Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Imagine....

You are a toddler.

You love your mother very much and she loves you.

She carries you on her back, comforts you when you cry, and cradles you in her arms.

You are happy.

Then, slowly or suddenly she becomes ill.

It is difficult for her to care for you the way she used to.

She is weak, feeble, different.

You do not understand why things had to change.

One day she does not get up from her bed at all.

Nor the next.

She looks at you with a strange sadness in her eyes.

You are little, but you are scared because you know things are just not the same.

She grows weaker by the day.

Eventually, she is taken from her bed, it is empty.

Forever.

You wonder where she has gone.

Why did she leave you?

Where did she go?

You have no words yet.

So you cry.

A lot.

You cling to your father.

You are scared.

Is he next?

He tries to console you.

He makes every effort care for you.

But there is barely enough to eat.

He is grieving too.

The future is bleak.

You are his baby.

He hopes for a better life for you.

He makes a heart wrenching decision.

To let you go.

He takes you by foot to the orphanage.

It is a long trip.

He knows they will find you a good home.

Opportunity he can not provide is waiting there.

He kisses you goodbye, tears softly wetting his rough cheeks.

Alone, head hanging, he walks home.

You wonder where he has gone.

Why did he leave you here?

Who are these people?

How long will you stay?

Where is your daddy?

Mommy?

You have no words yet.

So you cry.

A lot.

You cling to your nannies.

You are scared.

Are they next?

You don't know them, but they offer comfort.

Slowly, you grow accustomed to your new life.

There is routine and food and music and other children.

You begin to smile again.

You can sleep.

Yet, sometimes memories creep up on you, especially at night.

You remember your mommy, your daddy, your home, your siblings.

You have no words.

So you cry.

You are scared.

Will they be back?

The sun rises on a new morning and you move on.

This is your home now.

Until one day, when they come for you.

They are pale, you are dark.

They don't speak your language.

They look at you with expectation.

What are you supposed to do?

What do they want from you?

They take you away from your home.

You have no words yet.

So you cry.

A lot.

You cling to these new people.

You don't know them, yet they offer comfort.

You are scared.

Are they next?

You get on a plane.

You are on it for a really long time.

It is hard.

You are scared.

So you cry.

A lot.

They take you to yet another new place.

It smells funny.

It is cold.

No one there looks like you.

The food tastes yucky.

Everything is different.

Again.

Where are your nannies?

Mommy?

Daddy?

How long will you stay?

You try to relax, but you can't.

You wonder when this will end?

Who is coming next?

Is it me?

What did I do?

You have no words.

You don't understand all this.

You are scared.

So you cling, and you cry, and you act out.

You are longing for security.

You feel vulnerable.

You grieve.

How much loss can you take?

Your heart has been shattered, again and again.

You are only a child.

I know it won't always be easy.
I'm praying, praying, praying for the ability to put myself in their position and recall everything they've been through in their very short lives.
That I will have compassion. As much as it takes.
They will be coming "home" soon....although it may not feel like home at all.

5 comments:

Courtney said...

wow...

Sandy said...

Love it! You have a way with words Tisha and this post will be a great reminder to you when they come home and you are overwhelmed with all the changes they have brought to your lives. What a fantastic post... it's a keeper. :)

Monica said...

Tisha, with tears in my eyes I say wow.

HMK said...

Tisha, when you need the reminder the most, when you need the patience the most, when you need the grace the most... God WILL provide it... I promise you! He didn't lead us on this journey to forsake us. You'll see! It won't be easy, but slowly your family will be tightly knitted together.

Holly said...

yes, wow.

Blog Archive