,16,17,18 & 19.

And, that makes me want to cry....

2011-03-28T16:09:00.002-06:00

Would love to blog - but picasa won't post pictures. They won't manually upload either. I have no idea why! What's a blog post without photos!? When I figure out this *major* technical difficulty, I'll be back. Thank you for your patience.
☺

I'm headed to the Desert of Clark County Today...

2011-03-22T08:00:00.002-06:00

Vegas baby!

But, I've got water in India on my mind.

It's World Water Day and The Adventure Project has an amazing opportunity today to partner with The Prem Rawat Foundation who is generously willing to match donations up to $10,000 for a program that trains local people to repair broken wells in their own communities, and beyond. This could make for a $20,000 day today folks. Big money.

Did you know?

*One third of all handpumps installed in the last twenty years in developing countries are now broken. And 4,000 children die every day because of lack of clean drinking water. Unacceptable.

*Instead of drilling more wells, we can use our charitable gifts as well for something revolutionary – to train and employ handpump mechanics. The mechanics earn an income, bringing themselves out of poverty, and they save lives – turning water back on for thousands of people each year. ~Taken from Jody Landers' blog

You can read more about it, in really simple, easy to understand terms, here. Go on, it won't take long!

Then, when you're all excited and convinced, you can go here and donate. I am!

☺

Learning to wait

2011-03-20T14:57:00.003-06:00

When Bobby and I were dating, we belonged to an *ahem* unusual religious organization. This particular sect was keen on micromanagement of its assemblage. You may remember me mentioning before that because of this, we were engaged for 3 years before we were told the date we would be married by their minister.
(No, we did not select our own wedding date. Can you spell w e i r d?) I could go into the intricate reasons we subjected ourselves to this particular brand of strangeness, but that's another story....

That 36 month period of time was extremely trying for me, as we waited for word pertaining to our own holy matrimony. In my hypersensitivity to all things marriage related, it seemed that there was a continuous stream of news shared about friends and family members who were tying the knot. Witnessing other people, seemingly easily, gain what you long for is not necessarily the most pleasant sensation that can befall an individual. I may have turned physically green with envy. I spent a great deal of time bemoaning my (obviously, wickedly unfair) lot.

It's funny now, almost a decade and a half later, some of those marriages that took place in the years just prior to ours, the ones that I was so jealous over, are not even still standing. Each one of the couples has certainly endured their share of hardships and joys, trials and sorrows, high mountain tops and low valleys. Marriage, of itself, the institution I heaped my praise upon when I wanted it so badly for myself, did not automatically ensure some golden ticket to life long happiness.

Would you believe, that from my vantage point today, as I look back on that (extended) spell of time that was our engagement, it is with extraordinary fondness. Fondness! Of all things! What sweet memories I hold of dating my beloved husband-to-be, when we were both young and free, full of energy and adoration. What fun we had together. What precious moments were shared as we wrote the beginning of our story, which would one day become our sacred history.

Now, I am beginning to see that over the years, there have been a variety of stages throughout our lives where we have been in waiting, for various events that may or may not take place - seasons where we just didn't know what the outcome would be of this or that. Times that we, beyond our own control, were forced to simply wait. Waiting for things we desperately wanted. Waiting for things we were ferociously trying to fend off because we did not yet realized their utter inevitability. Waiting.

Waiting is hard to do.
It can cause the heart to grow faint.
It can elevate the godly desire into an idol.

Yet, there always seems to be something new to wait for. The immense satisfaction of the arrival of what we hoped for lasts only for a while, before we find ourselves waiting for something else, something new, something next, once again.

So, as I wait now for my heart's desire during this chapter of my life (one that I do not know if I will ever obtain or not) I pray to God that I am learning to wait more maturely. I ask that I will see His glorious face in these days. That I will know His presence and that He will use this time to build character, trust and surrender. That I would learn to loosen my hands and relinquish the angst and the grief I can all too easily burden my hours with. I pray that I would find sufficient strength and humility and reverence to praise and rejoice and worship and offer sincere gratitude for all I have at this very moment whether or not I ever gain what I long to have.

That I may learn to recognize and savor the sweetness of these special, fleeting, waiting days....before they are gone.

Teach me Lord. I am waiting.

Reading Together

2011-03-17T13:22:00.001-06:00

It is my single, solitary most favorite thing on earth to do with my children, which, I think, is part of the reason I am continued a fan of homeschooling. We have the opportunity to spend countless hours curled up with good books.

