Just be.

They say life is a marathon and not a sprint. Truthfully, neither one sounds like much fun, all that running. But, I do get the point. Pace yourself, it could be a long ride. Ever heard that country song "I'm in a hurry to get things done, I rush and rush until life's no fun. All I need to do is live and die, but I'm in a hurry and don't know why"? I can completely relate. 7 years, 5 pregnancies, 4 new babies thus far, I appear to be in a rush! This is it for us, our last baby. Our bonus baby. Another little girl. Blessings. My tendency though is to hurry through it, this part especially. If there were ever a time in life when a woman wants to fast forward, it would be the end of a pregnancy. It's not the most comfortable way to reside.

I find myself at the end of each day, frustrated. My productivity goes way, way down. I hardly recognize myself. Usually, the thought of running is rather pleasant, but now it just sounds excruciating. Motivation is hard to come by, even for the simplest courtesies I should extend toward my family, like say....showering. I feel a certain oneness with the couch. We have an understanding. A magnetic attraction. I want to be on it, lounging, and it gives me rest, fuliflling its purpose. Not at all my "normal" state of being. I get annoyed with my laziness. However, I know that one day, I will look back to these days, when I was young(er), having babies. Soon, all my little babies will be big babies and this moment in time will be a fading memory.
A season of life I will miss.

As I make these memories, the very days that make up my life, why is my tendency to speed through it? Why is it so hard for me to allow myself to be less than Superwoman? Who am I kidding anyway? What I fret over the most, are usually the things that matter the least.

Our lives are made up of mini-journeys. We spend most of our time in process. Preparing for what is next. The next baby, the next holiday, the next vacation, the next job, the next home-improvement project, the next meal.... The problem is, as soon as we "arrive" at one destination, we begin a new "journey." It can leave us in a constant state of waiting. Waiting to breathe deeply. Waiting to laugh heartily. Waiting to taste completely. Waiting to sleep peacefully. Waiting to experience fully.

My mission for the next 6 weeks as we anticipate the arrival of Clover, is to just be. Lower my standards. Stop rushing, even during this holiday season. Let the dust settle on the furniture. Eat cereal for supper some nights. Play more Go Fish with Onyx. Sit in Jayla's room for tea parties. Read to Tyden. Hold Stryder. Now. Not in "just one more minute when I finish this or that." Now. Without thinking of what I really "should" be doing. Time will go on. The sun will still rise, even if my to-do list is a mile long. We will still bring a baby home, even if the house is not immaculate. Thanksgiving and Christmas will still come and go, even if there is dust in the corners. My family will still love me, even if my work is not done. Ironically, maybe more because if I fulfill my mission, they will have a more relaxed wife and mommy. One that takes the time to Just Be.

Psalm 39:5
Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths, And my age is as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. Selah