Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

On Getting Away and Love Winning Out

Last weekend my main squeeze and I got away for a couple nights as a belated celebration for my (cough, cough) 40th birthday. Still just a pup! That's what I tell myself so I feel better. 

You've got actual, like decades ahead of you. Maybe even two of them in your right mind! Go on with your young self! 

Mostly it works. Except for when I, say, look in the mirror and I'm all, "WHERE did THIS face COME from?!" It can be rather startling. It's a lot like that moment in Still Alice when she spray paints all the mirrors in the house because they couldn't possibly be telling the truth of her essence in their reflections. Yeah. I feel you, Alice. Your pain is my pain, girlfriend.

It was a lovely time of stress free relaxation. It's amazing how unwound we can become away from the rigors of domestication. So much so that I {briefly} entertained the idea of stopping by the local dispensary for a little Colorado High. I mean, I am of age. Oh, don't yell at me. We didn't! The husband has employment to maintain! How else will all these mouths get fed? Sheesh. I'm not saying anything about what will happen when he retires...

I was relieved to learn that he and I still:
a) have something to talk about 
b) enjoy each other's company 
c) recall the sorely neglected letters R O M A N C E

Home life reentry was a teeny bit rough just as I remembered from all those other times I can count on one hand that we've gone away. Wow, these whippers can be a real handful. It's such a good thing they own every one of the strings that bind my beating heart. Otherwise I would never put in this much work or take such a ginormous number of deep, cleansing breaths while counting to 1,427. For anyone. Love you JOTSCMF! {Smoooooooch!} 

One of the most prevalent topics that came up again and again while the man and I were running amuck unencumbered like a couple of irresponsible teeny boppers was the public blog of some family acquaintance's young adult daughter. It's heartbreaking, really. She, in great detail, lays out very specifically the numerous ways her parents have ill treated herself and her many siblings. My heart is so grieved for these people. All of them. The parents who have certainly made egregious errors though they love their children passionately. The children who feel they have suffered. The children who feel as though they have not suffered. The rift between the siblings who feel they have suffered and those who feel they have not. The lack of accountability, forgiveness, understanding, compassion, and genuine acceptance that must flow in both directions for peace to ensue. I've spent hours dwelling on their situation. For me, it speaks as a cautionary tale. 

It's got me thinking about how terrifically fragile familial relationships can be, how grace and mercy and freedom must be copiously granted in order for these relationships to continue to prosper and thrive. 

I know my mistakes are more than can be counted. I sincerely hope none of my children are trying. 

My greatest hope is that ours is a home where lightness is cultivated, by decision, day by day. I long for it to be a place where humility is maintained, reconciliation occurs naturally through habit, offenses are easily pardoned because we are quick to remember our own transgression, and we are strong enough to absorb the pain and the tension and the heartache that life within close proximity to a group of people is bound to generate. There is no way around it, infliction will occur. It happens around every corner. I splash on them, they splash on me, they splash on each other, we all splash our shortcomings all over everywhere sloshing the place up. It's inevitable. We burden one another with our very selves. 

It is my goal to promote an environment where love reigns enormous and undeniable and overpowering. May I lead by example, not through control, but through the most grown up illustration I can become of righting the wrongs and generously forgiving the faults and owning the consequences of all my actions. 
I've got my work cut out for me...

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