For years, we've been contemplating the notion of a foster baby. Both before and after our little stint of taking All The Hard Steps toward making a baby of our own the new fashioned way which made 2014 a terribly expensive, wildly roller coastery year that ended with sorrowful sorrow more boundless than my heart could fathom.
Our last precious Deutschlet would have been born in March. The month came in all predictably lioness and went out lambesque sans brand new miracle of modern technology infant arrival. Damn vasectomies. Damn aging. Damn desire for one more sacred shot at fresh, beautifully bonded, sweetest gift, motherhood. Damn exhausting RAD propelling the urge for the gentle ease of naturally attached parenting. Damn it all.
Of course, as these things often do in the cosmic space where Murphy dwells, the sadness of March collided with the onset Miss Meadow's most challenging period to date. By far. Really, really far. Really, really, really far.
If things don't slow down here in the RADish behaviors department, I'm not sure a foster baby is in the cards. I honestly don't know at this point, but I am positive that I want and need to proceed with careful pondering and whatever shred of wisdom I still possess.
The thought of shutting the door on all babies of all kinds entering our home as one of our family is utterly dream crushing to me. I'm not saying it's definitely the case that we won't foster a baby, but I am saying things would need to improve here first with Meadow's situation. I have hope. And I am realistic. It could go either way. It's not an easy decision to make.
In light of all the gut wrenching going on around here these days, the kindest, most honoring and supportive beyond belief man I get to call hot husband has given me the best gift he could come up with to ease my babyless burden. He pooled together an outlandishly generous gift we unexpectedly received from some of the dearest people the planet has ever seen walking its surface, a contribution from each of the kids, and a portion from himself, to purchase and outfit me with a perfectly wonderful someone to nurture.
I have a new baby girl who will stay little forever, Pebble.
Happy early Mother's Day to me.
Gracious.
Woman's best friend.
{Puppy Love}
1 comment:
love. so sorry for this hard year--
but puppy love? it's real and it's awesome.
They don't talk back. They adore every bit of you.
And the puppy smell is just delicious.
Get 2 more and be crazy like me. :)
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