I'm with them

*Guaranteed to ruffle feathers. Read at your own risk. Just remember, I warned you!*

Some people don't like UNICEF because of their stance to do everything possible to keep kids in their home countries, which can obviously be in direct opposition to those who are pro-inter country-adoption.

During the course of the long international adoption process I learned, saw, experienced, and felt more than I ever thought I would. It was completely different than what I expected. Much more complicated. I was naive in thinking that adoption was simply beautiful, advantageous, self -sacrificing. Yes, it can be all those things - to a degree - but there is definitely another side to it as well. The flip side, the underbelly, so to speak, is also very real.

I have to say, I lean far more toward UNICEF's philosophies than I previously did. I certainly will not be able to sport the label "International Adoption Advocate."

The orphanage we just picked up our children from is now under investigation for child harvesting allegations, and is currently closed, on hold, for adoptions until further notice. I can't even begin to describe how extremely troubling that is.

Part of the problem in obtaining our son's visa was because of paperwork needed to prove, without a doubt, that his father willingly relinquished him, understanding full well what "adoption" meant, that it is permanent, and that he wasn't just going to the US to attend school then later return to his homeland. Yes indeed. Why? Because that very thing happens. Underprivileged parents duped. Wealthy, Americans and Europeans placing all their trust and often their entire life's savings into adoption agency's hands, whose practices are completely unethical. Children placed on different continents with well intentioned people who look nothing like them, sound nothing like them, smell nothing like them, eat nothing like them, promising to "maintain their heritage" which is nearly impossible to actually do in any significant form in real life.

But these are the exceptions, not the rule. Sure. However whenever there is big money involved in anything - anything at all - corruption follows suit. And everyone knows, adoption is BIG money. It's inevitable that there will be abuses of power. The price paid, by the poor, can be huge and they have no recourse. Thousands and thousands of lives are affected, both adults and children. Some for the better, some not.

What about the kids that are already in orphanages, waiting? Truthfully, those are not the majority of the kids being placed in homes overseas. Most of the kids who are waiting are older, or have medical needs. They will remain in orphnages because that's not what most people are in the market for. The ones being referred to new parents, going to folks on waiting lists, were mostly recently brought to intake facilities, that's exactly why the parents were on waiting lists - waiting for children to be surrendered so they may adopt them. Praying for referrals. While they pray, parents make decisions to relinquish kids. One side rejoices, the other mourns. We thank God for our good fortune......

What if a portion of those tens of thousands of dollars was spent on helping people out in their own countries? Do we have any idea how far it would go? Yes, the situation is extremely complex and governments are involved and there is unemployment or difficulty with finding jobs that can sustain once the children we help become adults. But pulling them off their continents and bringing them to our predominately white families and communities to raise them here is complex too. Let's not try to pretend it's not.

I see the faces of the kids here playing in our home and my heart is torn. They are Ethiopian. Part of the rich fabric of a nation steeped in culture and tradition. From a place where we Americans can learn so much. They have people and pasts and stories and a heritage. They have lost all of that to be here, with us. No matter how hard we try, we won't be able retain their history in a truly meaningful way. Only pieces, scraps, and tidbits will remain.

Personally, I do believe in intercountry adoption. As a last, last, last resort. When there is absolutely no other way. Period. To boot- I believe infertile couples should have first chance at that small portion, that handful of children.

If we're being honest, are we all about helping orphans or wanting kids?

Someone told us in Ethiopia, "you know, you're taking our precious flowers with you when you go."
Yes, I do. I'm sorry about that.