Family photo 2013

Family photo 2013

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Those who say children are innocent....

surely have not met many. Definitely, they have not met mine.
On (too) many a day our breakfast table is proof. Out of bed less than an hour on any given morning, my blessed darling syrupy sweet (innocent) little luvbug creatures have often already discovered some monumentally insignificant, yet somehow amazingly catastrophic for no valid reason whatsoever, subject matter to quarrel over. They scream at one another about the (unfathomably horrific) infractions of their siblings over this subject matter. They may slap or pinch or kick or punch or name call.
Maybe it was because someone sat in their seat. Or used the spoon they wanted. (They subconsciously had dibs on it, didn't everyone know?) Endless bickering could be over a (highly important!) small scrap of colored paper that was left on the floor because it was not so (highly important!) yesterday. It only became (highly important!) when {the enemy} laid hands on it. Today, the cause of grief leading to an emotional, crying outburst was a dollar store calculator fought over vehemently by 2 children far too young to have any clue how to properly use it. They don't care. It is something. And something is worth it. Until moments later....when it's completely forgotten.

All day long, the cycle continues. Different siblings, different (monumentally insignificant, yet somehow amazingly catastrophic for no valid reason whatsoever) subject matter. Same types of squabbles. Some days more than others.

I've tried it all. Intervening. Staying out of it and letting them hash it out amongst themselves. Allowing them to hit, punch, bite, kick, pinch, back. Sending them both away to their rooms (which they share : ) Sending them to different rooms.Taking the (offensive) item away from everyone. There is no fail proof solution for every scenario. Unfortunately. There just isn't.

And that's just the disagreements between the children. There are the myriad of other situations to be dealt with throughout the (long) days and nights which lead to (short) years. There are attitudes that need adjustments and continuous corrections for doing what should not be done and for not doing what should be done and thoughts of entitlement and manners to instill and character building and education and learning to contribute to the home and family through age appropriate responsibility and sportsmanship-like conduct and physical care and provision of food and guidance as they learn to make decisions for themselves. There is so much to do!

Childhood is a battlefield. Sometimes I wonder if the causality is Mom's sanity.

Truth be told, I find it refreshing to let go of idealism - to an extent. To be real. No one said this would be easy. There are no days off. No rest for the weary. No pause button for the short people while I regroup and gather up some much needed patience. Kids will be kids. They require a great deal of attention, repetition, consistency, plain hard work. Let's face it, this can be mentally and physically and emotionally exhausting. Most of the time what is happening in our lives is either a) routine and mundane or b) completely trying, testing my resolve, my ability to play this role with any measure of competence.

Then, there are the moments that are beautiful, sublime - exquisite times that take my breath away and bring at tear to my eye because I see good fruit in their lives and I am filled with such hope for their future and my heart is content and gratitude pours forth and I am bubbling over with joy at the sights and sounds of these young ones, my people whom I love, because they are really getting it! My labor has not been in vain! Glory hallelujah! Those moments are here too - absolutely. And I treasure them dearly. Hold onto them tightly. Pull them out in my memory when I need them most.

Because they are brief.

Interrupted by another fight breaking out.

And so we carry on. Trying to sort it out. Reminding myself that I didn't sign on for this because I wanted an easy life.
I parent because it is worthwhile.
No matter what kind of outbreak happens to be swirling around me, deep down, I know that to be true.
This is good work.


Sandy said...

One of my favorite posts Tisha! Loved it.

Courtney said...

thanks for describing my house to a "t" :-) and for making me smile about it when most of the time i want to cry...

this is us said...

so good to read - it always feels like "just me" - like no one else in the world experiences this day after day! :)

Tara said...

Tisha, you articulated so clearly what moms go through daily. And it IS good work..sometimes the fruit doesn't become fully realized until they are close to adulthood. And then, friend, the joy it brings to a mother's heart is so so sweet indeed..
Keep fighting the good fight!! :)

Joan V said...

Tisha, Lisa Stucky pointed me to your blog and I have read off and on over the last couple years. I just had to comment this time because your post resonated so deeply with me. Like many of the other posters I too feel like you described my house, and I only have 2 kiddos!!! Thanks for your authenticity and "no subject off limits" attitude. It is refreshing to read.

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