Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Saturday, August 02, 2008

1,2,3 Eyes on Me.

That's what I tell the kids when I need them to really listen up. They respond with 1,2 eyes on you. I've got their attention. Their gaze is fixed upon me. They can hear me, with no distractions.

How I need to do that with My Lord, My God.

I have allowed myself to become so distracted by the voices of people. I hear their words, penetrating words, harsh words, words that make me feel like a fool.

Words that cause me to doubt and second guess heart's desires, my abilities.

Who on earth do I think I am?
What makes me think I can give more children the attention they deserve? Aren't I spread thin enough? Is moving forward in this direction a disservice to the kids we already have?
The questions. The questions I don't seem to have adequate answers for. Answers that will satisfy. Answers that will make the questions just stop.

Some better questions may be:
Why do I see the faces of the Ethiopian orphans in my dreams, awakening me in a cold sweat? Why does their plight burden me so heavily? Why do my eyes burn from tears shed for children a world away? Why can't I ever get them off my mind? Why do I think of them as I prepare a snack of strawberries for my children and as I scrape the left over food from their plates into the trash can? Why does it feel like not enough for me to change our lifestyle to save money to use on their behalf? Why am I willing to do without just about anything that is not an absolute necessity for them? Why do I feel like falling on my knees and crying when I enter Costco and see all that food? Why would we pay such a large sum for those children when we could 'buy' more 'security' for our future and that of our children? Why does my husband share my desire for these kids, when many men wouldn't? Why do I pray for God to draw near to those children and comfort their hearts and why do I want to do that very thing with my own arms, my own home, my own bedroom, my own food, my own clothing, my own dinner table, my own strawberries? Why can't I look away? Why?

I don't know why.

It doesn't make sense. But, you know, that is my God. My Amazing Lord. The God of the impossible. The God of the unlikely and improbable and inconvenient. He is the God of the orphan. The Father of the fatherless. The One who has called me to such a time as this. The one who has called me to have 5 children, then adopt more, as irresponsible or silly as that may appear to people. The God who is glorified in things that human beings can't comprehend, things that just don't add up. The God I was wrong to take my eyes off of, even for a moment.

As I have looked around me, toward the people who disagree and disapprove, I have allowed myself to become distracted, discouraged, and defensive.
He has said to me Look Up Tisha, look up. 1,2,3 eyes on Me.
Yes Lord. 1,2 eyes on You.

I am sorry I lost sight. Let me look up again.
Psalm 123:1 Unto You I lift up my eyes, O You who dwell in the heavens.


Steve & Lisa said...

Amen, sistah! Eyes on Him, hug Him tight, don't let go. Don't let your eyes look around. Discouragement, distractions everywhere. He is our hope. He is all we need. His is the only voice we need to hear. Praying for you... and for all that you need to adopt those babies, however many God will bless you with!

Amy© said...

Tisha, this is a wonderful blog. Thank you.

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