Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I truly used to believe that we would adopt as many children as we possibly could.
I was one of those women who was incredibly inspired by those who set aside their own time, finances and comfort to make room, those who took great risk to welcome children in need into their homes, their lives, their hearts. I knew for sure we had a desire for a large family, and that we really loved having a house full of kids. I thought we would be good candidates for parenting kids from "hard places."

Our kids have been home 8 months and my perspective has completely changed.

Parenting kids from hard places has proven much more challenging than I expected, in ways I never would have anticipated.

It was not until after our kids were home that I realized how vulnerable our family was, how vulnerable our children had become. We brought them in, sight unseen, knowing next to no information about their exposure, their behaviors, their past, their tendencies. It was an As Is deal, for better or worse. Which, in theory, is a beautiful notion of love. Absolutely. And sometimes that works out amazingly well. Perhaps, even most of the time.

Some people adamantly say that it is irresponsible, unprofitable to share our stories of struggle. What if it turns people who otherwise would have adopted, off and children unnecessarily continue to wait? Not every one has difficulty after all. There are countless success stories.

To that, I would say, that I believe that the realities of adoption should be spoken - with as much grace as possible. That the adoptive community at large may be wise to embrace the knowledge that only those who have experiential insight can accurately relate. So that generous people, parents with big hearts, go into it with a clearer understanding of what may they may face. So dads and moms are less blindsided than they may have otherwise been. So the shame they may feel, alone, as if everyone else is somehow doing this adoption thing better than they are, can be released. So support and healing can be ushered in.

Our family has struggled, yes. But I do not for one minute believe that means our story is not a 'success.' It has not be the easiest road. It has not been the most difficult.
We have rejoiced in marvelous breakthroughs, mourned discouraging set backs, moved forward and back, lived, made mistakes, repented, and learned. Much reflection and a whole new level of self awareness has grown. A deeper sense of compassion for our brothers and sisters on this journey has emerged. Redemption has taken on a whole new meaning.

God has seemed far away.
God has seemed nearer than our next breath.
We have fallen to our knees.
He has been faithful.

I don't know what the future holds or if we will again feel led toward adoption.
I hesitate to make plans anymore.

What I do know is this story, with all of its flaws and foibles, is gloriously to be continued......

5 comments:

Cassie said...

appreciate more than you know, your honesty.
these are the stories that need to be shared.
love you...

Courtney said...

and, i will say it again, THANK YOU for your honesty. i know who i'll go to first when i'm struggling... (when, not if)

Holly said...

hanging on every word.

Jodie said...

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your honesty. I truly wish I had read/heard some TRUTH about the reality of adoption before we brought home the girls. Sure, I may have thought, "Oh, that won't happen to us." I know I thought that about some of the things I did read. And yes, we are truly blessed that we're not dealing with some the horrific issues you hear about. But we do have issues. We most definitely are dealing with things that no one talks about. At all. Ever. Not even to their best friends. I'm so guilty of that, too. But it's comforting to know that I can meet with other adoptive moms, or I can even vent through your blog, taking comfort in the kindred emotions.

Thanks again for your realness :)

Angela said...

yay. so glad you are so real and tell it like it is. the beauty and the brokenness...

thank you!

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