Yesterday, we finished our 4th book by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I can't speak highly enough about this one! It is definitely my favorite so far. There are abundant lessons to be found in The Long Winter which provided ample teaching and discussion opportunities for our family. I know it is supposed to be written for children, but I found myself personally moved and inspired by the heartiness, positive attitudes, joyful natures, industriousness, selflessness, ability to "make do," and gratitude of the characters. It's fairly suspenseful, so we cruised through it because we couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next. I'm moving The Long Winter to my short list of favorite books for families. I give it 5, big, fat, golden stars and 2 enthusiastic thumbs up. It's that good.

Enjoy it with your family today. (Just seemed appropriate to end this blogfomercial with those words.)

*And no, I'm not singing its praises simply because I am a known, hopeless LHOTP junkie.

2011-03-16T11:28:00.000-06:00

Thanks to my friend Courtney, who inspires me all the time by being such a fun mom, and to my generous friend Sandy who happened to give me a great big giant bag of pancake mix yesterday, the kids had these for lunch. At least for today, my children think I'm cool. I can't thank you ladies enough. ☺

My hot date last night

2011-03-16T08:30:00.000-06:00

...with his cold drink

2011-03-16T08:21:00.000-06:00

Randomocity (according to the urban dictionary, it's a real word)

2011-03-14T16:24:00.002-06:00

Because I can think of nothing worthwhile to say and reading seemingly insignificant tidbits about other people's lives is one of my favorite things to do.....

Random fact #1) I do believe I could eat nothing but sugar (in various deceptively masking food-like forms, of course) for several consecutive days before missing true sustenance. Which is funny, because I am not a junk food junkie per se. It's simply that I maintain a passionate affection and intense craving for sweets.

Random fact #2) My story, The Art of Allowing Time did not win February's contest. But, it did receive a nice shout out, which is reward enough for a non-writer like me.

Random fact #4) I ~~delusionally~~ sincerely thought that taking a couple weeks off blogging would propel me into the forefront of the race for Mother of the Year Award. How could all that free time on my hands not effortlessly translate into exemplary motherhood? I don't know either! But, it did not. Alas, this is when I discovered I must actually be kind to them during our ample hours in one another's company if I plan to gain any Maternal Accolades. (Or at least go to bed at night without shedding tears of regret over my many, many, many mothering mishaps.)

Random fact #5 I can not count. Because I skipped Random fact #3.

Random fact #6 In my hard core pro-adoption days, I used to be less than completely for invitro fertilization. There were so many children awaiting parents after all! It has only been through the inability to conceive a child after undergoing a sterilization reversal (a SIXTH biological baby for goodness gracious sakes) that I have come to develop an overwhelming compassion for couples who desire a little one with their own DNA and continuously fail to see their dream become a reality by natural measures. This serves as yet, another example of how I can not seem to make myself draw hard lines about issues the way I once so easily did. This is black, this is white, this is right, and this is wrong. Life is so full of nuance and exception and simplicity and complication and areas of heavily shaded grey. I hold the utmost respect for couples who choose adoption exclusively. And for those who choose fertility treatments. My hat is off to both.

Random fact # 7 I'm thinking of getting another tattoo. I really like this one. What do you think?

Random fact # 8 For the first time in 7 years Bobby and I are getting away for more than one night sans Deutschlets. We are going to Vegas for a few days next week. Alone. Oh yes we are. ♥

Onyx will be 8 tomorrow

2011-03-11T11:12:00.001-07:00

And so, this marks the time of year during which the Deutschlets' ages line up. I have absolutely no idea why I derive any excitement and pleasure out of this completely inconsequential little fact. But I do. Maybe it's because it is *slightly* uncommon and I'm *slightly* easily entertained.
As of tomorrow our kids will be 3,4,5,6,7,8,& 9.
If that's not outrageously fun, I don't know what is. ☺

It's been nearly 2 weeks

2011-03-10T08:47:00.004-07:00

Since beginning this process of ~~telling people more than they ever wanted to know~~ online journaling in late 2007, I have never taken a break from blogging for as long as this one.

Here are some things I learned while on hiatus:

1) If you are going to become ill, it is infinitely more pleasant to find yourself horrifically nauseated with an incredibly sweet pint sized companion to keep you company, cuddling on the couch and dozing off at will between trips to the porcelain bowl, as you fight against the urge to purge all day long, together. As they (the people full of wisdom) say, 2 are better than one (especially when the small one has the face of an angel!) It is also super nice to have a daughter who is mature well beyond her 9 years that is able to hold down the fort while mom and baby (yes, my dolly is still a wee little, teeny tiny, itty bitty baby) lie around watching episodes of Sesame Street and Dr. Oz, crying out from time to time that ooooooooh their stomachs hurrrrrt.

