Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Friday, April 16, 2010

That Woman

Who put her adopted son on a plane back to Russia with a letter. It's so easy to point the finger. How many people have I heard and seen talking about this. How could she?

I'm not condoning her actions.

But there is something I've learned during the past 2 months.

When a person or family decides to adopt a child internationally, they might have only a couple of paragraphs of information to sum up the entire existence of that young one's life. That little life was probably not at all like the lives of other children they know. One thing is clear - there was great loss. No doubt.

Much more is completely unclear.

They can not be certain about the myriad of other exposures that child could have had that may affect their brain chemistry, behavior, development, mental and emotional health and well being. Their new child, whom they spent themselves fully to prepare for and welcome, may act out and cope and deal with every day situations in ways that are extreme, unmanageable, unfavorable, dangerous, harmful, difficult, outrageous. "Normal" to them may be entirely wrong and inappropriate.

I think it's fairly safe to say this woman did not go into her adoption thinking, "wow, I'm going to sock my son back on an airplane alone and try to return him to the country he came from because I will be at my wits end and have absolutely no clue how to handle this boy."

Under an extended period of duress I'm guessing she probably became a version of herself she had trouble recognizing. The woman she formerly knew herself to be, the one who completed her home study and paperwork and to make the journey of a lifetime would likely never do such a thing.

Make no mistake - adoption can make a family vulnerable. You get what you get and you have to try to deal with it the best way you can. Once they're there, they're yours. Along with whatever issues they may carry home.

I am not going to judge her.
That I know for sure.


Holly said...

I don't know if it's judgment or what - I haven't heard of this one yet but I've heard of other stories and my stomach turns in knots every time -
mostly because I think about what you just mentioned, the journey these families have been on and how devastating a situation must feel/be for you to get to a point like that.
And it doesn't just seem to be adoption, read a few stories of mothers doing this type of desperate move with their birth children - lots of pain, maybe that's the pit in my stomach - a deep hurt for the families and a HUGE desire for them to have another answer.

Matt and Andrea said...

I have said the same thing to other people this week. I always say what she did was wrong, but don't judge until you have been there. A lot of pain for the family and the child. Very sad.

Alyssa said...

John 8:7-"When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.'"

That's NOT easy to do...especially when something as despicable as this comes across your life....UGH.

Jodie said...

I can't judge this woman for disrupting her adoption. We haven't been in her shoes, we don't know all the trauma involved, etc. (but I can imagine!)

However, I'm sure there is a better way she could have handled it rather than put that 7-year-old on a plane alone.

My prayers go out to all involved. No one wins in this situation.

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