Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Does anyone know a mom of 5, who is interested in adopting more children, lives in boonesville and homeschools?
If so, can you connect the two of us? Just so I wouldn't feel like such an alien?
Help me help me. I'm a total freak.

Maybe we should have stopped having children, oh, say 3 or so kids ago. Then, we might have been able to stay on the good side of people, even have favor with most strangers and family members, bystanders and fellow grocery store patrons. We would have a nice little nuclear family. An unoffensive family, or less offensive anyway. We could still receive invitations to other people's homes for dinner and we could pawn of the kids on the babysitters for little mom & dad weekend getaways and we could go out to restaurants to eat and J could do gymnastics and O could play soccer and baseball and hockey and we would be completely normal.
Of course, then we just wouldn't be us. And, there would be no Tyden, Stryder or Clover True.

Now, whoah momma. It seems just about everyone has a problem with one thing or another about us and our decisions. I've become totally defensive, and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP! I need Large Families Anonymous. Except, in a large family it is difficult to be anonymous because everywhere you go people notice. In my mind, the real kicker is I don't even think our family is that big....not yet anyway....

Hi, my name is Tisha and I am an alien mom. I've only got 5 kids, that's not so bad, but we're educating them in our dining room and we'd like to tack on a couple of tots from Ethiopia. Please don't give me a dirty look or a snide, 'concerned' remark.

If one more person disapproves of us I might burst into pieces.
Maybe I'm overreacting here.
It's true, not everyone disapproves. But, it is difficult to find real, honest to goodness support. They say with adoption that is so important, support for the parents. I understand, these are our choices, not the choices of our family members or friends. They are choices we are happy with. Choices we would make again and again if given the opportunity. Every single time, we would choose this.

Yet, I wouldn't mind not feeling like I grew another head because of the way people sometimes gawk and furrow their brows as I share our lives and our future desires. I wouldn't mind being able to leave the kids in the hands of another person and truly relaxing without wondering if it's going to send them to the looney bin. I wouldn't mind if people wouldn't worry so much about our lives. I wouldn't mind a little faith that we have thought things through, and we will rise to the occasion, and that our children will be just fine. I think we're doing alright...I always tell the kids when they want Supernanny to come to our house that they are not naughty enough to need her : )

Bob doesn't care a bit. He just goes on his merry way and does his thing, who cares what people think? His approach is a good one, and slightly easier for the male gender than the female I believe. How can I just go about my business without the HUGE chip I've grown on my shoulder? How can I not allow the criticism of people, even people close to us to not bother me?
How do those who choose a life that is slightly less common handle the pressure of the judgement that comes their way?

I must say, some people are truly kind. There are some remarkable people in our corner. Certain folks go out of their way to offer encouraging words and compliments. Those words mean so much. Sometimes complete strangers or mere acquaintances say the most uplifting, edifying statements. I guess those are the words and people I should cling to, rather than the disapproving group that share comments, leaving such a sting.

I know I've been talking about this a lot lately. It is where I am right now. I will grow accustomed to alienhood, I'm sure. I just need a little time to grow some thicker skin.

7 comments:

Alicia said...

Like the layout.

Keana said...

At the risk of sounding sappy... I will say that Josh and I admire you. I don't feel that God has called us to have more than our 2, but we will eventually adopt. That being said, I love the fact that you are doing what God has asked and not "bending" to the pressure. I will also say that it doesn't take 5 children and the desire to adopt to cause people to give unwanted advice and concern. I'm sure you get more than your share, but being in the ministry makes people feel that we want to know their opinion - and usually we don't! :) Hang in there. There are those of us out here that think you are awesome and doing a great job!!!

Courtney said...

love the new layout!

and i love your family. and i would take ALL your kids for a weekend in a heartbeat if i could. you are following Him and His calling for your life. that's all that matters. and, in the meantime, you are being an encouragement to others that are watching you!

keep on keeping on!

Courtney said...

love the new layout!

and i love your family. and i would take ALL your kids for a weekend in a heartbeat if i could. you are following Him and His calling for your life. that's all that matters. and, in the meantime, you are being an encouragement to others that are watching you!

keep on keeping on!

Holly said...

walking right there next to you - it's the 'THAT' famliy club.

Lately I have felt like just laughing out loud when I get comments or looks because all I can think is "do you have any clue what YOU are missing?" - they think we are missing life or our kids are missing attention or love or I don't know what - but really, we know better, right?!

Lisa said...

I don't think you need to get thicker skin ... but rather keep your eyes fixed on the Mighty One who has penetrated your heart. He is your reason for living and being. He has given you a taste of His heart. He is going to use you and your family in a powerful way. The more you focus your attention on Him, the more those voices will fade. He is proud of you. You are His precious child, His delight.

Katy said...

You're right, it is hard for us womenfolk to just move on and ignore like the guys can. We tend to ruminate about things. Just don't be confused into thinking that you don't know how to make the right choices for yourself and family. As I've said before, keep swimming upstream. You can do it.

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