Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Thursday, May 07, 2015

Familyvert - one who prefers the company of his/her family to solitude

(Don't quote me on that. I made it up.)

All alone in my house for a few hours today, (save one big, one medium and one tiny dog) I can hear the clocks keeping time. The incessant ticking and tocking aches in my ears. The quiet rises in my throat, threatening to leak out of my eyes. It's an extremely rare occasion to be here completely by myself. On any other day, amid the trampling of not-so-little-anymore-feet I don't even know I have clocks. If I did, I'd surely be more prompt.  

I miss my babes. 

I miss them all. 

I remember several years ago camping with friends. At the time, we had 7 kids ages 8 and under. A constant whirlwind of commotion, uncontainable energy, endless corrections and futile attempts at corralling the herd kept The Man and I on our very weary toes. I envied the other family. With nearly half the number of kids we had and 2 teens to lend 4 helping hands, their camping excursion was a gentle breeze while ours better resembled the tornado that swept Toto and his teen mommy away to the land of the spooky little munchkins. I couldn't wait for our lives to be that easy. Today, they have a couple kids preparing to leave the nest and my envy has evaporated. Poof. Into thin air. I am so glad I'm not there yet. I've got a bit longer. I'm just not ready. 

Yet, I know my time will come soon. 

There have been many a day that motherhood has kicked the living tar right out of me, rolled me into a ball and sent me on a flight through the air only to land on the ground again, with a giant thud. It has reduced me to my weakest, most fretful state, brought me to my knees with worry and anguish and concern and fear that I will never be enough of what exactly it is they individually and collectively need. I have faced the daunting hours stretched out before me with trepidation more regularly than I can count.

But this role has risen me high, high, high too. It has set my spirits soaring, caused my heart to leap and dance and frolic with unaduterated gladness and sheer elation and enormous gratitude and boundless pride. Such pride for the people they are, the ones they are becoming, the ones they will be. 

I love them. All unique and precious and worthy and valuable beyond measure, my treasures on this earth. It has been a privilege to watch their lives unfold. 

I can't wait for them to come home. 

Let me soak up the mornings and noons and nights we have together while we still have them together.

Maybe I'm not so much of an introvert after all. 

A familyvert. Yeah, that's more like it...

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