I just read this on Courtney's blog:
i love finding "secret" corners of my house to take Sawyer and hold him and kiss his ohsosoft cheeks and get him to smile and laugh and see the love and recognition in his eyes that he only has for me and feeling his fingers holding onto mine so tightly and smelling his neck that smells of a days worth of drool and sweat and just HIM and feeling his warm little body fit into mine perfectly.
She's just a sweet friend enjoying her sweet boy. Courtney is being a great mom and expressing her baby love. How wonderful. I could totally relate. I have so much to be thankful for, I realize that. I am grateful.
But when I read words like those, my heart literally hurts. It's killin me. Will I ever get past wanting that (again) or will all things baby bother me forever? I can hardly look at them anymore.
I need Babies Anonymous for those of us who are addicted. Or, a really big shoe. I told you I was getting old. I could be "that woman."
Surely I'm not the only one to feel this way, right? Please don't answer that.
Completely normal, well-adjusted, mentally-sane moms deal with these emotions all the time, don't they? On second thought, better not answer.
Working in the nursery at church simply won't fill the void.
It's just not the same......
I want to cry like a baby.
Am I a lunatic? Wait, let's just go ahead and NOT answer that one either.
I think I already know.
I'm off to my place of residence now: De Nile.
2 comments:
Oh my friend, you have a bad case of baby fever. I had it for years after the birth of my last one. I just knew my family wasn't finished.
I still feel that way but am waiting for God's timing & yes, God took away my baby fever & i accepted the fact that my baby making days were over.
i'm sorry! (or maybe God is using this as part of your "process" and it's good)
anyways, i have NEVER loved babies until Sawyer. and i'm not sure if it's because i know he's my last...or what. but i do understand what you're saying *a little bit*...
i think God's just working on you - i can tell He's doing that when i'm not content inside (not in a materialistic way). be patient, friend.
He has GREAT things for your family!!!
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