2) At this stage of life, it is better not to have a scale in the house at all. I don't know whether it is post adoptive stress, or age, or a combination of both, but in my 35th year, things began not working exactly as they used to. Despite the same eating and exercise habits, which include plenty of fitness inducing activity, my body just wants to hold onto a few more lbs. than it once did. This realization has riddled me with anguish, (as I buy larger pants) which in turn has caused me exercise more profusely.....and become more discouraged when the ridiculously disobedient scale wouldn't reflect my hard work. So I threw the thing in the trash. Selavi. I am now focusing on overall health, not numbers (including jeans size!) Freedom. Tastes so sweet.

3) I may need an "enhancement" to correct vision in my still blurry left eye. My eyes did not respond overly kindly to lasik the first time, so I am NOT looking forward to another procedure. Poor, poor me and my great big huge problem.

4) With rumors of gas prices rising to upwards of $5.00/gallon, I am really glad that over the years I have learned to find great comfort and contentment within the walls of my own home. Because that is where we, and our 12 passenger van will be staying.

5) Thoughtful women dining together can, in one seamless conversation, cover topics ranging from the role of church in our lives, to placentas, to the glass ceiling effect that seems to keep some individuals at a certain level, to labor and delivery of precious babies, to *romance* in marriage, to the existence (or lack thereof) of hell, to our rights and/or abilities to claim old testament promises as our own. In case you weren't already convinced, ladies are some gifted, gifted individuals. I am completely thankful for excellent friends.

6) My husband is an amazing man. I am humbled and honored to be his wife. Marrying him was, by far, my wisest choice to date. (It doesn't hurt that he swears he can not tell a difference in my *new larger* size. He is a smart one indeed!)

7) Whether or not I am blogging or spending little or much time on the computer or playing games with them or doing all the right things with the each of the hours in my day, one thing is of primary importance if I am going to be the type of mother who can go to bed at night and rest easy in the assurance I have given my best. I must show my children abundant, pure, honest, plentiful, benevolent, kindness. No matter what we are doing or how busy we are or are not, if that single simple element is lacking as I relate to them, both while disciplining and while having fun, all else fails. My best efforts to engage my kids by giving them my time and attention will fall short if I do not do it with an extraordinary amount of kindness toward them. It works as a powerful, healing, connective agent, binding mother to child, soul to soul, heart to heart. It tenderizes, purifies, and motivates intentions. Both mine and theirs.
After nearly a decade of mothering, this is what I believe to be true.

Blessings ~

2011-02-24T15:30:00.004-07:00

Personal Space

2011-02-23T11:56:00.005-07:00

In our home, where 9 occupants reside, it's not usually easy to find. The Deutschlets LOVE sharing rooms. In fact, we have 3 bedrooms available for kids, but only 2 are occupied - 1 for the boys, 1 for the girls (leaving one open for highly anticipated future blessed ♥ additions.)

Below are the boys' beds. Cool, aren't they? The talented handyman of the house built them. Onyx sleeps on the top bunk, Tyden and Flint's beds are each in the middle, and Stryder's is on the bottom. Right across from the beds there is a bookshelf and a dresser. 1 dresser. Then, there is a closet. 1 closet. At this stage, the kids still assert that sleeping alone qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment executed by only the harshest parents alive. I'm sure one day that will change and the handyman will have to build an 8 bedroom house, right after he wins the handyman lottery. ☺Until that celebratory moment in time, when confetti falls from the sky and a giant check is signed over to the handyman himself prompting long lost relatives to come crawling out of the woodwork begging for money, everyone is happy this way.
Except for the fact that there WAS no where for the pint sized people to place their ~~junk~~ precious prized possessions.....

Until now.

Children tend to gather stuff, right? You know, the items they lay claim to that are uniquely and solely THEIR OWN personal effects, to be guarded fiercely with strong threats of scratching an unsuspecting siblings eyeballs out if they dare to TOUCH the stuff belonging to THEM ALONE.
When 4 small, grabby roommates share the same space containing only 1 dresser and one closet, it can prove very difficult to find safe spots for that kind of treasure.

I saw the idea somewhere, on someone's blog, which I'm having trouble remembering, (if it was you, thank you!) to use rain gutters as shelves for books. This way books can be placed facing forward, making them more appealing for little hands and eyes, which will surely prompt hours of spontaneous reading, resulting in a house full of young Einsteins. What a great concept! ~~Since we don't care enough about reading to use them for that~~ I thought they would make nice shelves to place on the walls near the munchkin's beds to store all of their coveted booty.

