If the world had come to an end...

As last weekend came and went, sans apocalypse, (no, I never thought the end was seriously near! Did you? Of course you didn't!) it got me thinking. What if the end was near? If life as we knew it drew to an abrupt halt - looking back what would I have done differently with my time on this earth?

I believe that I would wish most of all that I had relaxed more, that I had accepted and cultivated a slower pace in general, that I had taken time to breathe in the sweetness of the moments, not equating stillness with idleness. I would have read more books to my children, spent more time on the floor with them, comforting their tears, rubbing their backs, listening to their voices, touching their skin, while they were young and eager to be with me. I would have corrected them less, applauded them more, been less impatient, hurrying them along to age appropriate destinations. I would have not taken for granted that they know they are treasured, wanted, cherished - I would have told them so. Everyday.

If I had seen the end from the beginning, I would have given up rushing myself and others through their processes. I would have taken rest in the sadness when it appeared. Not resisted crying - tears of joy and tears of sorrow. I would wish I hadn't fretted over the seasons of mourning. That I would relish the passages of blissfulness without looking around the corner for tomorrow's troubles. I would have sooner realized that worry truly is a waste of thought and energy. The vast majority of of what I worried about never came to pass.

I would have appreciated my body for what it is, for what it can do and has done, for the miraculous mechanism that it is, my own unique vehicle through this life, instead of continuously wishing it were something else. Smaller, thinner, stronger, leaner, taller, younger, firmer, more voluptuous. I would have recognized earlier that I am more than my appearance, spent less time agonizing in the mirror. I would have said "thank you" to it as it has ushered me through all that I've been through, day after day. I would have marvelled at its abilities, at its remarkable aptitudes, at its faithfulness to me.

I would have spent less focus caught up in ridiculousness that I can do nothing about, and less time on my computer. I would have seen that each hour with my little ones is fleeting and precious and not to be squandered away with one "just a minute" after another until they are grown and gone and no more minutes remain.

I would have been easier on my loved ones, on myself, asking for less, giving more, finding liberating freedom in being secure enough to love others unselfishly, fully grasping that the only control I have is over my own actions. I would have been less concerned with tidiness and tasks and more over kindness and encouragement and quality. I would have shown less interest in making sure I got what was coming to me and more in giving to others with little to no thought of what they do or do not deserve. Fairness would be removed from my vocabulary, grace would be elevated.

I would have celebrated. For no reason at all. Making the ordinary extraordinary, giving myself permission to experience peace.

I would have trusted God more, questioned Him less, pressed into Him in times of trouble, thanked Him in times of gladness, praised Him at all times, offered Him my fuller adoration, the truest heart of worship I could muster. I would have called upon His name more.  When I found myself without understanding I would have remembered not to ever doubt - Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. I look forward to meeting You one fine day.

One day I turned around and my baby was more than just making scribbles on a page. She was drawing people. People! She keeps moving forward...one milestone after another...without waiting for consent. ♥