A mom who is parenting children with special needs begins to develop special needs of her own.
And isn't that true?
I have never been a person who required a great deal of time alone, time away, me time, down time, or date time. A little of it was nice, sure. But I did not intensely crave it or feel as if I was dependent upon it to be able to keep going.
That has changed.
In the midst of more intense parenting than I've ever done before, I'm finding it crucial for me to set aside moments, hours, even days to get out - to refuel and reflect and replenish my reserves. In a house full of younger children, these opportunities don't always just happen, Bobby and I have to take the steps together to ensure that we each have the chance to step out and acquire some necessary reprieve - both as a couple and alone. That's the part where I would usually get tripped up - making it happen. It's always such an inconvenience to someone to have me gone. If I'm here, doing my thing, no one has to be bothered. Except for when I finally could not deny, I eventually become bothered. So much so that my ability to parent well takes a serious dive.
It is important not only to refill my personal tank, but also because parenting these days is taking a huge amount of thought. Looking back at how things are going, why they may be happening, what seems to improve things, what lends to a downward spiral, is critical. A new, heightened level of discernment processing, and prayer is essential for helping me (slowly) realize what I can do to facilitate appropriate paths toward healing and to further our bonding and attachment.
When I don't think my approach toward my children (especially Meadow and Flint) through and just go with the flow, getting by day after day, week by week, I wind up feeling ineffective, overwhelmed, and drained. The ability to regroup and refocus my attention helps restore peace and a sense of progress.
It's a new and different phase of life - not only have we added 2 adopted children to the crew, but our family includes 7 homeschooled kids ages 2, 4, 4, 6, 6, 7 and 9. Looking at that, I'm surprised I didn't see it sooner. Breaks for mom are no longer an option. They are now an integral part of Deutchland Code.
And everyone is better off because of it.
*Tonight, I am going to Sally Clarkson's house with a friend to listen to her speak!*
6 comments:
I'm so glad you are getting some time to yourself!
The pictures are all beautiful... loved looking at them! :)
So happy that you are taking the time needed for yourself! I never thought I would want to be away from my children either. BUT, through having two children with special needs, I have learned that if I don't take time for myself, I am no help to anyone.....especially me. Just yesterday I was on the verge of tears because my girls had not slept the last 3 nights. I was living on VERY LITTLE sleep. I was so exhausted, I skipped my workout and went back to bed for 3 hours! Not a typical thing for me, but it was needed. I woke up a much happier version of myself! Keep remembering that just because you need time to yourself, does not mean that you love them any less! It just makes you a better, refreshed mama!
LOVE the family photo. I copied it - to add to my refrigerator. Love your family. Love ya, Tisha.
are you really...i went by myself last year and only went once because I didn't know anyone...if you keep going will you let me join?
Anastasia, absolutely! I thought about you, but it was my friend that invited me, and I didn't know if it was available to invite others...
now I know! It is! The first Tues of next month. Okay? Let's go. She such an encourager. We need to be encouraged!
Eeek Lisa! That reminds me I forgot to get you the photo you requested. Oops. Sorry. I'm glad you took one for yourself :) Thank you.
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