Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Friday, April 30, 2010

Far from Arrived

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. Not busy with a full calendar - busy with the hard work that must be done Post Adoption. Some new revelations were made, some old trauma and negative experiences exposed, some buried memories resurfaced. As the language barrier begins to drop away piece by piece, and communication becomes clearer, more and more is known and shared. Although I'm thankful for the opportunities to connect, it was actually a lot simpler before we could talk. Ignorance can be bliss! This has been a lot for me to take in. And just when I think we've made huge, breakthrough progress, I see that despite all the effort I'm exerting, all the time I'm spending trying to understand and nurture and assist and bond, I don't think the attachment is exclusive - they may just as easily go home with any number of people if given the chance. And it stings. And makes me really angry. Even though I know it shouldn't. It is extremely difficult to not grow discouraged, and quite honestly, bitter.

Life keeps moving along at a quick click - we go forward - again - we step back - again - we cry - we laugh - we feel sad and happy and hopeful and disheartened and close and far away - on and on it goes....

I suppose we have a long way to go. I need endurance and strength and wisdom. I need mercy. I need to be merciful. God is faithful and will provide. I'm counting on that.

4 comments:

Cassie said...

thats a good thing to count on. a strong thing.
thinking of you....

Chris Noelle said...

I think you are doing a fabulous job! It will take time.
Yes, He will provide....because they are HIS!!
All your kids are HIS. Keep loving them, and pointing them to Jesus.
Praying for the journey.

Lindy said...

We prayed for you in the van while running errands. Eme even prayed for Jayla! It was just one uttered little word from her lips! So sweet.

Call when you've reached your limit--I'm 10 minutes away! I have NO answers (as clearly evidenced!) but will eat chocolate with you any day! I can't wait for the day that we can both say, "Look what God did!!" It will come--even if the changes are only in our hearts.

Love you!

Alyssa said...

It's so encouraging to me to see you struggle! Now let me explain...:) Your struggling means that you are taking the time to get down and dirty with these kids...to know them inside and out the way only a mother truly can. You haven't had the first however many years of their lives to do that, but watching your journey is so beautiful!!

I really hope to adopt someday and if/when we do...I'm coming back to these blogs when I am facing my own struggles!!

We'll be praying for patience and grace for you all on the road ahead! :)

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