Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Thursday, August 29, 2013


"When I grow up I'm going to buy my wedding dress at a second hand store. They have lots of pretty ones. Or, I'll wear yours. And I will make my own cake!" ~Jayla, age 12

Be still my thrifty red heart. This girl is the fruit of my womb, the flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood.

My wedding ring did come from a pawn shop and my dress off the rack of "normal clothes" at Dillards where my betrothed and I went together to pick it out.

Every birthday of hers has been hard for me. I mourn the candle lit sugary occasion each August as it comes woefully 'round again and again. Why can't she stay my baby forever? No, really. Why? I could hold her in my lap and rock her and sing to her and she wouldn't uncontrollably snicker at my sing-song voice or roll her eyes at me even just once.

The time between her eleventh and her twelfth was a period of astounding transformation. It truly felt as if each day, before my blurry, blinky, wet eyes, she was morphing into something entirely different - a new creature. One that resembled a little girl less and less and a young woman more and more.

The only thing that brings me an ounce of comfort, what I cling to with all hope for the future, is that I love her so entirely, with all of my being, as she is right now.

The child is fresh joy, renewed day by day to my soul. She is my delight, my treasure, my inspiration, my gratitude. She is my assurance, even through ceaseless change everything will be okay. There is beauty to discover in the coming of years, there is more to share, more to witness, though she may not always be mine to hold in my hands, our hearts are forever knit. She tells me so.

Between us, a true friendship is blooming.

We are so much a like, she is a mirror to me, a gift of sight and acceptance and nurture.

She helps me love myself better, welcoming what I see, as I look at what I've always possessed through a new lens in the form of my traits passed on to her. In her my body type is stunning. In her my face is beautiful. In her my smile and humor and laughter is pure and joyful and right. In her, I view all the pieces of myself I have picked apart and I begin to finally recognize, they are once and for all exquisite.

Sweet Jayla,

You are such a spectacular girl! You have always, since the day you were born taken my breath away. I am in awe of the person you are - smart and strong and resourceful and silly and capable and willful and talented and hard working and conscientious and brave. In you lies the ability to be whoever you choose to become. Watching your life unfold is my pleasure and privilege. You are precious in my sight.

I have tremendous confidence in you, forever my girl.

Happy birthday, baby.


The lemon/lime cake she made for herself with her handmade decorations in the background.
Birthday dinner, hot wings.
1 &  11 = 12
My brother made me a sign that says J A Y (backwards L) A!
A transformers ring from another!
A homemade clipboard from my sister!
And a partial pack of gum!

1 comment:

Courtney Cassada said...

i love this. love her. SO many similarities between your 12 yr old and mine (turns 12 on saturday!) i LOVE this age. love it. thanks for sharing yours with us!

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