Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Thursday, October 15, 2009

My Pleasure: Another Woman's Pain

Is this taboo?
I don't often see it mentioned in the adoption world.

There is much talk about the wait....waiting X no of months for a referral....waiting such and such long for court dates....waiting for travel....waiting, waiting, waiting. It's all about me and how long I wait, for what I want!

When that referral finally comes and great rejoicing ensues, do I forget it has happened because another mother has lost her child? Through death, illness, poverty, or some other condition, that little one's mommy and daddy said goodbye. It is only then that I may say hello. How can I rejoice without also mourning?
We pray for referrals as we count the days, when we really think about it, doesn't that seem odd?

As I whine and cry about leaving my kids for 2 weeks, feel physically sick over the thought, I have become amazed at my own enormous, blatant selfishness.
I will say farewell, for a short while to my babies, to greet another woman's blessing into my life, forever.
I have the opportunity to do what she did not. To see her baby grow up, to hug the hurts and kiss the wounds, to advise and counsel, spend holidays together, to teach and guide and play games, hear the laughter, wipe the tears.

A referral is reason for happiness, yes. Certainly, waiting for anything is not easy.
Still, my mind is tormented by the fact that someone else paid a hefty, unthinkable price for this joy I receive.
When people say it's a good thing we're doing, I want to tell them how often I feel like a complete jerk, how much I think about myself throughout the process, my desire for 'quick results' forgetting the immense sorrow and grief of our children's family that brought us to this place of preparing to welcome them, but instead, I smile and say thank you.....

The truth is, my bountiful gain is another woman's tremendous loss. And that just stinks.


Courtney said...

yes, so very true. adoption is always born out of some horrendous situation. it just is. but we can't change the initial horror. we CAN help those precious children NOW...which is what you are doing!

Holly said...

funny. never read this anywhere, always think about it....figures that you would have also ;-)

it is a bittersweet love story.

Stephanie Headley said...

It is sad what has had to happen before. But, in the end, you are saving a poor little child that has had a loss! And, how important that is....and really, your selfishness is out of concern for wanting to get to that child quickly (so in other words, not all that selfish)so that you can kiss the boo boos, and hug away the hurt. God bless you for saving those babies! Thank goodness there are many others like you that do that! Just wish there were more!

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