Clover is trying to roll over.

This weekend I heard kids excitedly shrieking, "look mom, Clover is rolling over." They are happy as they watch their baby sister attempting a new skill, her first real maneuver, exiting the phase of "I lay anywhere you put me" and taking the first step toward the phase of "I am an independent being that can move my own self around."
My heart sinks.
Involuntarily, tears well up in my eyes.
The children stand around her, watching as she turns her head to the side and starts rocking her arm over her body to eventually roll.
I rush in and scoop her up. The show is over kids. I'm not ready for this yet.
The kids disperse. They don't have to ask, they know.
Their mother doesn't want them to grow up.
I see this chapter of our lives coming to a conclusion, the pages turning one by one, day by day, and it makes my heart literally ache. It hurts. I can hardly believe, Clover our last baby, the one that was just born yesterday (so it seems) is ready to roll over. Give it a short year and she will be toddling around the house, no longer a baby at all. How could there possibly be no more babies in our future? I'm not ready. Hello? Doesn't anyone hear me? I'M NOT READY TO MOVE ON YET! Hands of time, HALT. I saaaaiiiid, HALT. I can't bear your incessant ticking.
I remember last summer, as Jayla was preparing to start school, I had a sick feeling in my stomach every time I thought about it. It is the same way I feel now. I wonder, will Clover's entire life be this way for me? Bittersweet? Blissful as I look at her, always my baby girl, yet tormented by her every progression toward maturity?
I have known no greater joy than life with my babies. This season of time, this too-short spell of building our family, welcoming our little ones into this world has been wonderful beyond what I ever imagined. I had no idea this kind of love was inside me.

My babies, oh my sweet, sweet babies. You make me happier than I ever knew possible. My heart swells with love for you. Sometimes, I feel like it could burst. You are beautiful children and I feel like the luckiest woman on earth.
Thank you Father God for the gift of these extraordinary days with these precious kids in my life, always my babies in my eyes. No matter what the future holds, I am eternally grateful to have had this time with them....to see just the tiniest glimpse of your magnificent love for us.