Shrek and I have something in common.

We're both ogres.

I am trying so hard to be a kind, good, lovely mom to these kids, because I truly do like them an awful lot. But, I keep falling off the nice wagon.

It is absurdly difficult to maintain a pleasant disposition when ALL you want to do is sit around and ALL they want is for you to get up and do something else, usually things that require hunching, squatting, lifting, or bending. None of which are recommended for someone 12 months pregnant.

Hello guys? Can't you see mom swallowed a basketball, one that doesn't permit things like, oh I don't know, bending over to pick things up off the floor? Heavy things like, oh I don't know, kids? And how about all those messes that need wiping up? Um, news flash...swallowed basketballs don't conveniently roll to the side when mom needs to reach down to sweep up/pick up/wipe up your stuff. They sit right there in my midsection, making maneuvering nearly impossible and fairly hysterical for observing bystanders.

See? I told you. Ogre-like. I'm on Santa's naughty list for sure.

How about a new decree, that for one month, 2 weeks prior to delivery and 2 weeks after, all pregnant mothers who already have children will have a live-in nanny/cook/house cleaner that will assist them, and answer to the ring of a call bell? Then, mom can play with her children, eat with her children, be sweet to her children and not have the stress of the household work, so her little beloveds will still like her and not wonder why she all of a sudden has so much in common with large green ogres.

*This position will be pro-bono.....maybe it could be part of a "So, You Think You Want Children" class where they try it out for a while....before they decide if they want to go running into the night. A very good idea, no?