Handyman and I went to Home Depot on a date night because we are wild and crazy like that, and we bought gutters and 14 end caps. Then, the handyman cut them into 2 foot sections, glued the ends on with some fancy, industrious, gutter glue or something....and wala! Adorable little shelves for each child in our home, allowing 24 precious inches of personal space. Don't they look remarkably nice for plastic gutters?

Since they are curved, they actually hold quite a lot and the goodies don't just fall to the floor, becoming lost. Because everyone knows lost stuff is material for brotherly blame and subsequent eye scratching. (((He tooooook myyyyyyy stuuuuuuff!))) Here is Tyden's stocked shelf:
I can only imagine the specialness contained inside the pages of that green and white notebook.

Oddly enough, these shelves fill my heart with pure giddiness.
You just never know where happiness will be hiding -
it could be right along with your kids' priceless treasures.

*

2011-02-22T19:09:00.002-07:00

Clearly I am currently addicted to the thrill of the challenge of writing according to someone else's guidelines and rigorous stipulations. So, to satisfy my craving for indulges I seriously have no time for, I decided to submit another little thingy over at A Word With You Press. The contest is called Wherefore A.R.T. Thou and the rules were tricky, tricky, tricky. Wanna hear them?
1) The title had to be The Art of {fill in the blank}
2) Then, the piece had to start with the letters A R & T....as in Annie returned twice....or Arbitrary rules tease....or Ants race toward...
3) THEN, within the entry, somewhere, anywhere, a sentence had to have 6 consecutive words beginning with the letters WRITER, such as, when Russel instigated the exceptional resolution....

Um, yeah. Tough, right? But, there were a couple things on my mind that I thought might be fun to jot down. Some of it is really reminiscent of stuff I've shared here already. It's kind of a hodge podge. I'm kind of wondering if it even makes sense to anyone besides myself...

Anway, if you'd like to take a look, it's right here. If you'd like to leave a nice comment on the site, I'd like to thank you, thank you ever so kindly. ☺

Celebrating 12 years of wedded bliss

2011-02-21T10:52:00.002-07:00

As with anyone who has the privilege of knowing her, Big Grandma has been a very valued, very important person in my life ever since Bobby and I started dating nearly 16 years ago. An infinitely wise woman, fully and wholly devoted to the Lord, I couldn't begin to list all that she taught me through the years, while sitting at her infamous kitchen table. There, the hot coffee and warm hospitality freely flows, along with sweet, memorable conversation about days gone by. Big grandma holds an uncanny ability to make each person feel as if they are uniquely special to her. With fondness, she can tell you about her youth, spent in Nebraska when they brought in the wash bin for and heated water for a weekly bath every Saturday night. She can instruct you in the fine art of butchering a live chicken and teach you all about canning fruits and vegetables or growing a prolific garden. She discusses marriage and family and life and love and history and friendship with a gratitude and humility and zest few possess. At her table, there is always room, always time for just one more....one more story, one more cookie, one more cup of coffee. She has mastered the art of living and loving well. Her words frequently come to mind and stir my heart, reminding me of worthy priorities as I spend my days. Although perhaps she is unaware, she has served as a mentor to me in the truest form.

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas she became rather mysteriously ill. Doctor after doctor could not seem to accurately diagnose her condition, so her health continued to decline. Finally, only in the last few weeks, they have been able to determine what the problem may be and prescribe medication to help her feel better and regain some of her strength. I can not express how much it fills my heart with joy to see her up and about and full of life once again. Having the health and energy to enjoy doing things she likes to do is an answer to many, many prayers, said by many, many people.

Last night, Bobby and I had the opportunity to spend our 12th wedding anniversary with Big grandma and grandpa, along with uncle Dean and Jayla and Clover while the rest of our kids were at awana. We shared lasagna and salad and tapioca pudding and coconut macaroons and laughter and happiness and memories I will never forget.

The preciousness of our hours together are never far from my mind, especially now. I thank God for one of the most treasured gifts of my entire life, Big Grandma. Everyone should be as blessed by someone special to them as I have been by her.Thank you Lord for the one and only Patty Jeanne Frey. ♥

*

2011-02-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked one year.

2011-02-16T10:38:00.002-07:00

It's an amazing thing to witness parents and their adopted children unite for the first time. I remember watching one of the families we traveled with meeting their new addition. It was at a stop prior to ours, so we were free to stand back and observe. It was a breathtaking moment, full of tenderness and eagerness and willingness and joy. It brought tears of happiness to my eyes.

