People say the darndest things

Yes they do. When you happen to have any type of obviously blended family, or a family that does not fit inside the box of the typical nuclear 2 parent, 2 child family, you may hear a lot of interesting remarks from folks. They come from people you know and love, family members, friends, strangers, passersby you will never meet again. Sometimes it feels like nearly everyone has something to say.

From our experience, I must admit the comments we receive are overwhelmingly favorable. Not always, but most of the time people have good hearted, complimentary things to say. There are moments when I can tell by the expression on their faces that people are thinking less than flattering thoughts toward our brood, which is kind of funny, because we clearly bother them more than they bother us.

Then, there are the words that are shared, meant to be kind and uplifting, said without a hint of scorn, but can rub us the wrong way, leaving us uncertain, not knowing if we should offer "correction."
They [your adopted children] are so lucky.
That's one of the big ones.

I've been thinking this over lately, trying to determine what my response should be to this statement. As an adoptive mom who can see the hurt and tragedy and pain and grief and immense loss my children have endured in such a short time on this earth, I may want to shout back "NO! They are not lucky! How could you say such a thing? These little ones have lost their parents, their homeland, their culture, their heritage, their siblings....There was no one, not a single family member or friend able to care for them so they were placed for adoption to unknown rich foreigners to come in and pluck them out of everything they have ever known and bring them into a realm of absolute newness - full of strangers who don't look like them or sound like them or speak like them or eat the same foods or do the same things or live the same kind of life. They have left an existence of extreme scarcity and poverty to live in a world where excess is completely normal, acceptable, fortunate. It is enough to cause mind boggling confusion. Not to mention, vast, dark, bewildering, sadness. Who would say this is lucky? What if the exact same situation happened to an American child? Would we call them lucky? Why certainly not. No, we would not."

But I don't shout that. Because when I snap out of it, I can see. These people may have a point. If there is no one to care for these children, is it better to age out of an orphanage, just to stay in their country of birth? Is it good to have no family to call their own? No one who is committed to looking out for their best interest? No one to provide, guide, educate, instruct, nurture, give their all to ensure the childrens' needs are met? Shouldn't all children have at least that? A family? As flawed as we are, we offer what we have. Love. Imperfect, fallible, human, motherly, fatherly love. This side of heaven, does it get any better? Is there anything more true and pure we can give?

In our fallen world we will all face toil. There are usually no perfect, 100% right and acceptable answers for the complex scenarios we encounter. The need for adoption is one of the clearest examples of this harsh reality. A measure of hardship is part of the package deal. Some seem to get far more than others. For some kids, the amount is difficult to fathom. They lose so much. They are vulnerable. They need intervention. Assistance. Someone to step up and care. Someone willing to say, I will.

Perhaps getting a new set of parents when you really need them is pretty lucky after all.