Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Saturday, November 14, 2009

More information

After I said what I did yesterday, I thought it may have been lacking some very vital factors. So, I took it off until I could get back here to clarify.

1) Our agency is 100% supportive of our request for gathering some information about the possibility of meeting the children's families. They are willing to arrange a visit and assist us in any way necessary. They are wonderful and helpful, and ethical, and they do fantastic work to help many children stay in Ethiopia.

2) In many (all?) parts of Africa, a child is considered an orphan if one parent is no longer living. If one parent has died of disease related to HIV/AIDS, it is quite probable the other will also, in time.

3) We were told we would absolutely be received warmly and welcomed if we do choose to go to the children's birthplace, (which would require an overnight trip).

It's complicated. So very complicated. So much I would like to say, but am not sure if I should. So much thought and processing and grieving going on here. Tons of conflicting emotions......

I know I keep saying that. It's just not at all what I expected it would be. This "one living parent" thing has thrown me. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. And, I didn't even mean to enter the Amusement Park.

As people who had children already and were blessed with fertility, we did not go into this adoption to have another baby. Different motivations, different goals and desires.

Realizing that while we are providing a form of "service" in caring for someone's child when they can not, I did not anticipate the way it would make me feel to be adopting children who have a parent.

It definitely takes the warm illusion of being a benevolent do-gooder away. What do you say to the fathers? We've seen it in video a time or 2 where adoptive parents meet the living parent and honestly, it is grueling to watch.

Yet, there is nothing we can do for these particular kids besides this. It is too late. We must get aid to the families who are in regions where children are being given up for adoption, BEFORE a parent dies. BEFORE the children are surrendered. BEFORE parental rights are terminated by their choice because they can find no other way. Earlier, sooner, less selfishly, we can assist in ways that give families another option. Adoption is a beautiful resort, a way to bear one an other's burdens, but couldn't we do more to make it the last one so that parents everywhere can know the joy we take for granted?

The opportunity to raise our children, to watch them grow, to provide their need, is about as pure as it gets on this earth.

As my husband said last night, jokingly after days of on and off discussion about the topic "we want to be a hero, not a zero." Although we don't really have red-cape-syndrome, I suppose it is something like that.

If you've made it this far, thank you for listening. I know I have been a drag lately and many of you have wonderful Christmas time life giving charity things on your mind. I'm sure next year, when I don't awake with a pounding heart at night because of the financial strain of completing these adoptions, then caring for the kid's medical needs, I will be there too....being part of something pure that I can feel wholly good about.


Courtney said...

i'm listening.
and praying.
and processing {from WAY behind in the journey} with you.

thanks for sharing!

keep seeking Him.
He'll make His way clear.

Holly said...

you haven't been a drag.

you have stirred something in my heart and brought to mind ideas I would have never thought of otherwise.

I think this is something BIG you are on to.

I'm watching on the edge of my seat....

HMK said...

Yes, Adoption is simply a bandaid on the large mammoth scale of what needs to be done to alleviate the orphan crisis. I wish there had been a program in place in Bereket's birthplace so that her mom could have the help she needed to continue to care for her. Even in Ethiopia, HIV is not a death sentance anymore...though there are FAR fewer treatment options and therefore still increased risk for premature death due to complications. But the government pays for treatment... it's free... Now if only folks had a way to earn money and buy food... or rain to grow food to sell food to buy food... starvation is an ugly beast.

Stephanie Headley said...

I could never see you guys having "red-cape syndrome"...But, Heavenly Father will have a special place for you because you cared for His children! You will reach judgement day, and He will say to you "Well done, my faithful servant!" I don't believe there is an ounce of pride behind what you do, only compassion! It is very admirable. And, I am so happy to be able to watch from afar as this journey unfolds!

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