Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Monday, October 14, 2013

On Building Bears, God and Pink

Sitting at the (absurdly messy) kitchen table last week one morning during school we talked about what our dream jobs might be. I (of course) said that (most undoubtedly)  correcting kids scolding boys and girls redirecting short people taking lots of deep breaths pulling my hair out spilling my marbles out all over the floor each and every single day feeding a small army morning noon and night devoting my entire being to the raising of the children was at the tippy top of my highest ideal list. Living the dream, babies, your mommy is living the dream. My boundless joy must have at some point clued you in, right my wee little sugar snap peas?

One by one the Deutschlets rattled off their visions for procuring gainful employment. I'd like to be an art astronaut...a chef...a hair dresser...a power lineman...a race car driver...

Clover wasted no time to definitively state that her dream was *obvious.* Putting the stuffing in the Build-A-Bears. Duh. 

In that moment I looked at her cherubic face and my heart gushed out a giant spurt of pure golden honeyed love that caught in my throat and crept out the corner of my eye.

Time elapses at a rate in which I can not fathom. These sweet, sweet, crazy inducing babes of mine. They'll only be this young just a minute longer.

Too soon those dreams (or entirely different ones) will become their reality. They will be off pursuing their goals leaving my kitchen table impeccably lonely. Tidy and barren.

Savory muffin top jitterbugs, we're going to Build A Bear (!)
You may each choose an animal that is $18 or less.
(It's time you learned, even dreams have reasonable limits.)

Sorry ladies, theirs was the handsomest dad at Build A Bear. No offense.
The painful paying process. Where dreams meet reality.
Have I mentioned I'm going to the Pink concert this Friday in Denver? Um. Yeah. Have I mentioned how much I adore Pink?

It's funny to me that I've been met with a little (shock and horror?) surprise over that. I'm not entirely sure why. Is it because we happen to live extremely near to what is commonly known as The Christian Capital of the World, Colorado Springs and I am a typical-for-the-area large family, homeschooling, God fearing, adoptive mother of many? Whatever the reason, I myself find nothing particularly (or non particularly!) strange about it.

I'm kind of old. I've been through a lot.

From my youngest years when my parents were married to one another and deeply involved with a Christian cult - to my elementary grades spent as a Catholic School Girl - to my later childhood when my family fell apart and I thirsted for God so intensely that I clamored for the opportunity go to any church with anyone who was willing to invite me - to my early adulthood when I reentered the cult on my own and was forced to basically denounce my mother for no valid reason whatsoever - to my nearly incessant engagement when I dragged my husband-to-be into the suffocating fold of binding legalism known as Cult Life - to our early marriage where we rose to far over esteemed leadership positions - to being persuaded to carry out ridiculously invasive orders for a wide variety of harmful "godly confrontation"  - to finally awakening from the slumber that behooved us to check our brains at the door and follow like sheep to the slaughter - to leaving the cult behind along with every single one of our friends and acquaintances because cult life is exclusive by nature - to finding healing and comfort in the arms of a beautiful but flawed non denominational church - to stumbling upon a new church where families growing in number of children beyond the norm were the norm - to a home school group within the church that encouraged a boycott of Jeremy Camp's music because of his tattoos - to falling out of love with the mega church model and restrictive ultra conservatism - to desiring family worship together - to a small church that was warm and gentle and welcoming - to being told that if we did not get water baptized we may not make it to heaven - to "doing church" at home as a family - to studying church history as part of school curriculum with my children and learning of the impurity of the vast majority of religious/church movements due to political power and gain...

To winding up here. For now. On an exciting road of uncertainty and humbling doubt where I claim to know far less than I ever have before and my compassion has grown exponentially for those who wander, stammer, struggle, seek, and disagree. I only know that I love God dearly. Even if His vastness is beyond my comprehensible reach. Especially if His vastness is beyond my comprehensible reach.

I have no greater desire in my life than to leave the strangling yoke of legalism behind and worship freely, allowing others the same space for grace I have been known to require so they may carve their own individual paths to Him.

I crave to Love God with extraordinary simplicity.

And to go see Pink.

Simple, yes? :)


Alyssa said...

Tisha, if I've never told you...I appreciate your honesty, frankness, love of Pink, and belief that baptism isn't required to get into heaven. :):)

Anonymous said...

I've been saved by the grace of God, I love Gateway worship and Hillsong music and I would love to go see PINK in concert too and hey my kids are all grown and they would go see her too. ;)

So "Try" to go "Raise" your glass when you get there, cause its "Perfect"ly ok to go but "Have a good day and blow the complainers a last kiss. ;)

Dawn said...

Love me some Pink here too. Just saying.

Tisha said...

Thank you, Alyssa! I too love YOUR belief that baptism isn't required to get to heaven, as well as your honesty and frankness. :) I am so impressed by you and the way you handle yourself through all you go through. Love to you, mama!

Tisha said...

I'm not sure who the anonymous comment is from, but I do know that I like you very much!! :) Your song references are hilarious. You made me smile. Wish you could come along to the concert!!

Tisha said...

Dawn, this confirms it. We are out sisters. ;-)

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