Funny how things change...

Not all that terribly long ago, while reading Animal Vegetable Miracle  for bookclub, I remember thinking the author's cheese making venture was seriously.hard.core. Really? Making cheese? WHO makes cheese? And, WHY go to the trouble? The deli at my favorite local store, Safeway (yes, I still *do my best to, but it isn't always possible* avoid Sam Walton's mega monstrosity like the plague I believe it to be. Remember, the devil lives there! ☺) has such an abundant, fragrant, delectable cheese selection. In Barbara Kingsolver's case she was proving an (excellent) point about food by growing and making their own for a year, not to mention writing a book. At that moment in my life, I could not have imagined that jumping ahead a few short years, a rustic, homemade farmer's cheese with toast would be one of my kids' most favorite snacks in the entire world. Not a drop is wasted as our cats (and 4 brand new baby kittens!) love to drink up the whey (it is also good for pancakes). Never say never, my friends. Never....☺

After a couple of rainy days, this sight graced our back doorstep yesterday evening. Although nearly dusk, the sky suddenly lit up with a golden hue. Is there anything like the smell of the crisp air after rain? It must be the very definition of freshness. As I stopped to take a photo I tried to really breathe deeply and absorb - absorb the magnificence of the view (we could see the ends of the rainbow!) and the fragrance and the new growth in my garden and the greenness all around, the feeling that every thing had been washed clean.
I thought over the adoption struggles of the past couple of years and allowed the view to serve as a reminder to me that certain kinds of beauty in our lives, the type that beckons us to stop dead in our tracks, take a slow, deep breath, and truly savor the hard-earned sweet goodness of the moment come only after a season of down pour. I took heart.

The clan in at the Ingalls family homestead barn. Yes, I know I am quite late in getting the homestead photos up. I still want to show (my favorite part of the whole trip) the claim shanty! I'm not exactly sure when it is that I used to find time to blog. I believe this is the busiest I have ever been during my decade of motherhood. Having 2 kids in school and 5 kids homeschooling and 3 in a supplemental program at a charter school and 2 in girl scouts and 3 in gymnastics has made spare time a precious, scant commodity. Finding a rhythm to our days and weeks has been a challenge that has required a constant stream of modifications - but we may be getting there. After all, somehow I have found the time to make cheese. ☺

Again at the homestead. Gosh, I love the man who would take his family there for a vacation, and enjoy it himself. My heart. It swells.

I went to visit a friend this week who recently had the sweetest baby girl. As much as I wanted to see her and meet the baby, I knew it would be hard. I was not disappointed in my expectation. It was hard! It has been 14 months since Bobby underwent a *procedure* to reverse his *procedure.* Wow. I never anticipated this to be such a difficult thing! We had 5 babies in 6 years. We were so, so blessed with such a simple, natural wonder in our ability to welcome children. I suppose I feel that we held something sacred in our hands and we carelessly wrecked it. My longing for a baby has not yet waned. We have made plans to get tested to see if the reversal worked (we never had it done after the fact.) I believe it will help me to know if there is no, or very little chance.

The thing about infertility is it is a gift that keeps on giving...every single month. Dashed hope is an emotion I have become too intimately acquainted with. And that's not easy to go through time and time again. Not to mention the sight of those sweet babies that are impossible to avoid - everywhere you look they are! You would think spending time with them would make things better, but it doesn't. At least not for me anyway. Probably one day it will. I'm sure I will cradle other people's babies in my arms with joy instead of sorrow. But not just yet....

My heart aches for those who endure the remarkable heartache of the inability to bear children. Surely, it must be one of the cruelest realities a couple can face.

{Have you read The First Four Years? Do you remember the Boast's "indecent proposal" to Laura and Almanzo? I do not fault them at all. I can imagine the desperation and desire for children they must have felt.}

Bobby is off for the next 2 weeks to construct our mudroom - at least getting it closed in, even if unfinished on the inside. Oh happy day. Happy, happy day. A mudroom is a splendid thing. For so many reasons, he is my hero. ♥