The journey we've been on has taken me by surprise on many levels. Looking back, I see that mostly, I had much to learn about myself. I thought myself equipped as a mother, that I would unreservedly welcome these precious children with open arms, and an open willing heart. The discovery that I was not the person I thought I was brought me to my knees in humble awareness that I need God. I could not muster the strength or energy or kindness or motivation to do what I must do alone. I was forced to rely on Him to help me get through the days when everything was stunningly new, to keep me from falling into hopeless despair, to find vision for the future, to teach me how to love these kids.
As I remember where we've been and think about how much better things are now, one word comes to mind. Amazement. True, awe struck, breathtaking, nearly unbelievable if I had not witnessed it with my own eyes, felt it in my heart, amazement.
Today, when I say, I love you Meadow. She says, I love you too mommy.
Flint wraps his arms around my neck and squeezes for a genuine hug.
They have changed immensely. There is a huge, marked progress. From frightened, nervous, desperate, competitive, insecure children into this. All that they are now. Beautiful, magnificent, transforming, blossoming little ones gaining confidence, embracing their individuality, finding their footing within our family unit.
They have changed me too. I thought they needed me. I had no clue how much I needed them.
Thank you Meadow and Flint for being patient with me. You have bestowed upon me a unique gift that no one else could. You are a testament to the grace and goodness of God our Father who loves us enough to give us just what we ought to have.
I love you. I know there is still much to do, but we have come so far.
I am excited to see what 2011 has in store.
5 comments:
Grateful to hear that God is working to draw your family closer and closer to each other and Him. Thanks for sharing!
Trusting that 2011 will indeed bring even more joy than you can imagine.
Happy New Year to you and yours!
That little Flint is just so adorable. Great pictures of both the kids.
Tisha, what an absolutely gorgeous post. So glad that this past year brought so many changes. Our first three years together as a family changed me in so many ways. I wouldn't change them for the world, even though they were very, very hard. Happy New Year! May 2011 bring even more closeness and security to your family.
You might appreciate this woman's journey, SO like yours. You two humble me to my knees:http://anotherespressoplease.blogspot.com/
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