1,2,3,4 & 5

1) We must admit, we have found a new hard core fanaticism (which replaced our former mild fondness) for the Denver Broncos. It was Tebow. Call us converts. We believe.

2) My baby boy is the best dog I could ask for. I am amazed at how easy he has been to train! He is my very own personal canine therapy. Seriously. His presence has been helpful and healing to me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. In the absence of what I have so longingly hoped for, (a real-life human baby) he is some kind of wonderful.  He gives me an uncomplicated little one to nurture where the love flows easily and freely. Dogs must, surely be one of God's uniquely special gifts to humankind. :-)
Thank you Arrow.

3) Speaking of dogs, the kids' little dog (a stray we took in last August) was hit by a car on New Years Eve. It was devastating to them, especially Jayla and Onyx. We all miss him.

4) I'm relatively certain we could have built our own personal library with the fines we have paid to our public library for late/damaged/lost books and DVDs.

5) Recently, I read a quote that spoke about the idea of Americans being some of the only people who expect love to not be paired with pain. Could anything be more true? The vulnerability that accompanies love, and the ability for those we love most to bring us pain, seem to me to be absolutely, unequivocally impossible to escape.

I think of this often with my journey as a mom. The continual taste of the bitter with the sweet - comingling - intertwined and mixed and muddled and jumbled together with no clear lines of separation.

Such a terrible, terrible time I have with my children growing up. Just awful. Grief and sorrow flow hand in hand with the happiness and pleasure and joy I experience.

I have no doubt it keeps me from savoring the present as fully as I should. Why doesn't anyone tell you this when you have your first baby?

WARNING: that innocent little bundle of joy you're holding will have the capacity to rip your heart right out of your chest (but leave it beating!). You will never, ever be the same woman you once were. Not ever again! Bid fond farewell to your former friend, Carefree. She has left you for good! No matter what you choose to do with your life from this day forward - for better and for worse - you will have a continual, blessed tether to that child of yours who will, joyously and painfully before your very eyes, grow up and (with our without your consent) leave you, quite possibly a very long time before you're ready for them to go....
WELCOME TO MOTHERHOOD!!


Perhaps this ought to come along with the lasagnas and pretty pastel bags filled with teeny tiny clothes your friends bring you, yes? You know, as an FYI?

A focus toward gratefulness for what I have (7 beautiful kids, a husband who is more than I ever knew a man could be, a sweet puppy dog) and acceptance of what I do not (a baby, Peter Pan-esque children who refuse to grow up): My personal goals for 2012.