Like when I slide across the floor of my living room exuding the confidence of a young Risky Business Tom Cruise belting out P!nk songs, omitting the language (not because my children haven't heard those words before, but because they seem better suited for an angry tirade than for a happy rock star serenade.) In those instances I own it.
Which is entirely different from speaking my real, true to the very core of me adoption story at a ladies' retreat. That's why I think it took me so long to get over the experience. Quoting Brene Brown, a friend aptly described what I was experiencing as a "vulnerability hangover." I would call that exactly it. The kind where after it was over, I went into my room at the YMCA, closed the shades, turned off the lights, put on my pj's, and laid in the dark for 3 solid hours. Doing. Nothing. At. All. It took me a good week or so to feel myself again. When I finally found my bearings, I went to get a couple new tattoos to celebrate. I really love funky body art. Finally, I could rock star again. Only at home though. Just the way I like it.
I have to say, meeting Lisa Qualls was truly a highlight of the retreat. I have been reading her blog for many, many moons and she has become a bit of a cyber mentor to myself, and so many others. She is exactly as I imagined she would be. Warm and nurturing and exceedingly gracious. A lifter, an encourager, a helper to the nth degree. I was nervous about speaking and while the worship was being led before my session, she slipped me the kindest note of encouragement on a simple piece of paper found her her welcome folder. That small, thoughtful gesture touched me greatly. I thought to myself, that's the kind of person I want to be, one who holds up another. It also began the continual drip that would leak from my eyes nearly the entire time I was speaking. ☺ Such a tremendous small act of kindness that would yield big fruit in the heart of another.
Since we're talking about acts of kindness, I would like to mention how my husband transferred my talk into this neat and far too professional binder for someone like me, complete with color coded indicators marking when I should click to the next slide on the powerpoint presentation he also put together. Really, if anyone is a rock star it is that guy.
♦ I lost 6 precious avocados I bought at the grocery store last week and I am still rather traumatized from it. I can't stop searching for them in every nook and cranny. Where could they BE? Apparently, it takes me a really long time to get over things.
♣ We have been furnace free all year (can I get a whoop!?) using only our wood burning stove for heat, which is quite lovely and adds a real sense of coziness and the kind of warmth that has nothing to do with temperature to our home. But still, what I am 100% over is the terrible, awful, stinky cold weather. Why, oh why April have you sent 20 degree temps and clouds and ice our way? You are a naughty, naughty spring to go around acting like winter.
♠ Have you all seen that Dove Real Beauty Sketches video? We all watched it last night and I found it fascinating. A beautiful eye opener for women. After I saw it, I could not help but wonder what would happen if the tables were turned and it were men participating in the experiment. I think it might go something like this:
Dude sits down in chair and describes himself: "Yeah, um, I'm really attractive. My features are chiseled. I have dark hair. I'm tall and lean and work out a lot so my muscles are pretty much bulging. Overall, I would say I'm ripped."
Another man has to describe him: "Yeah, he was pretty average, normal looking. Just a regular guy. Nothing too special. I, on the other hand, am really attractive. My features are chiseled...."
That was all kinds of wrong, I know....☺
1 comment:
Oh Tisha. I hope you don't hold me responsible for this hangover you had to go through! ={ I loved how honest you were. Your vulnerability made me cry - and made me feel alive. Maybe it's sick and wrong, but knowing that someone has struggled in such an intense way is healing for someone like me who has also struggled in intense but different ways.
Glad you're celebrating a bit now.
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