In addition to making a fire evacuation plan, putting up the extinguisher in an easy to locate but hopefully never utilize place, listing our home address, name and phone number near the telephone, placing all dangerously chemical cleaning products and medicines far far out of reach, I AM TRYING TO BECOME THE PARENT I WISH I WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL THIS TIME by being precisely perfect for exactly one week and one day. My thinking is, if I successfully pull this feat off, perhaps it will wipe from the children's minds a lifetime of mistakes and a steep learning curve for their folks. Likely, right?
Oh my goodness. It's exhausting. And, I have to admit, I'm failing miserably.
That social worker is coming here to evaluate us, and talk to our kiddos. (((can you say, dirty laundry?))) I think overall, we're basically fairly decent parents... much of the time...for the most part. Even so, for some reason, anticipating this upcoming peek into every single thing we've ever done as a married couple/dad & mom is slightly dreadful.
She sounded very nice on the phone. And bubbly. And young. I think I scared her with my over-the-top excitement in talking much too quickly and a little too loudly, with a far too high-pitched, screechy voice because I have been dreaming about this moment (or more specifically, the one that will likely follow in a few months) for such a long time and I did not expect her call so soon! Does she have kids? I hope so. Several of them? Even better. Would that be too much to ask?
Will she understand that the best intentions to be a Certain Kind of Excellent Parent who does all the right things has been replaced through the years in our home with a Certain Kind of Pretty Good Parent who does many of the wrong things and feels guilty that she doesn't get it all right all the time? You know, life happens. Raising little people is hard work. I'm not exactly the mom I thought I would be. I need more forgiveness than I would have expected. I fall short time and time again. I'm getting better, but much mercy is still required.
Let it be what it is. I just don't have the energy to keep trying to fake perfection, and I don't think anyone will be fooled ;-)
This picture was taken by our sweet guinea pig first born daughter, 10 years+1 day after our wedding. Here we are. A couple of old, flawed people with a slew of kids we're endeavoring to love, treat, guide, and teach well and a heart's desire to welcome more. We'll try not to mess them all up too badly......
4 comments:
You are WAY too hard on yourself. We are all flawed! It's part of God's plan, we are teachable, however, and moldable! That is also God's plan. Thankfully when we make mistakes, we have repentence--we are forgiven, and He forgets! How wonderful! You will be PERFECT parents for two new beautiful children! (as perfect as humans can be!) And I am so glad I get to share in this journey with you! You tell Ms Jayla, that she is doing great with her photography! That is a terrific photo of you and Bobby! What a nice anniversary gift for you two!
I do not envy you this week...well, except for the fact that you are IN the adoption process and that's just sweet!
But the 'perfect' part...uh uh. ;-)
All kidding aside...you all will do great!
Here is what I have decided in this craziness we call parenting... You do the best you can. We don't get instructions and every model is different. I have decided to do the best I can, try to learn from (all) my mistakes, and try to do better tomorrow. I have a very wise friend that told me shortly after Avery was born that she and I were put together for a perfect reason. God knew exactly what He was doing when he made me the mommy and her the daughter... even knowing all the mistakes I would make. So as scary as it is to have someone come and "critique" you, remember that you are doing the best you can... and I think you're doing a pretty good job. :)
You're going to do great! We are all FAR from perfect; and isn't that the way it ought to be? Otherwise, there'd be no reason to try a little harder next time. You are great parents; you will be great parents of more. You are more than a child could ask for- you are a family.
Good luck with that social worker thing; you can tell her that I was probably just joking about the gambling addiction I checked off ;) j/k And I'm pretty sure that if you both came across as PERFECT with PERFECT kids, she'd be WAY more weirded out than seeing you as NORMAL.
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