22 pages notarized yesterday and sent to Denver to receive state seals this morning. It's a bargain at $10 a pop ;-) One step closer on that front.
Wishing I was a better mom. The Right Kind of Mom who could say she never.......like some of the other moms I hear or read about. Are they for real? I think they are. I do believe some moms never......
I wonder, if she can never......why can't I never.....?
I, on the other hand, always.......
Leads me to ask myself who do I think I am to bring this African child here to have the kind of mom who wishes she never.....but instead always......
Bob says if she went somewhere else they would have their flaws too. Yeah, yeah. But still. Some moms never.....and that's really good. I just truthfully don't have what they have. What if she could have gotten a mom who never.....and she got me instead? I hate that thought. I hope Meadow isn't getting the short end of the stick. Thinking she could be makes me feel ill.
All baby paraphernalia sold at yard sale last weekend.
The high chair that has been a permanent fixture in our kitchen for 7 years, gone.
The Bjorn I wore babies in on all those outings and around the house, gone.
The saucer seat where they spent much time eating cheerios, watching Praise Baby and Baby Einstein until they learned to climb out of it crashing their adventurous selves to the floor with a bang, gone.
Bassinet that sat right beside the bed where squeaky infant sounds would awaken me, the one that held teeny tiny diapers in the pouch for night time changing, gone.
Pack and plays for grandmas and moments of entertainment/containment at home, gone.
Well used, banged up from hauling it around to various events and locations double stroller, gone.
Clothes and clothes and clothes, small clothes, full of memories of days gone by when soft little babies wore them, gone.
I suck at healthy adjustment and acceptance of change.
I can say this with complete honesty:
I never deal well with my babies growing up.
I always have a hard time with it.
That's all for now.
Family photo 2013
6 comments:
I honestly do not believe ANY mom that says they never wish they weren't a better mom. (I don't trust them...I mean, really?!) I just don't think there is anyone who is always perfect! Even being grounded in the gospel, we still have our "off" days. You will be the perfect match for Meadow. As, she may have her "off" days for awhile, and you will be one that is compassionate enough, patient enough, and loving enough to handle whatever needs she may have! You are WAY WAY WAY too hard on yourself! No more feelings of inadequacy girlfriend! The "stage" is set, and the "scenes" to come will be receiving a "standing ovation"!!! Love as always....and many prayers and blessings!
I'm so happy you have a child on the way, because my heart broke for you and I cried with you as I read the description of all the baby stuff you sold. It hurts so much to let go. Praise the Lord that your garage sale was fruitful, but I understand the place of sadness in your heart. Hugs.
EM
Any Mom who says "I never..." is really just trying to convince herself that she's a great mom despite the times when she always.... We all have our "alwayses" and rarely have our "neverses." We are all perfectly flawed mommies. And that's as it should be.
Oh, those give-aways. I still remember clothing that the kids wore and I wish I still had. So hard. But you are moving into a great, wonderful, exciting new phase. Someone else needs, needs, needs (and will love, love, love) your little baby things and you need space for another little person! It's just the cycle. Don't think of your things as gone, but as holding another little baby in them!
they are lying.
nobody NEVERs.
for real.
from what i can see through this blog of yours, you will be an amazing mother to meadow...just as you are to the rest of your babies. i can't wait to see it all unfold!
right on, cassie!
nobody NEVERs!!!
i love how real you are.
and your children are SO blessed to call you mom!!!
I am no good at it either, just reading your blog may me tear up at the days gone by...but I have to remember to focus on TODAY! Al those old memories were made of TODAYS!
You will be a great mom to Meadow and she will be blessed to be brought into such a wonderful family, full of love and the Word!
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