Matters of the heart.

Such a wide array of decisions that need to be made every single day as a parent....How do we handle sibling rivalry? Do we let the boys sword fight? When to intervene in squabbles and when to step back? How shall we celebrate birthdays and how many Christmas gifts shall we give? Is Santa real in our house? How to advise on the social issues that take place at school? When to hold the line and when to show grace? What consequences are appropriate for the behavior and what to do when the consequence that worked so well yesterday is ineffective today? The list goes on.....

In making these decisions, we have to establish our goal. What are we aiming for? What will make us feel satisfied, like we've done our job well?

It is all too easy for us (Bob and I) to become parents that are "performance" based. Looking for academic, sports, social, and behavorial performance from our children. Being pleased with them when they are hitting the marks we deem acceptable for their outward conduct. It makes us look good if they are performing well. Everyone likes to look good. And, it can be embarrassing when our children are not living up to the standards that make for good appearances.

JOTS, I want you to know your dad and mom are going to do our utmost to not be pleased with you based simply on your performance. Sure, it is nice to see you thriving in certain areas, to have activities in which you excel. Yes, yes, that is good. Good for you, good for us. Good good good. However, we will be relentlessly watching for your heart. Watching. Like a hawk.

Are you popular at school? If so, that's wonderful. Enjoying the favor of others is a true blessing. Now, how are you treating the unpopular and the rejected?

Excelling in acedemics? Excellent. Now, in what ways are you using that big brain of yours for the good of others, that will ultimately please God?

Good at sports? Fantastic. Many, valuable lessons to be learned from involvement in sporting disciplines. Now, how do you respond when you lose a game, or when those that are less skilled get time to play?

Teacher singing you praises about what a model student you are? Tremendous. Now, how do you treat your siblings and parents at home?

Excited about your Christmas gifts? Of course, enjoy. Now, is your response grateful or is it greedy?

Want to get your nose pierced? Fine. You won't get a rise out of us that way. Now, what is your reasoning for that decision? Is it rebellion or do you just want to be cool like your mom?......Because, your mom is way cool, in fact I'll go with you and we can get a tatoo together also....(Are the grandparents freaking out at this one? Sorry to disturb you. Only joking....sort of.)

Who are you trying to please? Build your character, the you that is waaaaay down deep, where no one else can really see. Keep your heart turned toward God and aim to please Him, then your "performance" in this life will be a glorious testimony that you can be truly proud of, no matter what everyone else thinks.