On February 15, 2010 we arrived at the orphanage in Ethiopia to meet Masso and Tamene. Looking back, I suppose it's safe to say I hadn't the foggiest notion what to expect, although I was relatively certain I did. Like a good adoptive parent, I had played the image out in my mind of this exact scenario time and time again as we waited.

I figured I would know exactly what to do, how to conduct myself, when I first saw my precious children's faces. After all, I was a mother to 5 already. I was quite comfortable in the mommy to young ones role. This is how mommies behave. I will do as mommies do. I will lovingly swoop them into my arms, whisper in their ears, and cry sweet tears of simple joy. Then we will walk off into the sunset together ready to face any challenges that come our way.....

Except that's not at all how it happened.

I was caught off guard. The whole experience was stunningly surreal. Seeing, in real live little people, the children whose pictures we had been gazing adoringly at for what seemed like months on end, the kids we had prayed for, saved for, fought for, hoped for, longed for, right before our very eyes, was a lot to take in. It felt as if I was watching the whole thing unfold from the outside, trying to prod myself to do what I was convinced I should be doing, but I felt stuck, unmovable, unable to produce the touching moment I knew ought to be taking place. We are meeting our children! Why isn't this going right?

They were not as I had imagined they would be. They were taller, bigger kids than I anticipated with different mannerisms and responses than I dreamt up in my mind. Flint wouldn't, couldn't look us in the eye. He appeared completely uninterested in our presence, and he demonstrated it often throughout the trip and in the airport on the way home by literally running away from us at every opportunity. Meadow was clearly distraught. Her tears poured. She mourned. This made me cry. And cry. And feel even more stuck, at an utter loss for how to comfort, to communicate, to reassure this little girl who was leaving life as she knew it behind. She spoke only Amharic. I, only English. I had no gentle words to whisper in her ears. No mommy instincts were guiding me in the right direction. Where were they when I needed them so desperately? As much as I thought I was prepared for The Adoption Experience, my mind would not seem to concede I was these children's mother.

In the year that followed, I continued to struggle with that concept. Everything I had come to learn about mothering over the past number of years no longer fit. My bag of tricks was illsuited for these kids' unique needs. The service required didn't flow as easily as it had with our biological children. The immense foundation of love didn't have time to naturally, mercifully, form the way it had when we welcomed newborn babies. It was more of a thrust. I underestimated the huge role the vast communication barrier would play in our lives. A level of darkness came over me. It covered my days. Taxed and weary, my compassion grew faint.

Yet, as the days waxed on we somehow managed to make astonishing headway. There were breakthroughs and setbacks, streaming tears both of sorrow and of joy. There was grief and anger and happiness and hard won milestones. There were high mountains and deep valleys and moments when I grieved for who I once was, wondering if that woman would ever return to me.

I now realize the answer is no.

I am forever different than I was before. I have been transformed through the trials and triumphs of a heart scouring process unlike any I have known. It has not been an easy path and we still have far to travel. My compassion has not fully recovered, my view of myself is irrevocably altered. I find both consolation and distress in this. But, I'm coming to terms with living amidst that type of tension.

When I hear news that a willing family is adopting, I sometimes wince, knowing the road that lies before them may be rocky and difficult, that they may go in looking one way, and come out on the other side without the slightest resemblance to who they once were. Their expectations may be blown to smithereens, become scattered all over the hillside, unable to be pieced together again.

Still, to them, I smile and say congratulations. You will rarely have the opportunity to engange in anything so overwhelmingly worthwhile. God be with you. Although I don't always see Him clearly, I am sure, He has certainly been with me.

Yes, I'm showing myself doing the ugly cry.

February 15

2011-02-15T12:55:00.005-07:00

Or, more appropriately named: I can not think of another title.

I can see! Yipee! As of yesterday,my eyes are 20/25 and *supposedly* well on their way to 20/20. The edge of the cut around my left eye became frayed (or something to that effect, just hearing about it made my eyeball ache, so I found it quite settling not to be anxious to learn about what exactly happened. Keeping in mind the old anecdote ignorance = bliss, I *wisely* put my fingers in my ears and lalala'ed my way through the debriefing of the pesky details of all that took place on that cold eye slitting table.) during the procedure so I wore a contact lens to serve as a bandage during the weekend which made my vision blurry and my eye wicked scratchy and red.
Confession: I became unabashedly a.d.d.i.c.t.e.d. to the lubricating drops. Never far from my mind (or my hand) I affectionately ♥ referred to them as crack. Seriously, mama was hooked.
Although, I'm in recovery now, I will never, ever forget the way they made me feel. Like a slice of liquid heaven soothing my poor, red, irritated, dry, perforated eyeballs. Ahhhh.
Never underestimate the power of addiction.
************************
After my post about church last week, I have been blessed with several opportunities for discussion about this topic with friends, plus I was lucky enough to hear back from some of you as you offered your thoughts on the subject. (I kindly, kindly thank you if you took the time to share.)

