Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Friday, January 15, 2010

Nesting

That's what I've been up to lately. Cleaning out drawers, closets, Goodwill drop-offs, defrosting the freezer, carpet cleaning, scrubbing and sorting....
Because, our house was terribly dirty and disorganized. ☺

As we wait for our travel call - the one we expect any day now where they say, "show up on this date in Ethiopia," it just feels natural for me to be busy, nesting. We're about to have 2 new (big) babies! So very exciting.

Also, I'm spending time with the wee ones here, intently focusing on relationship based parenting, taking a giant step away from result based parenting which leaves much to be desired with regard to peace and joy in the home. I've heard this talked about before-by the Jeubs, and in the Beyond Logic Consequences and Control conference with Heather Forbes, but frankly, I never really got it. Finally, after becomming thoroughly fed up and frustrated with our status quo, I am seeing a new side of motherhood. It's refreshing and extremely liberating.

Raising children in a results based, achievement motivated, improvement focused, change from the outward in, productivity and production esteeming, behavioral modification loving home, DOESN'T WORK. And even if it does because we may have a particularly compliant child who does whatever we want them to do, what are the values inherent in viewing life from that vantage point? What are we teaching them about the way we determine their own worth, the worth of others?

It is the American way. We are a productive, industrious sort of people. We are all about the bottom line. Are our relationships paying the price? One we can not afford? Why, I believe yes they are. At least here they were. Expecting our kids to "be good" and "behave" not embarrass us, and perform in a socially/academically/spiritually "acceptable" way for us to be happy, satisfied, with them was no bueno.

They fail and fall short and don't live up to our expectations. How hard for them.
I fail and fall short and don't live up to my expectations. How hard for me.
It's all so guilt inducing and cyclical.

Change-behaving well-doing good-from the inside out, at the heart level, is authentic, real, true, inspiring, lovely, peaceable, organic. And, it works! Even with kids! Especially with kids!

If a behavior is genuine, it's done even when no one is looking. There is no "get away with it" mentality. That only happens when a child is truly motivated. And, it doesn't usually happen because of fear of consequences. It occurs when a connection is made, when they become personally convinced about the way they should conduct themselves and act accordingly.
That's when true character is established.
Because this is about more than making us, their parents, look good and capable, isn't it?

My oh my, I could talk forever on this subject. If you know me in person and we have spent time together recently, you have no doubt that's true. ☻ Let's just say glory hallelujah, I see the light.
I hope it made sense. If not, that's okay. I may not be able to communicate the concept well, but I certainly know transformation in our home when I see it. And I do. I see it.

Off now to clean the great big van, with the help of a very handsome 5 year old young man.

2 comments:

EM said...

I need to know more! Keep talking.

Courtney said...

i think i understand...and agree (not that it matters if i agree...but...just saying...)

but, keep talking! i want to hear more of what He's teaching you!

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