Project Liberation

I was going to take an early-morning-no-makeup picture of myself. It was to be part of my new (mid) life's ambition which I have affectionately labeled Project Liberation. (Or something like that. Is that how I've been {affectionately} referring to it? My midlife brain forgets...) Anyhoo, this is where I tirelessly labor to free myself from unreasonable expectations and the desire to appear to be or to make my life appear to be....anything. Anything other than I am, anything other than it is.

It is where I step out into a more authentic life with the most authentic self I can summon and shamelessly expose what I would perhaps prefer to cover. Because I fear the world of social media will pilfer my soul and rob me of the dignity of aging gracefully, honestly, of aging at all. It begs me to foolishly endeavor to stay young and hip and vibrant and exciting and to show off all the good that is mine in this life for others to envy. It beckons me to travel the world and to participate in exotic experiences and to prove myself worthy of hundreds of likes. While with one hand it informs, encourages, inspires and connects, with the other it steeps itself in vain pettiness, futility, waste, false standards of measurement, and even cruelty. It is the world in which I am raising my children, the one they will inevitably enter, where if they are not careful, they may all too easily turn the value of their merit over to the keyboards of others.

Only in my photo I wanted give a gentle smirk so as not to crinkle the eyes. That was until my son walked up behind me and turned my pose into a genuine laugh, causing the middle aged skin to crease up deep and big.

Truthfully, the liberation I so yearn for is one of the reasons I'm sort of in love with my new instagram account. It may sound paradoxical to want to flee the oppression of social media through social media, but I find that I can capture regular moments of our hours, spent primarily at home, and appreciate the exquisite beauty of what lies in the truth of our real day to day existence, through the lens of a camera.  My life is so far from exotic. It is not one most envy. My body and my face and my hands and my neck and my purple veins are changing and I can not contend with my former 25 year old self, nor keep up with a constant quest for youth.

But I have people who love me dearly and I have a healthy body that is able to walk and run and play and I have a cozy home and access to a variety of wonderful, beneficial foods and dogs who bring me great joy.

My crinkly eyes are simply a byproduct.

May I learn to embrace them fully for the beauty they represent.