You know what's funny? There are some that said, "of course you can still enjoy fellowship and worship and Biblical education and engage in meaningful service toward others even if you do not consistently attend church services!" Then, there are some that said, "of course you can NOT enjoy fellowship and worship and Biblical education and engage in meaningful service toward others if you do not consistently attend church services!"

It's got me wondering why certain folks see religion and worship and relationship with God in more black and white, concrete ways, while others see it rather fluidly. Is it genetic predisposition or personality or past teaching or upbringing or indoctrination or experience that leads us to feel strongly the way we do about the manner in which our Christian faith can or can not be practiced?
Because from the same Bible, so many varying points of view spring forth.
But, I suppose that's another question for another day.....☺

In My Daughter's Eyes

2011-02-12T12:10:00.012-07:00

At 9 1/2 things are just beginning to change with my Jayla. We spend our days together, so it's subtle, like any shift that happens gradually, so closely to our eyes it can be difficult to discern....until it is all at once astonishingly clear. I detect it mostly in the little things...in the way she watches how I behave toward her dad, with my friends, with the other children, if I tell 'white' lies or am completely truthful. Or, in how she tries to absorb tension when she realizes I am beginning to become stressed. In how she will express disappointment when she sees that my priorities are off kilter. She is still playful and full of energy, but it's not quite the same as when she was younger. Perhaps it's more restrained, more calculated? I'm not exactly sure how, it's just different. When she was little, my presence alone could inspire wide eyed awe struck wonder and abounding affection. It was as if we were one. I was her mommy and she my baby. In her eyes, my image was sturdy, invincible, untoppable.

My sweet girl is letting on, that's no longer the case.

Now, she expects more from me. She is learning how to negotiate matters that are more complex in nature - with peers, with her siblings, with boys. Oh dear. With boys. She's got issues to face at this stage of her life that are much more challenging, and with greater consequence than how to arrange her baby doll collection on her bed or what pajamas to wear when she gets out of the bath. She's discovering what kind of person she is, who she wants to be. She's got stuff to figure out and she hopes to see, live and in action, a woman conducting the affairs of her life in a manner she can emulate. I can feel it, she longs for me to be a mentor to her. Full of human frailty and fault, it pains me to think of the times that I'm not. She desperately wants to trust me to guide her. And yet, she is smart enough to determine if I'm worthy of that role in her life. If I'm not, I am certain, she will inevitably look elsewhere.

I understand, I too want to be inspired.

As we enter this new phase, I pray for wisdom to handle her tender heart with care, that I may know when to admonish and when to comfort, when to support her choices and when to encourage different ones, when to spare her and when to let life's lessons painfully teach, when to step in and when to step back. I ask for strength to really grow up and be the kind of woman she would like to become one day . One who is full of grace and mercy and kindness and humility, yet strong and courageous and committed enough to do what is right, even when it's very hard and the stakes are very high. Someone she is proud and pleased to call her mother.

This parenting business is no small task. God be gracious to us moms and dads and to our dear daughters and sons....we need You.

Guess who Bobby and I are having dinner with tonight? ☺

You're gonna want to know about this....

2011-02-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

Seriously. I had NO idea it was even an issue! Not until recently anyway. What's great is, we can do something about it. Because, wow, we really should. It's pretty heartbreaking.
Personally, I think if people were only aware, they would jump on board to help.

My dear friend Chrissy, one of my very favorite people on this planet for reasons too numerous to count, (no joke! I couldn't even begin to count them all. I'd be l.o.s.t. without her friendship!) has written a little something about it here. Have a peek, it won't take long. You'll be glad you did.

(((Happy Friday!)))

Goodbye Blindness

2011-02-10T11:39:00.001-07:00

Hellooooooo Lasik!

Tomorrow morning, I will kiss my -7.{something} prescription goodbye and welcome restored vision. It's been 26 years. In fact, I used to have the heater kind of contact case that you plug into the outlet to clean. Does anyone even remember those? I'm so excited! (And obviously, so old!) Which may be why I am the tiniest bit sad to leave my glasses behind. What else could simultaneously 1) make me look smart and 2) hide my wrinkles? Nothing! I'm pretty sure, nothing else could master that tremendous feat.

