It's Stryder Right.

When Jayla was 2 she would bang her head on things when she got upset. Repeatedly. Black and blue marks would cover her forehead. One afternoon, I frantically called Bob home from work when I thought she broke her nose after a session of headbanging on the stairs. She would also scream at night. A lot. A whole lot. In fact, it was only when she was 6 years old that she stopped that, for the most part. She still "relapses" from time to time. She has had bedwetting issues as well, which she is just beginning to overcome.

When she was little, we took her to a developmental specialist who told us "she is just on the extreme side of 'normal'" That was a comfort. What it was not was an instruction manual to handle a child with her rather extreme tendencies.

I was a pretty new mom then, so it was okay to be confused about the best way to handle these issues. How should I know what I am doing? It was my first time out of the gate. I could read and research, try new techniques, but I could not be expected to have any experiential wisdom. I had no experience.

Then Onyx came along. He has always made me feel like a great mom. Easy going and good natured, he was on the normal side of normal, nothing extreme about him. Tyden was a bit more of a handful than Onyx, but nothing unusual either.

Now, there is Stryder. In all his toddler glory.

Here we go again, only this time it is all new. His tendencies are not like Jayla's were. They are different. They are uniquely his own. He is our fourth child, so I no longer feel like it's fine to be lost. I should know what to do. Only I don't. Neither does Bob. We have tried it all. We do have our consequences that are administered at home. Consequences he is so accustomed to he just marches off to execute his own punishment all on his own, and comes back when he's done. He knows the drill, he has to do the drill all the time. Yet, they seem to do nothing to stop the behavior from recurring, over and over and over again.

What we learned with Jayla was that much of it was simply outgrown. Our main responsibility was to keep her safe and not give into her wishes just to avoid misbehavior. We had to remain firm and maintain that our no was a no and our yes was a yes and not waver in indecision to avoid conflict. These days she is a very nurturing, thoughtful, artistic, creative, fun, and intense little girl.

Our Stryder is taking his parents to a whole different classroom which is schooling us in a whole new way.
Through Stryder, I see God's hand of loving guidance and instruction in the lives of Bob and myself. We are learning from life with him what we need to know right now.

We feel passionately that we are called to adopt from Ethiopia. Most likely, a sibling pair.

We have no idea what types of challenges our family will face as we welcome those children.
At best, they will have dealt with great loss and grief. There also could be a history of abuse or malnutrition thrown into their young lives. There may be developmental delays, behavioral issues..... No matter what, their years on this earth will have been hard, otherwise they would not need a new family. A white family. With 2 white parents and 5 white children in it. On an entirely different continent. With a foreign culture. In the United States of America.
No doubt in our minds, it will not be easy.

In a way, we will be first time parents again. Before we become newbies, we have a few things we need to learn and areas of our lives that need growth.

God is helping us with a bit of preparation through our time with Stryder.

He is teaching us to lovingly yield.

To firmly yet tenderly care for the specific needs of this boy when it would be so much easier to just get angry and wait it out, counting down the days until this stage is over.
To give of ourselves in a newly sacrificial way, with joy for the privilege of parenting this strong willed child rather than bitterness because peace and ease elude our home and family life these days.
That no matter how hard we try, we can not make him do what we want him to do, causing us to drop some of our old authoritarian ideas about parenting, which do not lend themselves to attachment in adoption.
To let this difficult time mature us as we look to our Father in heaven to guide.
And other things I simply can not describe.

I joke that he humbles us. The truth is this is the exact type of humbling we need to become the people God needs us to be to do the work God has for us to do. We have much to learn.

Yes, I am humbled.....in all the right ways. I could not be more grateful.