Living in the moment.

Oh how I try.
I really want to.
I think about it all the time. Usually, in the evening, after I've put the kids to bed and realized that all day long, I did not succeed at slowing down enough to capture the moments.
I keep hearing people say they wish they had enjoyed the time more while their children were little.
So I try to learn from their lives.
But, wow. Is it hard to do.
I tell myself: "Tisha, you are very busy you know. You do have 5 young children and a home and a husband to care for. There is work to be done."
Then I tell myself to stop making excuses for always thinking of what I need to do next while I am doing whatever I am doing RIGHT NOW, in the moment. You know, THIS moment.
I feel as if rushing is necessary.
The baby will need fed soon.
The laundry will need folding.
The meal will need preparing.
Hurry up kids, I say. Let's get moving. Moving on to whatever is....next.
I think this is how I have popped out kids like Pez for the past 6 years. Next. Next. Next.

While visiting big grandma last week, I pulled Clover out of her carrier shortly after arriving.
Big grandma: "Oh my, she's getting so....."
Silence. Big grandma knows me. So she stopped.
Me: "It's ok, I know, she's getting so big."
Me: Breaking into hysterical crying. (Not really, but I feel like it when I look at this big, big baby of mine.)

All these days she has been with us. Have I lived in them? I have tried. I have tried hard. But, I can't say I've done a stellar job. Why am I afraid to slow down?

The business of the day robs me.
My racing mind robs me.

I must learn to breathe as I watch them.
I have to breathe deeply and relax.
Take actual minutes to focus on slowness. Peacefully existing. As peacefully as possible with the children, that is.
Every day, as I sit with them, as I look into their small faces, as I hug them tight, I must breathe. Breathe the moment in, and learn to truly live in it.
Live in the good life.
If I can stop dusting, I can surely do this.