Last night, in a sleep induced stupor, I jumped out of bed to ~~shush~~ comfort a crying child who seemed determined to wake up her blissfully slumbering siblings. I got to the girls' bedroom and decided the bellowing one may need some cough syrup. That's when I walked to the kitchen, ready to pull the medicine out of the cabinet, and quickly realized my ever-essential spectacles were sitting smugly on the nightstand, unaware I was awake and in need of their services to properly dole out medication. Kind of a pain. So, I may look dumb and wrinkly, but I will be able to see in the middle of the night and will therefore not risk overdosing my precious, noisy, wee ones. I'm calling that well worth it. ☺

Meadow's birthday is next week.
To get some perspective, Jayla is 9, Onyx is nearly 8, and Tyden was 6 in September.
According to her records she is supposed to be 5 turning 6.
Now, that's funny.

Why not....

2011-02-08T17:40:00.000-07:00

Have an after dinner dance?

Church

2011-02-07T21:52:00.008-07:00

We have some friends who moved here a few years ago from another state. While they lived in their previous city, they were extremely involved in their church - serving in children's ministry, volunteering, etc. Needing to arrive and depart at different times, they drove 2 vehicles each Sunday morning with dad going first, early, then mom coming along later with the kids. As many of us can understand, their Sundays were busy. Very busy. Several of their weekdays were full as well with various events and programs available to their congregation. Weary of the hustle and bustle, when they moved here, they decided to spend Sundays together as a family worshipping at home instead.

At first, this really bothered me. I could list a myriad of reasons their approach was not a good one.

And yet, this family happens to be some of the most gracious, hospitable, committed, God loving people I know. They are pretty much the only people (aside from my mother) to offer true, hands on support (in the form of babysitting our brood for appointments or for breaks for Bobby and myself, prepared meals, an open invitation to drop the kids by anytime) after we returned home with Meadow and Flint - when life was in a whirlwind state for us and we were struggling to find our bearings amidst all the changes that the adoption of children tends to bring. They regularly host guests in their home and look for opportunities to serve others. They are, what you might call, plugged in....not to a church though. Simply to other human beings.

I've been thinking a lot about them lately, and the refreshing example they have become to our family as we have witnessed their word and deed testimony played out in vibrant living color like I've rarely seen before.

During the past year, things began to shift considerably in my mind, my heart, my spiritual life. I became much less sure of what I would have once asserted I was certain of. I started to ponder my ways more carefully, thinking through my motivations for doing what I do, my reasons for believing what I believe. I began contemplating what role church should play in our lives, what role we, as individuals and families should play in the church, and if Church As We Know It in the USA in the year 2011 is in fact at all what God intends for His people. What exactly is the basis upon which we have established the institution of the contemporary evangelical church in our current day?

I started asking myself if our family should seek to be fed or to feed, or both? How do we properly go about bringing a heart felt offering of praise and worship to our Lord? How important is teaching, music, children's programs, discipleship, involvement, the building itself and financial stewardship in the church? How much time shall we spend mingling amongst ourselves and how much reaching out to others? To whom should we reach out toward? Our neighbors near, far away, those who are most desperate? Does it matter? Are attendance and duty important tenets of the Christian faith? What does reverence for God look like and is it present in my life, in my heart, in my church? Is home church a good idea? Can people actually thrive spiritually if they do not attend formal services? Is my reason for questioning that a sound one or is it baseless?

As of right now, I have more questions than answers. So, I am earnestly seeking God. At this time our family is devoted to a) our own personal reading through the Bible b) podcast teachings by pastors we enjoy and respect c) memorization with our children of chapters of Scripture d) prayer and e) songs of praise played regularly in our home. It's all the rest, I'm not so sure about. ☺

Now, you friends have been rather quiet lately, but I've got a favor to ask you. I always learn so much from you as you offer your unique perspectives, because you help me see a bigger picture than I can from my own little vantage point. I would love it if you would be willing to share any thoughts you may have on this subject. I realize it may be a touchy one. Personally, I do not believe there are any right or wrong ways to look at it - each of us has different needs during different phases of our lives that are met in different ways. The very thing that causes one to rejoice, may send another to rebel, and vise versa.

Still, I am extremely interested to know, what role does the church play in your life and do you feel it is as it should be?
I do hope you'll chime in!

