Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Monday, January 25, 2010

About the girl -

On the newest assessment for M. it said, "she may get easily upset when she does not get what she wants. But, she is easily soothed when she is given what she wants." Ha! Aren't we all? Typical, typical, typical ☺
When I was pregnant with Clover, I was scheduled for an induction. We were told to call the hospital at 6:30 am to make sure there was room in labor & delivery for us to arrive at 7.

We were at Bob's parent's house with JOTS because it was snowy at our little house on the prairie and we didn't think we would be able to make it to CS early in the morning.

I slept little that night. Excited, filled with anticipation. Uncertain about the unknown. We were up, showered, packed and ready.

They didn't have room.

The let down! That feeling. That empty, crushing feeling. Not nearly enough to be qualified as catastrophe, devastating. Not worthy of legitimate complaint. There are people with true suffering. Yet, enough to ache, hurt, leave me with a small hollow hole.
It was time for something to happen! Something big! But nothing happened. Nothing.

Being ready is about so much more than having your bags packed and arrangements made. It wasn't only about the bassinet and the doll-sized clothes and the teeny tiny diapers. Being prepared for labor was about being ready - emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. Ready for whatever the day would bring. Ready to welcome a new child into my arms, my heart, our home. Ready for the pain of getting there and doing what needs to be done. Ready for the lack of sleep that would follow. Ready, after months of waiting, enduring the highs and the lows of pregnancy. The adrenalin was flowing. I was Ready.

I am now 13 months pregnant with 2 (very large!) kids and with each delay it becomes harder. I am growing weary of bad news. Just a few more weeks....just a few more weeks.....just a few more explanations, just a few more weeks, only to find out it will be a few more.

Being matched with our little ones this long means we've seen them grow. They've changed so much. Their faces are thinner, they are taller, they are learning to write. Each assessment we receive is a blessing and a curse - a harsh reminder. We've missed it. Months and months.

I'm trying to live well, today. To redeem the time. To be grateful for what I have now, and for what is to come. God is near.

I'm aware the next stage will bring its own trials, hardships, and frustrations. Perhaps many. Maybe more than I can imagine.
And still, I am ready.

1 comment:

Courtney said...

oh, i get that. being READY. i'm not there yet with our 2 new kids. but i get it. i'm sorry. it's so real, friend. let yourself FEEL it...

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