Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Growing up is hard to do.

Having your children watch you do it is even harder.

Since 2001, I have been in 9 month cycles. 9 months pregnant, 9 months off, 9 months pregnant....It's been a roller coaster. It has been exciting, and taxing, and strenuous, and rewarding.

Now that those cycles are over, I find myself reflecting on what has taken place, and where I would like to see myself go in the future (I'm not talking about a vacation in the Bahamas, although it would be rather nice : )

I have a feeling life is really going to start racing now. When the children are young, the days seem so long and it feels like diapers and strollers and sippy cups will go on forever.

Then, suddenly you look around and they are gone. Replaced with missing teeth and literacy, and tiny little legos, and decisions about who they want to become.

With that change in the children comes some serious, deep questions for mom about how to nurture and shape souls in a way that will be pleasing to the Giver of Life.

I feel like the stakes are rising on this adventure. I must prove myself an example worthy of following. Not in perfection, but in maturity. I'm feeling the need to up my game. Little eyes are watching. They are looking to see how I handle life itself.

They are taking note of the way their father and I speak to one another. They look to see if I try to get by with "white" lies. They check to see if my moral compass is finely tuned. They hear if I gossip. They listen as I complain. They know if I work heartily as unto the Lord or if I labor grudgingly. They observe my generosity (or lack thereof.) They are aware of the things I long for and if they are treasures in Heaven or materialistic pleasures. They hear the way I speak about myself (and my thighs). They will know if I harbor resentments and unforgiveness, or if I am rich in mercy. They see me as I am and they will follow suit, to one extent or another. I want to rise up to be a woman they call blessed, a woman they can admire and respect.

My "Please God, wipe my bad behavior from my children's memory" prayer is no longer going to work with the older kids.

It is time for me to determinedly let go of some of the immature patterns of behavior I have allowed in my life.
1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

I am beginning with an actual chart for myself on the refrigerator door, right along with the kid's chore charts. It is my Ephesians 4:26 chart. Every day that I do well in not allowing my anger to cause me to sin, I get a check. It is fine for mom to become angry, especially for disobedience, she just must handle it like a mature adult, and deal with the situation at hand, no matter how many times it has happened today or how tired she is.

10 little eyes are watching me like hawks, they will detect the fraud in me if I instruct them to do as I say, not as I do. I know I will never be perfect, but I also know I have some growing up to do and I might as well get started.


Kim said...

thank you for a very inspiring post and thank you for still posting during your busy week. I have still been checking thinking maybe you might be able to get a post in! You are an amazing mommy who those kiddo's will and have learned so much from! Love you!

Lisa said...

I hear ya, sistah! recently, the kids have been saying things that I just don't like. Then, much to my sadness, I realize they learned to say that from me. and when Steve and I fight and talk ugly to each other, they pick up on it and talk ugly to each other. oh, the precious gift of parenthood ... and the tremendous responsibility and accountability that comes with it. The beauty of it all is that it make us become more Christ-like. And isn't that what He intended??

Alicia said...

It becomes such a responsibility when you really think about those eyes watching you. They do not miss anything. How often I remind Davis about Henry watching him and this was a good reminder to me that they are all watching me!

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