Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Friday, February 22, 2013

He was right, you know.

How many nights have I laid awake, tears streaming from my eyes, wetting my pillow, woefully fretting over the great and tragic infliction I have imposed upon my children? I worry they will not be able to forgive me for my wide and varied, stunning array of seemingly endless infractions, too numerous to count. I fear their memories will be tainted, their tender hearts scarred because of their mother's failings. I wonder if I should enroll them in school to spare them the pleasure of my own company. ☺

As hard as I try to give them a warm and secure and truly happy childhood, as much focus as I apply toward that end, as intently as I work to spend myself on their behalf - my inescapable self is ever with me - in my parenting, my every interaction with them, spilling my sinfulness out all over the place.

And then I hear them speak, reminiscing and recalling the years that we have spent together (which as they get older, they LOVE to do!) in a whirlwind of noise and activity and commotion and mealtimes around the table and reading books aloud and school work and cleaning up spills and family outings, and yes, even squabbles, rants, and tantrums (both theirs and mine!). They talk about their memories, made during the time that I have wrought with guilt over all the ways I have disappointed them, proven a poor example, grown weary and grumpy, when I have carelessly and regretfully counted my blessings a burden. Oh, how they laugh about it! All of it! So loudly I have to cover my ears, their laughter fills our home...and consoles my heart. What I have so worried about has not even phased them.

Despite my every inadequacy, all my faults and shortcommings that have littered our days together, at this point what they remember most is a wonderful, blessed, fun filled and joyful childhood. It really does astonish me.

And I realize, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they know their mother was invested. They can see it. My labor is not altogether lost on them. They witness my toil and strain and folly and they don't mind. Because in the depth of their souls, they know they were deeply, madly, passionately, sacrifically loved.

Through my children I have come to see, first hand and in living, vibrant color, the face of grace.

And I know Peter's words are honestly, wonderously true. Love really can cover a multitude of sins.


Courtney said...

thank you, thank you, thank you for this (and the comment on my post!) i SO needed to hear this. now to believe it...

monica said...

What a wonderful treasure it is that they already see and recognize this Tisha. That is definitely a testimony to your intentional parenting. Sometimes it take kids having kids before they understand this.
Well Done Mom

Tisha said...

Well, my kids have had an unusual amount of practice in overlooking faults due to my excessive propensity for sin. So, they are skilled! :) And, I really have to credit their leader, Jayla, for being decades wiser than her age and leading the way in both awareness of people's tendency to be human, and kindness. Thank you for comments, Courtney and Monica.

Emily said...

oh amen and amen-- i have thought those same thoughts-- word for word-- and i am amazed at their ability to truly forgive and forget-- a lesson i am still learning. and grace... oy- do they show me grace.

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