Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I get it.

I understand. I get what you're saying (or thinking) when you say to me "you're way too hard on yourself." I hear that from friends A L L the time. And, I know exactly where you're coming from. I know it's true and it's my nature. I also know I am entitled as a human being to a bad day.

But this is what I also know:

I know that in the past number of years, Bob and my hearts have been opening wide to children that are not our own.

I know that this is a slow, progressive process.

I know that this process has led us to hone in on the concept of international adoption.

International adoption is expensive. Really expensive. The process itself is consuming, in various ways.

It is not convenient at all. And, it may not make sense to other people.

Especially when we already have 5 children to care for.

We have to be DEEPLY COMMITTED to have the resolve and perseverance to do what is required to follow through with what we feel is God's calling on our lives.

And, as I work to surrender myself to Him in this area, I see change in myself.

I now cry for children I do not know.

We pray for these children every single day.

We are making an effort to save money anywhere we can.

Ethiopia, specifically, is heavy on our minds.

So, when I read about the children there starving, I weep. I weep because those are not just "people in need" to me. God willing, a couple of those will be My People. My Children. My Family.

I pray that one day those children will be able to go to (pull out a new cup) and go to our refrigerator and get fresh water and drink it, and have Goldfish too. I pray that Bob and I and JOTSC are humble enough to hear God speak into our hearts and strong enough to do whatever it takes to follow through so that one day as we stand before Him He can say well done my good and faithful servants.

If I am not sold-out for this cause, I will quit. It's too easy to look away and go about our lives. If I am not thoroughly broken hearted for these people, I will not be able to sacrifice what is required to follow all the way through.

Maybe it seems like no big deal....adopt a couple of kids if you want to. Or, maybe it seems like a ridiculous notion to add to an already large family.

Either way, this is the journey we are on. This is the fight we have accepted this is how my heart breaks when I realize I have so much to give and nothing truly worthy of complaining about. It's important for me to remember that, lest I become too self absorbed to help others.

Writing it down helps me sort things out in my mind, and I want to be able to look back and read our lives and see how they unfolded. Read at your own risk....or don't : )


Courtney said...

i love reading your heart. thanks for sharing and processing in front of us! i am blessed by it!

Holly said...

you go girl!!!

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