It started out like this.

I was here at my local, friendly quiverfull family's website, (I do happen to love and respect this family by the way. They are expecting their 16th child.) reading something they had written in response to an accusation that their message on reproduction may be critical toward the infertile. It was then that I saw a comment from a reader saying that she felt personally called to a focus on ministry - one that does not involve children. The rebuttal to her remark by other readers was largely that singlehood is the call for the childless, and there is no Biblical premise for a childless marriage by choice. In fact, many of them suggested that there is no freedom for couples to restrict child bearing at all, it should be in the Lord's hands. Period.

That didn't seem exactly fair or necessarily right straight across the board to me. I know a myriad of examples of folks in ministry who could not do what they do if they had a dozen children in tow! So, I replied with this:

“Some couples are called by God into a ministry that does not permit time, finances, or energy for many, if any, children. There are people, (even married people, not just singles) doing AMAZING, priceless, intense work on the front lines for God here in the US and overseas that they absolutely could not do if they were welcoming children every year or 2.”

Which, happened to bring me plenty of what she got. Lots of comments to the contrary.☺

(In that same comment, I also said something about the families facing extreme medical/emotional/physical special needs with their children and that meeting the unique needs of their little ones may keep their hands and hearts very full, and perhaps their pocket books rather empty. In that case, continual reproduction might not be a wise option, nor what God has called them to do.)

The family then wrote another blog post  in which they quoted both she and I, to make an argument that this was an unreasonable line of thinking.

Okay, I thought. Well, there are other angles that are possibly oppositional to the assertion that all couples should be open to welcoming as many children as they physically possibly can. So I left another comment. ☺

This time I asked about 2 other points - adoption and infertility treatment.

I noted that if a family is already large, and they feel led toward caring for the orphan through adoption, they may need to restrict child bearing, (at least temporarily) while in process due to country or county standards for maximum # of children in the home, or the country or agency regulations about pregnancy while adopting.
So I asked, are they only for adoption if a couple is either a) beyond reproductive age or b) infertile.
(In El Paso county for example, the maximum # of children under the age of 18 in the home must be 8 or fewer for a foster child to be placed with a family.)

Secondly, if we, as married couples, are to leave family planning solely up to God, then if he "closes the womb" so to speak, wouldn't fertility treatments be a violation of the "no medical intervention" standard just as birth control would be? To say it's not seems inconsistent.

Here was the family's reply:

Keep trying to understand, Tisha. You’re getting there.


Adoption: We know many people who have gone through the process. Voluntarily restrict pregnancy in order to adopt? This is a false dilemma. I don’t think adoptive parents struggle with this concept at all.

Come to think of it, Alicia and Alissa’s {His wife's children from before they were married} adoptions went through when Cynthia was born. Restrict pregnancy? Wasn’t even close to being on our minds.

Artificial means? Again, “go for it!” Medical help to gain the blessing of children is great. Medical help to AVOID the blessing of children, now that–in our mind–is odd.

Well now. ☺
A false dilemma? No. I think not. Adoptive parents don't struggle with this concept at all? So completely not true. They do. We have. If you have been reading long, you know we have. And I know we are not alone.

So, this is the background to the question I posed. I was really trying to get honest feedback from people I know are genuinely seeking His will for their lives and living it out to the best of their ability. The Jeub's commenters are primarily people with views like their own, and I was curious about whether or not that was an accurate representation of the God believing population.

Thank you for your responses here, on facebook and by e mail. I truly appreciate you taking the time to answer this question! I have been mulling this over in my mind a lot over the past few days, and years as our personal journey has been one where we have found ourselves holding several different opinions over our nearly 12 years of wedded bliss.

Incidently, (if you are still reading...are you? Hello? Wow! Awesome. Thank you! You are so kind.) I have very strong, natural 'quiverfull tendencies' myself and have NO desire to restrict child bearing. The arrival of my *monthly cycle* is met with great sadness and mourning each month since the reversal of my husband's vasectomy in June. Which makes this whole conversation quite funny, right?

I'm just not convinced the Bible makes this subject explicitly clear in a way that any of us can make blanket statements that should absolutely apply to every couple.

I may share more of our personal story which led me to this place soon. If you care to hear. ☺