Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The tale I would tell if I were to tell a tale....

For some reason, it grew particurlarly stark to me the contrast between who I was - not so very long ago -and who I've more recently become, during this election season. I think it's because I realized that I've truly made a departure from most of my peers - in thoughts, in beliefs, in action, in philosophy and perspective and opinion and word and deed. There was a time when I would have considered myself much more mainstream. Just a typical Christian, large adoptive family, denim jumper wearing (oh, well no, not really) homeschooling mom (with a paradoxically simultaneous affinity for funky body art coupled with old fashioned Little House on the Prairie simple life ideals and a whole host of regrets from her younger years who is married to a saint of a man that is willing to overlook each one of those regrets and say the past is past...maybe not so mainstream at all? ☺) When I stop to think about it, I can see that there are definite reasons for the gradual shift that has taken place. I've run in Churchy circles long enough to without a doubt believe some would call my transformation a falling away. They would fear for my soul. It's a slow fade, you know. I would not consider it like that at all. The deceived is never aware of the deception. I would say that I woke up and marched out the door, with my heart and eyes wide open, ready, eager, willing to see God in a new way, ready to know Him better, to understand Him less, to love Him bigger, to search Him earnestly, to find Him simply, magnificently, uncontainable, and to reverence Him accordingly.  

I've been thinking of writing a sort of a mini-book for my kids. Something they can hold onto long after I'm gone, so they can begin to understand these kinds of changes in the life of their mom. To share in my journey, my departure, my process, in the truest sense of the word. To bare my soul. To let them know just how I arrived where I am at this moment, and why I see it as just a stage I'm passing through, onto the next. Why I feel that if I stand still too long, I will shrivel up and die.  Why I intensely crave freedom. To share with them my story. As insignificant as it may be, it is uniquely mine, and that's worth a little least to my children.

I think I'll put it here, marked by chapters, then settle it into a blog book once I'm done.

You are more than welcome, friends to read along, if you care to....

 Onyx with his medal for "most dedicated player" during his football season, along with his trophy for participating. Everyone received the trophy, but only 5 of the 22 players, who stood out most, earned a medal for MVP, most improved, most dedicated, etc. Oh, my heart. {Swell} So, so proud of this boy we are. The season was a challenge for him but he stuck with it, had tons of fun, learned the game, and earned himself a medal for most dedicated player. Words can not express....
 Examples of the notes I find Oh, my heart. {Swell}

 The Deutschlets getting ready to skate. We only hit it about once a year, so they aren't very good. But boy, do they have get-up-(again, and again, and again!)and-go! I just melted (and feard for the hospital bills due to broken wrists, which never came....THANKFULLY!) watching them. Oh, my heart. {Swell}
Jayla took this picture telling us to "make our best skating faces." Pretty good ones, no? ☺

1 comment:

Cassie said...

i just find myself wanting to simply say....
i love you.
that's all.
the end.

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