Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Buying a Rocking Chair

We're going to be searching the thrift stores for one. I am completely excited about it. I've heard it mentioned often that time spent soothing through sitting and rocking together is very therapeutic for adopted children. I'm thinking it will be for me too. And, for the rest of our kids. Heck, I may line them all up to take turns in my lap, play the music softly, and rock the day away ☺ My babies will only allow it so long. I intend to make the most of it.
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Heather Forbes, the author of Beyond Logic, Consequences and Control spoke of "moving from a place of fear, to a place of love." Although I found the book and conference quite intriguing, for some reason, that terminology didn't really resonate with me. And, while there, people asked many questions, wanting technique. Natural for us, isn't it? To want a set of easy to follow instructions. Her approach, founded upon years of neurological research, was definitely not that! It was ALL about the parents, their attitudes, actions, responses and feelings toward their children.

Later, while researching to learn more about the unschooling philosophy, I came across a quote that went something like this, "we basically focus on our relationships all day and everything else that needs to happen will do so around that."

Those are words that communicate to me. I thought to myself, yes! That's it. That's how I can move more toward operating out of a "place of love." I've seen clearly over and over the frustration and discouragement that comes with trying to constantly modify behavior. Both mine and theirs!
I can focus in all the moments that fill our day on our relationships as top priority. It is not about getting our kids to DO something -outward. It is helping them BE something - inward. That's when the "results" will be genuine and self motivated. It takes time and talking and patience and maturity on my part.

Funny thing is, I'm finding the same ideas true about myself. It has transfomed my relationship with God too. More on that later.

For now, here is an example with the children.
This year, I wanted to make a goal to play with my kids more. At least 15 minutes spent per day, playing. On their terms. What they want to play.

That is a lofty expectation for me. Playing is not my favorite thing to do. I like games, reading books, watching movies or cooking or baking together, but sitting down and playing, uh not so much. I've long known I should do more of it and my days of them wanting my attention in that way are numbered. When I focus on the task at hand - playing - it's a chore. Outward in.

As I have spent my hours thinking purely of what will be beneficial for our relationship, playing becomes easy, automatic. I have no question it connects their hearts to mine, bonds and endears us to one another. They get SO MUCH out of it. If that is my goal, further developing our relationship, if playing is what it takes to get it done, I'm going to play! Inward out.

It takes what was formerly the objective or destination, and makes it a natural byproduct.

A beautiful, tender, fulfilling, and completely rewarding life is one in which we are consistently connecting, heart to heart, with our loved ones. Relationships.

4 comments:

EM said...

very interesting. Keep talking. I'm listening.

hsmom24boys said...

Are you leaning more towards "unschooling"? It is definitely a fantastic way a life for relationship building. We love it, and love the fact that we learn all the time, not just during "school"!

I totally get you on the "playing" thing. I like to do things that have an end. period. done. Playing just keeps going! Working on it around here too!

Praying for you and your two new kiddos!

Also, we have a rocking chair I would give you if you could get it from TX...

Tisha said...

Hi Carrie, So nice to hear from you! Yes, we are definitely using at least *some* of the unschooling approach here :) There is so much freedom and flexibility! You're right, it is a fantastic way of life for relationship building. We are still using some cirriculum and having "table time," but we have also incorporated more time for the kids to be self directed and for me to follow their lead toward learning about what THEY want to learn. It's fun!
Would love to hear more about how you're doing things with your boys!

Tisha said...

oops - curriculum ☺

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