She had too much to drink

2011-02-07T10:13:00.007-07:00

Amidst the fun football festivities last night she may have gotten swept up in the excitement and consumed excessive amounts of beverage. Orange soda to be exact. I should let them drink ~~that eerily colored carbonated liquid garbage~~ soda on a regular basis. Then, perhaps they would not gorge themselves on it at every (scarce) opportunity, resulting in the irresistible urge to purge at the exact moment I sit down for the very first time during the superbowl to watch my most favorite part, the ONLY bit I was actually looking forward to (aside from the National Anthem, of course.): The Halftime Show. This year, it was The Black Eyed Peas for goodness gracious sakes. Don't they know? I hold extra special love and adoration for this group. (I mean really, who else could convince me first thing in the morning, immediately after I am awoken with an alarmed child's high pitched screechy voice alerting me to the reality that there is urine on the kitchen floor that today is going to be a good day!? NO ONE else could. One click of the playlist plus a crank of the volume dial, and I am dancing around my house, spray bottle in hand, full of delusional certainty that today will be a good day despite its unpleasant start. This woman needs TBEP.) Obviously oblivious to that fact, dear Meadow chose the precise instant Fergie and her male entourage came onto the field with those cool glowey dancer people, to relieve herself (all.over.the.floor.) of the clearly uncontainable volume of soda, homemade hot wings, french fries, carrots, celery, ranch dressing, and Green Bay cookies she had merrily devoured as I was slaving away in the kitchen in an effort to ensure that my family had a memorable party. Yes, indeed. It was not one I will soon forget. ☺

*Thankfully, she felt much better after letting loose and was quite well enough to run around the house for the remainder of the game, high on the thrill of her first superbowl experience as a junk food inhaling American citizen. As it should be. ♥

Warming up for the Superbowl

2011-02-06T14:09:00.002-07:00

....with some bowling, of course.
The Man and I were trying to remember, but we think it was over a decade ago that we last hit the bowling lanes. Good, good times let me tell you, both then and now. I especially thought so since I was the proud owner of The Highest Score. 123 magnificent points, mind you. WITH the bumpers up. I know! Uh-mazing! It's all in the wrist.

On this cold, windy, snowy morning, we opted to worship together at home.
(As we often do.)
After a few songs and a family-friendly review of the Tower of Babel record,
we found ourselves in a riveting reading of 1 Samuel about Tamar,
her brothers, and David's responses.
(Seriously, whoever said the Bible is boring? Oh no it isn't!
What about those racy, racy, racy parts that will make you
gasp, blush, and cover your mouth in shock and horror?
So NOT dull.....)
Anyway, as one thing leads to another, this brought Bobby and I to an hour long *discussion*
regarding the likelihood of the accounts in Genesis
(especially chapter 3) being literal vs figurative.
(By this time the children were lost, and long gone running around the house.)
He and I do not tend to agree on the matter.
More good, good times. ☺

Setting our minor (because we both admit that we really don't know)
dispute aside, we're moving onto something we do agree about:
A (fried!) feast and some football.....

I'm cheering for The Black Eyed Peas.

Taking My Goal Very Seriously

2011-02-03T09:28:00.003-07:00

I actually have been spending a lot less time on the computer recently. Hence, much fewer blog posts. Here is how I've managed to accomplish the task: I don't get on the computer as often. (!) ☺

Last week, when it was nice and warm outside, a nasty cold visited me which prompted one sweet child to leave this note: That one can spell! Wel l.

With A.I. in full swing, (severely infringing upon our free evenings for LHOTP viewing, but that's ok. Pa, Ma, Mary, Laura, Carrie, Albert and Grace have been around a while. It's pretty likely they will patiently wait for our return.) we held a round of auditions of our own. 7 contestants from all over the house came out to the living room with voices warmed and fingers crossed in an attempt to impress the judges with soulful renditions of songs like, The ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Hallelujah, The Wheels on the Bus, and Prayer for a Friend.

There were only a handful of pitchy notes, and it was clear that a few of the Idol hopefuls were nervous meeting their idols who sat in the judges seats: Bobby Dyler, T Jo, and The Lucky Clover, prompting knocking knees and several spontaneous tears of awe struck wonder and joy.

The judges kindly tried to put the contestants at ease (because every one of them was a rising star at one time too) by assuring them with sincere statements such as: "there is something really special in your voice, I can't put my finger on it, but it's special" and "I have goose pimples" (NOT because it happens to be -20 degrees either!), right before shouting "good lookin out!" as the golden ticket holders went running and screaming into the hallway jumping wildly into the arms of beloved family members there to lend moral support, knocking them straight to the ground.

Peyton Colorado is thrilled to announce that 100% of those who showed up to audition made it to Hollywood! This is one talented group of kids. Artists in their own right, every last one of them.

From my kitchen window

2011-02-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

Best Friends

2011-01-28T16:07:00.000-07:00