Thank you girl.

How many nights have I lie in bed before falling asleep, feeling the warm tears trickle down my face, hearing them hit the pillow as I remember the moments throughout the day that I didn't serve you well? When my words were too harsh, my actions too abrupt, my tone too critical, when I communicated annoyance rather than assistance, when my primary aim was a quick resolution rather than tending to your heart, when I was too busy, too distracted, too self absorbed to really listen to your words, look into your face, make you feel heard, important, treasured, understood.

The times I feel that I have failed you in some way are about as abundant as the days I have spent mothering. I just love you so much. You are so very precious. I never want to hinder you, hurt you, devalue you, or crush your spirit in any way.

Thank you for your kind words and for your continued generosity toward me. You, my sweet girl are deeply refreshing to my soul.
You inspire and encourage me and teach and admonish me with your pure heart and your love and goodness and grace.

God was good to me. He gave me you.

1,2,3,4 & 5

1) We must admit, we have found a new hard core fanaticism (which replaced our former mild fondness) for the Denver Broncos. It was Tebow. Call us converts. We believe.

2) My baby boy is the best dog I could ask for. I am amazed at how easy he has been to train! He is my very own personal canine therapy. Seriously. His presence has been helpful and healing to me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. In the absence of what I have so longingly hoped for, (a real-life human baby) he is some kind of wonderful.  He gives me an uncomplicated little one to nurture where the love flows easily and freely. Dogs must, surely be one of God's uniquely special gifts to humankind. :-)
Thank you Arrow.

3) Speaking of dogs, the kids' little dog (a stray we took in last August) was hit by a car on New Years Eve. It was devastating to them, especially Jayla and Onyx. We all miss him.

4) I'm relatively certain we could have built our own personal library with the fines we have paid to our public library for late/damaged/lost books and DVDs.

5) Recently, I read a quote that spoke about the idea of Americans being some of the only people who expect love to not be paired with pain. Could anything be more true? The vulnerability that accompanies love, and the ability for those we love most to bring us pain, seem to me to be absolutely, unequivocally impossible to escape.

I think of this often with my journey as a mom. The continual taste of the bitter with the sweet - comingling - intertwined and mixed and muddled and jumbled together with no clear lines of separation.

Such a terrible, terrible time I have with my children growing up. Just awful. Grief and sorrow flow hand in hand with the happiness and pleasure and joy I experience.

I have no doubt it keeps me from savoring the present as fully as I should. Why doesn't anyone tell you this when you have your first baby?

WARNING: that innocent little bundle of joy you're holding will have the capacity to rip your heart right out of your chest (but leave it beating!). You will never, ever be the same woman you once were. Not ever again! Bid fond farewell to your former friend, Carefree. She has left you for good! No matter what you choose to do with your life from this day forward - for better and for worse - you will have a continual, blessed tether to that child of yours who will, joyously and painfully before your very eyes, grow up and (with our without your consent) leave you, quite possibly a very long time before you're ready for them to go....
WELCOME TO MOTHERHOOD!!


Perhaps this ought to come along with the lasagnas and pretty pastel bags filled with teeny tiny clothes your friends bring you, yes? You know, as an FYI?

A focus toward gratefulness for what I have (7 beautiful kids, a husband who is more than I ever knew a man could be, a sweet puppy dog) and acceptance of what I do not (a baby, Peter Pan-esque children who refuse to grow up): My personal goals for 2012.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl

Merry Christmas

Snow

*

Dad playing the super fun game:
 Guess Who Made Which Gingerbread House?

He was full of confidence he got them all right...until he found out he was 1 for 8.
(Mine was the only one he had correct.)

 

A yearly tradition,
Fargos pizza before driving around looking at lights.

*In the spirit of full disclosure I should include:
The event was tragically cut short due to excessively rowdy passengers who have absolutely zero  respect for  
their mother's earnest effort to produce storybook quality holiday family fun memory making steeped in tradition.....
complete with Christmas carols.

Sugar cookies with my sugars.

Gift wrapping of the $ store loot they bought for each family member with their allowance.
I wish I could bottle up and save forever the happy I felt watching them select
{special} gifts for each of their siblings,
their parents, (and the dogs.)
**I'm fairly certain some brand new scissors are in my near future.
♥

Tyden's finished handful of product.

 

And so, after testing (to see if the {procedure} to reverse the {procedure} worked)

we discovered it's extremely unlikely that Bobby and I

will be able to have any more biological children.

Following a prolonged period of puffy eyed wailing, mourning and grief stricken sobbing,

(cemented with excessive comfort in a wrapper consumption a.k.a. chocolate)

 I picked myself up off the floor.....

and bought a puppy.

Me and my sweet-as-can-be hairy baby boy, Arrow.